One Christmas Eve...

then again i realised. posting on Christmas with some sad tale, grouchy, lamenting bla bla bla.... what the? so wrong... Hope came to earth!

anyways, this song was the main song in one of the musicals that i was involve in last time. i was doing a solo dance or performing out the story from the second verse. yes, yes... william can dance. but please don't ask me to dance. haha...

i wanted to post this some time ago but thought of it as the wrong time. its not Christmas time. but hey, its a reminder of the wonderful birth of Jesus, our Saviour. why only remember it during Christmas in Dec?

have a meaningful Christmas

One Christmas Eve
written by Wayne Watson

He was a loving father
Gentle master of his home
But all alone against their love for God
No Savior of his own
Unmoved and softly cynical of those he thought naive
God come to earth? A virgin birth?
No, how could anybody believe?

His Christmas evening solitaire
Beside the fire's glow
Out the window tiny sparrows
In the spell of chilling snow
And moved with deep compassion
With a redeeming plan he arose
And he tried in vain to gather them
To a shelter from the killing winter cold

Oh, but simple creatures seldom comprehend the ways of man
And sometimes love expressed is met with doubt and fear
He thought if I could only fly among you
I could make you understand
Just for a moment walk beside you
I know it would all be clear
It would all be clear

And even before the thought had left his mind
Christmas bells from far away
Reminded him of simple truth he'd denied until that very day
How Jesus was born the Savior
Walked this earth with mortal man
Another soul brought safely home
And Christmas would never be the same again.

hmmm...

my apologies for not posting anything. i actually had lots of thoughts to post. but i also had another battle to decide.

my parents or specifically, my mother reads my blog. so it is kind of a wondering a little for me about what to do.

its long story but i don't think it would be nice to explain out about some background of the reasonings and why. it would rise more questions.

would want to continue cause i had a goal and purpose. but if i continue, i would get scolding for 'wasting time' (and please don't ask me to elaborate why).

so, hmmm....

melancholic...

been feeling a little melancholic lately due to everyone leaving. yeah... there are many who are still here but everyone's everywhere. danny is in canberra, carter went home, arthur has his own programs. i am trying to figure out what i can do together with my mother. can't join my friends.

and it's holidays! aren't we suppose to be doing something or doing everything possible? where's everybody? where's the programs? there's no one to disturb! of course that's not the main thing, but where's everybody?

added that there are OCFers who are going to convention are going to leave soon, it doesn't leave much space and time to spend with each other.
also lost track of time.

on the side note, i don't think i've been treating my mother nice enough. i try very hard to find things for my mother and i to do together so that my mother don't get bored. but then also, i have certain bouts when i'm just angry at my parents. for certain stuff. but its a long story and history. i have no idea why at times i'm impatient with my mother or have times where communication doesn't connect. maybe too many changes here and there or wanting to spend more time with friends. there must be some reason but i have no idea what. this is terrible.

its that time of the year again where people go back home, or graduate and leave. lots of OCFers will be gone. but that's the cycle of OCF. at least we meet for one last friday. God will lead us to different paths.

where is everybody?

2nd part...

from the book about the missionary James Fraser in China,
another line was...

from Dr. Stuart Holden's testimony where he said that one of the greatest blessings of his life had been his unanswered prayers.
James Fraser said that unanswered prayers have taught him to seek the Lord's will instead of his own.

we have a lot of asking prayers. but that's a 'one way communication' type of prayer. not a conversation with God.

one of the most common guides for prayer is the ACTS pattern of prayer. A=adoration, C=confession, T=thanksgiving and S=supplication. there is a web address for you to see the further elaboration.
http://www.prayerguide.org.uk/actsmodel.htm

here's also another interesting thought.
i remember edward was saying that God answers all prayers. with yes'es and no's. God saying no to the prayer is also still God answering the prayer.

John 15:7
'If you abide in Me, and My Words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.'

James Fraser

was reading a book about James Fraser. very interesting and thought-provoking parts...

there was a portion that says,

It was possible to get so entangled in the things of earth that the spirit could not rise above them.

the devil knows this and pours earthly things upon you to keep you down, so that you go under and not over when the battle comes.

then i realised, waliau! that is pretty deep and catchy too. we may be able to see some adults who are entangled already.

i wonder, as well, looking around, will any of my friends or even i be entangled in the future? (or even now?)
present, we are just students.
future, we are working adults.

i sometimes wonder too, whether the adults used to be like us in their OCF or CF last time, and now are being who they are. pride, materials, politics and not God in church, unwise, faking it, no tranparency and the rest.

wrong course?

cialat! wrong course or inaccurate survey? haha...

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination. You were born to be a doctor.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

southside...

visited southside today. mother wanted to.

the sermon was about worship and the many types of hebrew words for praise compared to english that has one. i can't remember the hebrew words though.

in front of me, there was sign language being given. and i'm pretty amazed at the heart of the lady doing it. it was full of expression and she really made sure the person getting it gets the whole message, not missing anything out.

then it just suddenly came to my mind when they were singing. the lady lead, singing with sign language for the person to follow the timing of the song.

its truly the heart that counts and God sees and knows.

P.S. - students are still having exams till the 19th.

Complete...

justin sang this song during his worship session. and so right it is. i got the song of danny and just had it going over and over again.

Complete
Parachute Band

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart, I offer up my life

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

*So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith I will walk on Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

yup...

yup, my mother is here. that explains the lesser typing but also cause exams are really near. so sorry for not typing much. exams on the 7th, 9th and 11th. do pray for me! [exam period is from the 5th to 19th Nov]

i have to say that at times, i just crumble (yes, strong Christians do crumble). at times i feel very discouraged and as if there is no hope. i pray really hard for protection of the mind and for strength. many times i find myself crying out to God, 'Lord, help me believe that You will bring me through.' help me to place more confidence in You, Lord. one thing i didn't do though was open up and look in the bible whenever any bad thoughts come.

now, i understand even more the heaviness that there is to push out of the mental barrier, break the bondage and pick yourself up. i really understand now, how come it can be a test and how the test can be a great and heavy proof of the chaff being burned away to reveal the true character, and then the refining of the silver until it reflects the Refiner's image.
sigh... i really respect those that have gone through such tests before and stood firm faithfully.

anyway, i was reading from Billy Graham's book, about fear. and there was an old saying,

'Fear knocked.
Faith answered.
No one was there.'

P.S. Handy's birthday today. his 21st. OCFers pinned him down and gave a nice body decoration. i owe him a present. i promise i'll get it but i'd rather it be something that you need. what you need for missions in the future?

justin made me do it!

7 things that scare me
- heights (can fall and just die like that leh...)
- God
- parents
- things about to crawl in my ear
- stray dogs (can get rabbies)
- a crazy guy wielding a knife with AIDS
- leeches (if i see them sucking me) & insects (if they are crawling on me)

7 random facts about me
- i had and may have anger problems
- i'm shy (really... i have to force myself to meet new people)
- i'm lazy yet a perfectionist
- i like dramatic stuff
- learning from mistakeS, i became very tactful on words
- sometimes proud and emotionally driven
- am still wondering where is God leading me and what is His will for me cause i got confused. lots to grow.

7 things I hope to do before I die
- bless my parents
- grow and bless people's lives
- write songs upon songs that will praise God and that will minister and encourage God's people and people
- see and feel God's presence flowing through thousands and thousands of worshippers, just singing and praising God.
- raise a family and be a blessing to my wife
- be like King David & Moses as how they had related and had faith in God
- ask forgiveness from everyone

7 things that I can do
- play the piano and not remember what i did at some parts cause God lead me
- eat a lot
- tell lame jokes
- tear people down, yet encourage (the power of the tongue - James 3)
- be long-winded and so, forgetting to listen though i wanted to help (bleh)
- a hands-on person
- sleep anywhere

7 people who should fill this out
- Handy
- Shelley
- Nikhil
- Gillian
- Zhi Yong
- Lai Kuan
- Raymond Lim

a simple song...

i remember one of the times i felt super down, and i was thinking, what is it to encourage myself? i was thinking of songs to sing and encourage. my thoughts ran through many songs that were long and with many words.
then this song, 'With Christ in the Vessel' popped up. and just saying it out, i was amazed yet again.

this simple song, many times disregarded in our hearts and minds as 'oh, this kindergarten children song again' and we just pass it on, speaks a short yet profound message.

With Christ - Together with God

in the Vessel - in our hearts and in our lives

we Can - it IS possible and we CAN

Smile at the Storm - go through and FACE the troubles in our lives

As we go sailing home - as we live our life before seeing God again.

short, simple with a strong deep message.

i ended up just walking and singing it slowly and meaning every word that is said.

exams eh? meditate on this song.

sigh...

Matthew 10:16
"See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."

days are hard...

days are hard... complain? no... don't.

but i did complain. just let out a little steam here and there. but the whole house have been working hard. the pressure is mounting and time is running out.

would it be times of nightmares of a student? i guess it could be. fear will always come. i'm always attacked in the mind. bad thoughts and negative thoughts always comes. there will be moments where there is no hope. i'm standing on so much uncertainty. i have to admit that my faith gets dry many a times. i lay confused and huh? i can't sing, can't pray or worship properly. hands of failure seem to be reaching out to me as i frantically wave my arms to avoid being caught. mood swings. it is hard to pick yourself up. you get encouragements here and there from others, but only those who have really failed before will understand.

i pray that God protect my mind and heart. that God refreshes me. that God will show His presence more. that i will trust God that everything after my finals, will fall into place. so i need not worry whether plans will go right or not.

concentration will lapse from time to time. short breaks are a good refreshing to the mind. days seem long and short. probably lost the time. body clock has been shifting a lot. need consistency.

reading 'Wild at Heart' by John Eldridge at the same time. having good ponderings and realizations.

danny's 'encouraging line': 'oh, its only week 11. nothing wan. don't need to worry. still got a lot of time'

sunburnt...

hmm... saturday... went to bed with a headache... woke up with no headache... at first. walked around to prepare for the OSA cup and got a headache.

well, i went there played 2 games and been the linesman for 3 matches. that would make more than 3 hours in the sun. and yes, stupid... i am so stupid. why didn't i put sun block? arghhh!

came home and rested before bathing. got up from the chair, rubbed my face, ow! checked the mirror, crap! i'm a new rudolf, a new shade of red, quite rosy cheeks, i'll suffer tomorrow. and its so so obvious. man, embarresing. we'll see tomorrow at church.

it was nice to be playing soccer after a long while. felt the excitement but yet had to be careful that i do not get tackled badly or get any injuries. there were some games that were rough. with me not having enough stamina, i only played 2 seriously. i left before the finals started. the team, where half used to be the OCF team and most of our friends, fell out at the semi-finals. can be said unlucky. the high ball bounced on the ground onto the hand of the defender in the penalty box. really unlucky. but they still played with sportsmanship.

OCF....

ocf today was good...

was !xobile's first time worship leading. and really see his heart in seeking God and leading people to worship.
had a bad headache because was trying to change my body clock. i don't think i played that well on the piano though i gave my best with what i can.
the headacheness did set on. terrible.

we had a good time of sharing on what we had studied in 1st corinthians and also just sharing. chok, our BS leader, cooked food. i totally forgotten about it. it was really servant leadership being shown.

also, it had been a long while since handy and i had such a good laugh with each other. well, he had the advantage of teasing me, so, hmmm... ok... but we also had laughs of other matters. poor xiao^2 was just wondering what in the world we are laughing about when just one or two things happened. so sorry man, it was all internal jokes.

the sharing, though few, was important as it touches on the very struggles of guys. every guy goes through it. only God's spirit and courage would have brought such transparency. so true that we need the Lord. we need to ask God to guard our hearts and protect our minds.

big pain...

its a big pain with your body clock being the opposite. i'm officially a night guard, night owl, um... whatever else. and trying hard to switch it too. i'm awake from 2 a.m. to 8 a.m. then i knock out till 1 pm. and its actually still not enough sleep. cialat man. then i'll wake up, rush to uni, come back, dead tired... at about 6pm. then sleep about 2 hours. and the cycle goes again. at least work is still done.

in total, have been negating the hours of sleep trying to work hard. its a bad strategy. got to avoid that. stress attacks are coming back again. and been asking God to protect my mind. and also i have to ensure i get enough rest. God need to heal my body as well.

amidst my tumbling and aimless drifting here and there trying to follow my schedule, God has been there. i know. but i didn't take the time to stop and see. just a 30 seconds here and there and my mind shift to something else, or shifts to numbness. sigh... God i'm sorry. i didn't take the time to stop or try to stop. i'm trying to do well. i need to force myself. but its changing things that i do not want to change. i'm starting to lose patience and tolerance and godly thinking.

preparations & hard work...

had a good talk with carter and danny about working hard or being hard working.

i guess it is the essence of everything that we do. hard work is needed if you want to succeed. working hard at the right contents and not working hard in vain.

i have to say i'll be blogging less. and trying to remake my sleeping schedule which is totally messed up. sigh. what in the world am i doing...

my mind's pretty numb at the moment. got to find things to refresh myself. maybe its my tired eyes due to efforts of shifting the sleeping schedule.

plus not being able to accomplish my financial modelling techniques assignment. its such a big pain. i just can't get it right. now i know why no one wants to take finance.

i didn't type anything about God? yeah i didn't. haven't been feeling God's presence lately. or maybe i didn't take or make the time to be quiet. got to rummage for the daily bread. though i'm doing purpose driven life again.

went looking for any of my youth groups blog. didn't remember about home for some long time. it seems quite far away.

contract....

my thoughts flew back to the time where raymond challenged us to make a contract between yourself and God. and with you putting your signature on it as well.

he handed out contracts that he had prepared for people who wanted to sign. and i thought, ok... i'll write my own contract. well, i haven't. i should do it now so that i'm driven with more purpose and be more serious.

but also a posing question, if you were to prepare a contract between you and God, what are you going to include in it?
raymond's challenge was to put more effort in your spiritual walk, take the initiative to strengthen and nourish your spiritual growth, read God's Word daily and one more i think. these are to start off. but for personal stuff, i guess we can make it more detail for ourselves.
oh, how could i forget? there was also a place for a witness to sign. then only will the it be a valid contract.

was also reminded about how we were told to write letters to ourselves during kairos. very interesting. i got that before when i was 12. can't remember what i've written down at kairos though.

signs...

puzzled? lost?

ask God for signs. there's nothing wrong. Gideon asked for signs.
and in cases like me, where thoughts of statistical explanations come up (ie: it'll most likely happen or there's a high chance of it happening), ask God for BIG signs. Gideon asked for a second sign as confirmation. God understands our sincere doubts whenever we sincerely ask. God will show you.

BUT also remember, when we have asked for signs, believe and follow the action for that sign when it is given. if not, what is the point of asking for a sign if you have already 'kind of' decided in your heart what to do. it makes no difference if a sign is given to you because you are not believing and following it.

i remember reading in the Case of Faith by Lee Strobel. imagine this happening.

one day, while John was walking down the street leading his own life, suddenly thick clouds appear and the sky turned dark filled with booming thunder and flashes of lightning. the strong wind was blowing things apart. and then the clouds parted and bright light streamed down upon John. and a Zeus-like figure with a bright shining face and mighty body appeared.
and with a mighty magnificent voice, said,"Behold John. I am God and I exist. I now appear in front of you. Now, believe".

what do you think will be John's reaction? would he believe?
it could be a yes. but think about it, if its a no and why.

if John does not want to believe, even if that happens, he will still not believe. he will probably find a way to 'get around it' or an excuse. 'oh, a hallucination' or 'i must be imagining things' or 'must be some special hollywood effects' or 'its must be a Punk'd or Candid Camera programme. so i better act as if nothing happened so that the joke will be on them.'
and so, he will just continue on his daily life, not wanting to act upon it.

this portion in the book was relating to when we ask God to give more obvious signs so that everyone will believe (and also another topic). even if God gives the most obvious signs, if you are just going to make multiple 'going arounds' or explanations as long as it doesn't refer to God, then there is no point in giving the sign.

we have the joy and advantage of asking a Guide for directions. but if we, in our hearts are not going to follow the directions, why bother to ask in the first place?

we are not perfect. that's why it requires faith and obedience.

learnings...

sleepless in wellington = no good.
came back from indoor soccer and KO on the chair, half-holding my dinner plate with the other half resting on my body. its surprising i didn't spill. danny took my plate anyway. and i crawled into bed.
woke up a few hours later to see arthur replacing me on the chair. haha...

anyways, i was thinking, after the quirks and weirdiness, there are also learnings of each other.

i learnt from carter what it is to stay up and be like a night security guard in his waking hours just to study. that even though he wakes up at 2 a.m. he is doing work until uni starts. determination. plays hard but also studies hard. how he asks questions so that he can understand and not blindly memorise. i still find that hard to do sometimes.

i learnt from arthur his stubbornness and how strong he can be driven. in his unique ways, he sends emails of 'how are you' with concern and yet with the simplicity of a sitting-down-have-a-chit-chat-face-to-face conversation and not of a formal dato. if you want to see someone continue to grow in Christian manliness, come and see arthur.

i learnt from danny how we are in a way, similar to each other in terms of characteristics but with each of our similarites driven at different points because of our different upbringings. not that we none of each, we just get that area polished more. i rub off diligence, goals and focus in studies from him, and he rubs of Christian characteristics, thinking and learning from me. and taking care of arthur when he's sick or not eating well. he is my friend, ex-committee member, OCFer, housemate, brother in Christ.

earlier, after i drafted the 'quirks', i so happened to stumble upon delwin's blog and saw his post about kairos. and i realised how much God had blessed and guided us in the little unit of wellington square. so, the creation of this post.

everyone's learning. if you have stopped learning, then that's a question you got to ask yourselves. why have you stopped?

through...

through the night, that is.
sleepless in wellington. when we get mood with the gears going, we keep it going.
its really peaceful at night anyway.

we have our litte breaks and we were laughing at each of our little quirks and 'dumb moments' since we lived together.

we had carter wondering why the bulb can't be unscrewed and gave a firm tug, thus pulling the bulb out and breaking the twisting-shaped base of the bulb holder. and he's an electrical and electronics engineer. oh yeah, plus burning a plastic plate and stinked up the whole house.

we had danny switching on the gas for the bottom burner and he was lighting the top burner, resulting in a big flame as the gas in the air from the bottom burner reached the lighter at the top. also another electrical and electronices engineer. thank God he was not hurt.

we had arthur intending to frighten me on my birthday but instead, tripped and fell on his knees to the confusement of us both. and when he does not have enough sleep, he talks. last night, he was making some train noises(wooooo woooooooooo). i was awake and was like'what the?' and i heard carter shush'ing him. a chemical engineer... maybe with some chemical problems in the brain.

we had me wondering why no water is coming out of the washing machine. of course lah if you didn't turn on the taps. yes, the financier.

plus our occassional surprise when the toilet door didn't lock properly.

'Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise the words of prophets, but test everything; hold fast to what is good; abstain from every form of evil.'
1 Thessalonians 5:16-22

interesting fact...

its an interesting fact how we can't fully understand the full impact of another's position until we are in that position in the future and then wishing that actions could have been done earlier in the past when you had the opportunity to do so.

returnees.
and many other situations...

days passed...

realizing that days has passed so fast and also noting that its holidays that had passed so fast. had the share of fun, but not the equal share of hard work.

discipline.

went to koorong on saturday morning(i could barely wake up) to take advantage of the 30% discount card that Gaius had. looked around at a lot of stuff having looked through brochures in earlier days. bought quite a lot of books. obviously can't read it at one whole shot. but in the long term it would help.

reminded me of how stubborn or the choice of ignorance i had, that i did not want to read extra Christian books out of the casual attitude of 'nah... don't need' before i came here in 03. but when i read the Case for Christ and Case for Faith, that's when i was amazed and also realised i knew so little and there's so much more. and so the spark of reading spreads the fire on. slowly getting accustomed to Christian authors and their writing style(some which i can't connect to).

it cultivated a lot of learnings, ponderings, new thoughts, views, types of thinkings and new insights.
one of the bad habits i cultivated also is rushing in the readings and not pondering properly.
this time round, bought Wild at Heart by John Eldridge (Handy said it was good)
I Believe, Now What? by Michael L. Simpson (to build a stunted side in me from growing up in a Christian family and church)
Bible Answers by Derek Prime (it has questions and the answers with bible verses. good topical reference)
the Leadership Secrets of Billy Graham by Harold Myra & Marshall Shelley (with references to his life experiences from the micro- to the macro-. similar style to 'Masterplan of Evangelism').

and also i remember Edward reminded me last year, that even though you may be reading lots of Christian books, still remember to read (or return) to the Bible.
simple wisdom and advice, eh?

ebay...

i have to admit i've been wanting a new phone but have been refusing (one of my extreme habits against materialism) for a long time also.
to one of my first experiences of E-bay. was looking for a new phone cause the charging capabilities of my first and faithful 3310 seems to be failing.

it is a total big waste of time and distraction. fortunately i had studied earlier. but still, there was a waste of time not being able to concentrate though i had set my alarm to alert me on the dying minutes before the bidding closes.

and 3 times i was outbidded on the last 15 seconds (though i also did employ the same dirty tactics). man... was so angry(it was a wise time not to touch me. carter was laughing seeing my expression). it was not only about not getting a good deal but that my time waiting for it was wasted. there was also wondering, is there another better deal. and after 3 times failing, i decided that the last time have to come and no more.

so i won the bid(still guilty of such tactics). the price isn't that good. i probably got the lesser of a good deal compared to the previous deals. crap. but, its good. new phone should be coming soon. yay!
for a 6021, A$190. i really hope it was a good deal. if not, i'm in big trouble and had better earn back that money.
(drafted this post 3 days ago)

oh yeah, and i also got a digital camera full of accessories too. it was a clearance. and very cheap too. haha...

brothers...

i would say i have the pleasure of having 2 wonderful brothers as my housemates. truly, we are very different from each other. after the leadership retreat, probably, somewhere deep within us, we realised that we may have taken each other for granted.
but also from the leadership retreat we realised that we have grown to love and respect each other more than ever for each of our weird ways.

had a very good time laughing with them on monday night, bringing out conspiracies and funny lines. haha.
on tuesday night, it was arthur asking me to tell him everything about abraham, isaac, jacob, joseph and the formation of the twelve tribes and the underlying lessons. talk about learning... he really wants to learn.

the past few days were days that are meant to be putting effort into 'working hard'. they've been coming back late. my sleeping schedule is also a little bit haywire.

remember, For the Generations.
study for your grandchildren. hahaha...

2nd day...

2nd day of kairos.

straight from the heart, i expected some things, but got bigger things.
everyone have gone through the programmes they planned. and we have also seen the example of the leadership in them and also their hearts. i wonder how long they have prayed for the Spirit-filled event.

lessons are learnt.
meaningful practices were carried out. hours seem like minutes where all tiredness are forgotten when everyone embraces each other with hearts full of Spirit, to thank and encourage each other.

wanting to remember, pretty much everything that happened.
but what stood out was, 'For the Generations'. the significant carnival games. the worship. the prayer, followed by communion. the lighting and exchange of the candles, followed by the encouragement, advice and prayer of your fellow brothers and sisters that you exchanged with.

we see one of the gatherings of leaders. leaders whose age has come and whose age has just begun. indeed, all in God's timing. i will miss it. i know i will.

thank you, to God's servants who had organised kairos.
to God, for ever being our Redeemer, Saviour and Friend.

a week!

oh man... the last time i posted was a week ago. sorry.
hmmm, well, didn't have anything to post.

there are things that can't be posted cause it is much better to be written down on a journal.

at the moment going through a leadership retreat. it has been good. the speakers, were good. uncle vincent spoke very directly and it is not often you see such frankness and honesty. he spoke right into my heart, of 2 big issues that i face. sorry i can't post it. i'd rather tell you face to face when the time comes.

the day before, in OCF, raymond spoke yet another direct cut into my heart. of the basic foundation of a disciple of Christ, learning and ever eager to know Him.
of bad habits and thoughts that are needed to be unlearnt.
of good foundations that should be retained.

was getting too tired at the end of the evening today. i have to admit that my mind just pulled out and stopped, then there was the fighting-not-to-sleep, and then nodding off. i remember the first part of Pastor Tim's message, but i was gone at number 3. sigh, another thing that i need to unlearn.

sleeping early today.

and don't forget to get solitude and silence to be together with Him.

spanish songs...

i was just listening to a big portion of andrea bocelli's songs and then something suddenly clicked into my mind something about the feature, texture and style of the songs, though mostly were in spanish.

i had been intrigued when i was listening to josh groban's songs, spanish and english. i'm sure we are familiar with his songs 'To where you are' and 'You're still you' plus his newer songs. i was amazed at how these songs are written. they are just english songs, but the melody has a different twist in it that makes it outstanding. i was wondering and searching for this 'twist' and i think i found it.

the english songs has the 'twist' of spanish texture and style in it. andrea bocelli and josh groban have similar singing styles. maybe josh followed andrea's style. (i hope janice didn't read this) both are magnificent.

there are a few of andrea's english songs that just really stand out as well. and i believe the spanish 'twist' in the english songs are making a lot of difference. if not, we'll just be getting the normal boy band songs about love and break ups.

guess what?

i had some good rest in the evening and then was working till late in the night. i planned to work through the night and then hit the 6.30 a.m. Man U Champions League match. guess what i found at 5 a.m.?

no, i did not find ProActiv advertisements only.
US evangelist Pastor Benny Hinn preached about the power of Jesus' name.
remember, in the book of Acts, Peter and John was walking through the temple gate called Beautiful and there was a beggar there who ask Peter and John for money. Peter said, 'silver and gold have i none. but in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk'. and the beggar was walking and leaping. it was the first ever recording, that Jesus' name was used.

not the great prophet Isaiah or Jeremiah had the priviledge to use Jesus' Name. but one of the lowest group of people of that time, fishermen, had the priviledge to use Jesus' Name. God called the weak and ordinary to be the tools of God.

it is through the power of Jesus' name that people are healed and demons cast out. and not just physical healing, but also healing of the heart, soul and mind. it is through Jesus that there is the possibility of forgiveness of sins and a revival in the spirit.

remember how Jesus stopped the public from stoning a woman caught for adultery? He said, 'those that have not sinned throw the first stone' and the crowd slowly fade away. just as the imperfect can't condemn the imperfect, the imperfect also cannot forgive the sins of the imperfect. we can forgive to rebuild the relationship/friendship but not the sins. and only someone perfect can forgive... only God can forgive... Jesus Christ.

a perfect person, Jesus Christ, has died. but that is not suppose to be because only those that has sinned will die. and because of the break in logic, the grip of sin and death has been brokened. there is hope now, of redemption and of life.

why are true Christians claiming, that there is hope in the world? because of the simple message that there IS hope. no big words. there IS... in Jesus Christ.

suddenly...

been working on Excel sheets again for the past few hours, doing financial stuff and economic thinking. big words, but its just assignments.

maybe its one of my traits of lacking total focus, but i was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness of how the world is.
of how desperation of establishing ourselves has seeped into our lives.
of how circular thinking and reasoning governs our minds.
of how freedom has been changed to doing anything you want.
of how values are compromised to suit others or the situation.
of how we are taught to think of ourselves.
of how we are using the world as a measure of excellence for our lives.

a little walk around the blog world will tell.
of pride.
of self-righteousness.
of selfish lives.
of 'righteous' comments.
of short-term lives.

we are taught to think. but even with knowledge and realization and truth-right-in-your-face, the choice to ignore and to leave it can still be picked. such is the power of free will.

There is a longing, only ___ can fill
A raging tempest, only ___ can still

hmmm...

well, the thing i planned didn't work out. i thought i had thought off everything. didn't take into account that evaporation of the glue would be faster if its cold and slightly windy. oh well, its an original idea so with its first mistakes.

anyways, test results are horrible. 2 16's out of 25 for both tests. what are the chances. and i thought i'd be scoring about 20 over. sigh... where did i go wrong? disappointing. maybe its the way i answer or something.

well, i've been staring at nothing but excel spreadsheets the past few days. come to think of it, since last week! i probably see grids everywhere now. taking a break from excel for a while. i should be excelling seeing the amount of time i spend with Excel. (L.A.M.E.)

i forgot about purpose driven for a while. oops! been reading 'recapture the wonder' and some parts of the early Old Testament. i realised i have been quite proud thinking that i would remember everything i learnt in sunday school and for bible quizes. well, i also discovered that i have forgotten a lot and the details are becoming vague. of course its not about knowledge. if you read the Bible, and failed to see God in there (e.g. working in the lives of those people), then you better read again.

church anniversary...

it was the Goodwood Methodist 15th anniversary.
they had 3 different cakes. the bishop was here to preach also. and 2 baptisms took place. and also a few presentations and a sketch about worship by the english congregation. every small part was important.

the english congregation is small. but that's the good part. we get to know each other much better and could build each other up. they're going to have their Festival of Praise. the event is really taking shape compared to last year. there is a more specific purpose and a clearer goal. of course, now that they're more experienced. saw and heard of the preparations. i was invited to help but i couldn't. very sorry. i had to cease as much activities as possible, so that i can concentrate on my studies and make my parents smile. it was really a tough struggle. knowing that i have to say no, and not wanting to say no, but having to say no.

i thank them for respecting my decision. now i really better not waste my time. if not, i would have been better off helping. my mind went to this verse,
'A wise child makes a glad father, but the foolish despise their mothers.'
Proverbs 15:10
yes, harsh words. but that is reality. and it is written in the bible. there are a few more. not to be foolish but to be wise.

today is also elaine's birthday. happy birthday to her. how much she has grown and learned to love God more. going to attempt something as a surprise. hopefully it works.

recapture...

i'm awake early again. woo hoo!
but i had a little mess on monday night. slept late which is 11pm so i was messed up a bit. but it seems good now.

postings have been really slow lately. i wonder why. but nevermind that.
these past few weeks, there are a few things that i point myself to remember.

1) the importance of prayer - praying and talking to God in silence and in prayer.
2) the importance of wisdom - many things we don't understand but we do not see the effects till we are in it. the difference of short-term and long-term.
3) the importance of memorizing scripture or bible verses - the importance of holding them close to your heart.
4) seeking God first - just as how King David was a 'man after God's heart'.

went to the showground on sunday after church. it was fun. to see the games and the rides. i went there to get my coca-cola bag. haha... the dogs there were cool. and please don't remind me that i got kissed by a dog. apparently, the female husky fell in love with me.

tuesday the whole BS group attended ee ling's graduation. gold colour for psychology. a whole new chapter in front of her. may God continue to guide you, dear friend.
then i cycled to koorong to get 2 books. 'Recapture the Wonder' by Ravi Zacharias and 'Desiring God' by John Piper.
Recapture the Wonder was only $10.00 and Desiring God was $20. but i just bought Recapture, finding the language and style pretty clicking to my brain. i browsed through Desiring God but felt that it would be later that i read it. it's pretty thick with concentrated info.

yups...

yup... i am up and awake again and its 4 a.m.

ending a long day yesterday, the 25% test didn't seem so bad after all though it definitly did freak me out and playing the piano today, oh what joy!
shifting out of lincoln makes me pianoless unless i sneak into elder hall to use the piano.

i remember journeying through many musicals in church back home... to how the progress and process through each musical is just tough. and many times losing the purpose of the musical while persevering. it was always an effort of faith.

and i guess it was there i learnt about the different types of people and reactions. i remember how i use to react quite badly when people talk 'too much' as they give feedback. of course being one of the younger ones, i was then taught to receive it in love though i was in protest of the context the person is coming from.

comments and feedbacks will come from both ends, drawing on the lines of honest critism and hopefully, not blatant sitting-by-the-bench-dato-datin remarks. sometimes i just wonder whether it is a question of perspective and relativity of standards. whether the person says it out of love or out of pride and positioning himself at the top status to give comments, that is between the person and God.

it is a work of faith. people will question. people will talk. but if the event has been upheld into God's hands and in accordance to God's laws and is God-driven, then leave it in God's hands for it has been blessed by God since the start.
take heart. and pray for protection of the mind for satan uses such comments to poison your mind.

ok, ok... back to purpose driven life... all to the glory of God

3 a.m.

i'm awake early... very much early.

we saw the whole journey of evangelistic night end. one of the memorable events. we saw the magnitude of the event and the amount of people that was needed to help was a lot. God has indeed shown Himself again through the musical.

i'd like to be very dramatic and say, 'its the end of all things'. but i thought again.
its not the end.

we have just seen 700 seeds planted. assuming 200 were OCFers but there's still 500. 7 have accepted Jesus Christ into their lives.

pray ever ferverently for the seeds that are planted.

2 Timothy 1:8-10
Do not be ashamed, then, of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God, who saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works but according to his own purpose and grace.
This grace was given to us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.

move closer...

had a draggy day today. but was highlighted with good work progress and calling a good friend up in perth. its her 21st birthday on the 24th aug. i'm guaranteed the first cause i called adelaide time. heh heh... thanks to danny's 3 phone also.

anyway, was also reminded of this story that i got from someone's website some time ago. God whispers.

Move Closer
-author unknown-

Not long ago I heard a story about a young man and an old preacher.

The young man had lost his job and didn't know which way to turn. So he went to see the old preacher.

Pacing about the preacher's study, the young man ranted about his problem. Finally he clenched his fist and shouted, "I've begged God to say something to help me, preacher, why doesn't God answer?"

The old preacher, who sat across the room, spoke something in reply, something so hushed it was indistinguishable. The young man stepped across the room. "What did you say?" he asked. The preacher repeated himself, but again in a tone as soft as a whisper. So the young man moved closer until he was leaning on the preacher's chair.

"Sorry," he said. "I still didn't hear you." With their heads bent together, the old preacher spoke once more. "God sometimes whispers," he said, "So we will move closer to hear him." This time the young man heard and he understood.

We all want God's voice to thunder through the air with the answer to our problem. But God's is the still, small voice... the gentle whisper. Perhaps there's a reason.

Nothing draws human focus quite like a whisper. God's whisper means I must stop my ranting and move close to Him, until my head is bent together with His. And then, as I listen, I will find my answer. Better still, I find myself closer to God.

memories of home...

i didn't touch friendster much. but today, i thought, hmmm... why not? and yes, there are a lot of updated photos and mine was still the same. i still look the same anyway so just added one or 2 more photos.

it brings back a lot of memories of home. it wasn't just about events, but in my thoughts, it was also about character and the elements and essence of 'william'. it was pretty much a lot of thoughts. of changes, of improvements, of regrets, of disappointments. i question, had i been better? or worse? after going through 2 and half years of uni overseas.

sadly, i would say that in many ways, i did not react in godly ways to events and situations. i would have misplaced my thoughts many times, leaving my spiritual foundations and fundamentals in malaysia. i ask for forgiveness for disappointing and hurting others. i know i am not giving God my best.

comparing in church back home and now, its worse. or is it not?
okay, here i realised, i had to stop cause it was getting a bit too personal. and interestingly, so my journal starts again. in the end, blogs have their limits.

but i also thank God in many ways for building me and teaching me. maturing me. though i still love to disturb people. but i have learnt the seriousness in dealing with situations, wisdom, um.... okay, i haven't gathered my thoughts for this area. give me some other time to type this.

5 a.m.

well, thank arthur and danny who were studying till 5 a.m. on friday 'early' morning. so they could still send me to RAH emergency. my right arm pit was swelling. that's where the lymph nodes are. that got me even more worried.

seeing the doctor, she couldn't do much cause i did not know what bit me. after a second doctor came to check my hand, they decided to I.V antibiotics into me and send me home with some penicillin. still couldn't sleep with the itchiness.

by friday night, i couldn't see my 3rd knuckle. that was bad. and with the constant itchiness and pain, i was pretty much in a bad mood plus not having sleep. but being able to praise God and just getting to talk with others, it certainly lightens the heart.

am kind of thankful for having the itchy swollen hand. it serves as a reminder to look unto God all the time. reminded me of Paul's thorn by his side. been sleeping while hugging the cold bottle of coke to numb my hand to waking up every 20 minutes to put my hand under the cold water from the tap just to stop the itchiness for a while.

today, sunday, my hand is so much better already. i can now see my 4th knuckle and some veins. yay! thank you for your prayers and at least i can sleep peacefully now. :) rehearsals went well. i'm not sure what it fully looks like but hopefully all improvements can be made. and also the clarity of the speaking and singing is a little bit worrying.

street-e is tomorrow. pray for all the OCFers who are going out that they would be filled with the Spirit and be courageous as well as protected.

what the?

waking up this morning, my right hand, where the last knuckle is, started to itch. and itch real badly for the rest of the day it did. (9-6pm) i couldn't sleep last night, so i turned in early. and when i woke up. it swelled even worse and its 3 red dots in a line. i have no idea.

i researched up spider bites or tick bites cause the swelling is significant, not to mention the itchiness and the pain. its like my whole hand is cold except the swelling part where it is pretty heated up. some other parts are hurting as well, near my joint of my right arm and my shoulder. got kind of worried, not wanting to lose my finger or its ability.

had been having some health problems lately. going to see the doctor tomorrow. to check the hand and maybe for the tiredness as well. it could be my sleeping pattern, my diet, or just lazy.

better attempt some reading since i'm awake with the pain. been making a playlist of meaningful songs, worshipping God and more of personal worship of the heart.

moods...

i have never faced a paper, or 3 pages that i can spend an hour on. and this is not that it is super interesting but more of the effort of trying to understand.
i sat 3 hours in the library. and i don't understand. there are parts here and parts there. i think its going to take super long concentrating train of thinking. financial modelling techniques... sigh...

at home, at night, still doing the paper. the mood was going down but was lightened with my housemates singing in the bathroom. arthur was practising and singing in the bathroom, doing a good job in his effort to remember the lyrics and also lightening up my mood. hahaha... he was reciting his script and the other actors parts. he knows it by heart!
it is very funny. but i can see he is making the effort to 'live' in his role.

been doing purpose driven life again. and it does lighten my heart. and helping me focus. meditation on His Word. reminded me of verses in sunday school.
"how can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your Word. ... I have hidden Your Word in my heart, that i may not sin against You." Psalm 119:9,11

6 a.m.

it's 6 a.m.
i have no idea, i just woke up with a sudden jolt at 5.30 a.m. maybe i had enough rest?

on sunday, at church, the visiting pastor preached about revelations 2:1-7. he also did mention about how people don't read revelation because its a lot of prophecy and a deep part of the bible which is true. the portion he was refering to does, in the end, teach us what is the core of our faith, and what should be the core in everything that a believer does in his life.

in revelations 2:2-7(NIV), (to the church in Ephesus)

i know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. i know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. you have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

yet i hold this against you: you have forsaken your first love. remember the height from which you have fallen! repent and do the things you did at first. if you do not repent, i will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. but you have this in your favor: you hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which i also hate.

he who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. to him who overcomes, i will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.

- a reminder...

sister...

hmmmm....

things got out of hand a little. i wasn't controlling my days properly and may be losing focus. i need to take control and make sure that i'm controlling as in knowing my days and what i'm going through.

spiritually i thought i was alright, or should have been alright. but i wasn't. and thinking that healing will come quickly doesn't help. healing comes with time.

i got kind of worried. for my faith. prayer was hard and meaningless.
i feel snappy. and like a pent-up-anger type of feeling. i don't feel like talking to anyone. thinking that i had been pretty 'gentle' all the time, i kind of had been wanting to be direct (or maybe it was releasing the pent-ness) to anyone, straight to the point/face.

that's when i got even more worried. wondering in my own words, 'what the?'
sitting alone, trying to compose myself. i knew i had to take hold of purpose driven life, at least for a read and meditation. thank you to a sister, who came and talk to me. just sitting down like brother and sister, it is comforting. thank you for the advice and encouragement. i'll get back to purpose driven again...

memories...

i don't know who has heard of this song before. it is an old and simple song, but beautiful and meaningful. its a sweet song. probably can make it dramatic... haha...

Make Me Like You
written by Jimmy and Carol Owens
(1978)

Lord make me like You
please make me like You
You are a servant, make me one too
Oh Lord I am willing
do what You must do
to make me like You Lord
please make me like You

i remember it was my mother that taught me this song long time ago. of course i mentioned that it sounds like an old song. but it brings back memories of home and how it was back home. church, school, sports, home.

brought up in a school that encourages excellence and being all-rounder, and its a boys school, you can imagine the ego that is oozing and overflowing. what is it then to be a servant?
when i became a prefect, you are a student leader. i wouldn't say that i was a good prefect to start with. i had a lot to learn. it was my first time and i tried my best. eventually (thanks to my other friends) i caught the pace and example. but i remember how hard it was for the other prefects, to see me being a servant to the students. leading and maintaining discipline, but also serving.

i've sidetracked many times these past 2 weeks. but am healing and finding ground again.

4 a.m.

sigh... been sleeping at 4 a.m. for the past 2 days.
half the time i did work. but having every possible entertainment deleted off my comp is taking its toll. unknowingly, i'm addicted to watching or reading something when eating. and music, but i'm aware of that anyway.

work being done, good stuff.
but not waking up late and having an aching body.

thankfully today, i have no class. no, it's not a free time. its a full-on finishing-tutorial day. and with half the day gone, i pretty much have to speed up.
things are slowly gaining control and tempo lately. am happy.

spent time at lincoln college yesterday. and it reminded me so much of college life. its a part i'll always remember. one of the starting points coming overseas. and also after that, realising even more that i'm going to be an oldie's oldie. waliau!
i give thanks to God for placing wonderful people around me in college that had supported me in my times of weakness.

day 3 yesterday

saw justin's analyzing. it's true with what everyone is going through. i was reading this portion and saw how Paul had been praying for the others. i pray that for those that are struggling too.

Ephesians 3:16-19
I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love. I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to Him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

prayer...

have we forsaken meaningful, silent, solitude, fasting, earnest, honest, open, confessing, praising, worshipping, thanksgiving, loving, seeking, communicating, heart-to-God's heart, obedient, faithful prayer to God?

check your heart.

do again...

i saw my previous post. it is a total mess. a true reflection of what is happening to me and also what's been happening to my heart.

too many thoughts and thinking had my brain totally burnt out for some long moments when time was turning to the late evening. by 6.15 pm, i had to sleep. i was too stretched already. and sleep was good. i woke up in a daze.

chok was right. i needed to do 'purpose driven life' again. to refocus. fight on, so it seems that it have to be.

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone."
Ephesians 1:11 (Msg)

???

sorry for not having posted for some 'while'. i usually post when there are reflections and godly reflections. sadly there wasn't any.

times have been in the downs and confusing.
i'm sorry again, for some things i cannot post.
but it has been a down week in spiritually.
my faith shaken. and with confusion.
a lot of things to do with the future.
lying on the risky edge where anything could happen.
the level uncertainty is too high.

why no Bible verses?
because i had pretty much didn't want to think about it.

in short, been through times of blankness and lostness. confused and being angry at the same time didn't help. times where i wonder why, again?, huh?, so what about God's Will?

well, we'll see...
there's pretty much a lot of formal stuff that i have to do.

Matthew 6:33
But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.
Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.
When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart,

1 Peter 4:8-11
Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins.
Be hospitable to one another without complaining.
Like good stewards of the manifold grace of God, serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received.
Whoever speaks must do so as one speaking the very words of God; whoever serves must do so with the strength that God supplies, so that God may be glorified in all things through Jesus Christ. To him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.

Luke 12:48
But the one who did not know and did what deserved a beating will receive a light beating. From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required; and from the one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded.

Rom 12:1-2
I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Exodus 33:13-15
Now if I have found favor in your sight, show me your ways, so that I may know you and find favor in your sight. Consider too that this nation is your people."
He said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."
And he said to him, "If your presence will not go, do not carry us up from here.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.'
1 Corinthians 2:9

prayer for E-nite

yes. have been busy. running errands. OCF. seriously tired. and what a way to start uni. i know i will most probably be typing the common, 'uni is starting next week and bla bla bla....' and you all know the rest.

anyway, an evangelistic night is coming up for OCF. it is a night where we have an activity (usually a barn dance or ballroom dancing session) and then the sharing of the Gospel. this year, it is going to be a musical. the last time we did such a thing was in 2000.

i don't know about other people, but i sincerely hope that just because there is a musical for E-nite, it does not become a big and glamourous 'event' and the 'most happening' thing to be in.
if next year's E-nite was ballroom dancing, will the OCFers still be as enthusiastic about E-nite? being involved and actively bringing their friends?

street-evangelism (uni) is coming up. will the same enthusiasm be there?
how can we say, "no, it is different. i am scared to do it" when it is the same? evangelism.

amidst the preparation and work needed to be done, it is PRAYER that is needed the most. PRAYER. PRAYER. PRAYER. PRAYER.
that God's will be done through E-nite.
that God will move during E-nite.
that God will touch lives during E-nite.
that God's hand is on E-nite.
that God will be pleased with our hearts about E-nite.

big events require bigger prayers.
big 'moving' requires bigger prayers.

i know i'm not one to judge. i am also guilty. for those who know me well, they know i'd rather sit down and just enjoy myself. lazy to mix around. if i had a choice, i'd pick what i said earlier.
but i have to learn, to love others. i force myself at times.
i remember in my early days, how joanne teach me to pray, asking "Lord, teach me how to love others more." and really understand what it means.

Take Me On...

ee ling handed me a cd of jim brickman's songs. and there were a few odd-one's-out inside. i clicked on one of the odd ones and ironically, i didn't listen to the jim brickmans. instead, i'm hooked onto this song. i was just playing it and oh... an interesting tune.

then as i listened to the lyrics, it caught my heart (ok... a little drama) but it spoke to my heart. that is exactly where i am and what i am now. honestly, the last bit of the song, preferably i wouldn't want the breaking down. but God's ways, are indeed higher than our own.

its a wonderful song.
written by a local brother in malaysia.

Take Me On
written by Patrick Leong
sung by Patrick Leong and Juwita Suwito

My life is in Your hands
It's a story, that's written in Your plan
And will i make it in the end
Your promise to me
By faith alone i can

The road ahead seems like an endless quest
Each step i take i know He'll lend a hand
Oh Lord i need You till the very end
So Lord reach out Your hand

chorus
And take me on to a place
In Your loving embrace of Love
Your wonderful Love

Oh Lord just reach down inside
Till i break down and cry
For Your Love
Just more of Your wonderful Love

so it comes...

just as last year a dear brother goes, now another will go too. and soon another.
but that's how it is. the reality of life and what OCF is. that is the circle that every OCFer will go through. 'Reach Out, Build Up and Send Home'.
we see a race being finished here for Richard. but another will begin in singapore.

it has been an honour to be serving with you for the same 2 years. the ups and downs, the joys and sorrrows, how OCF has come to what it is now.

different callings will bring each of us to different paths.
we may never see each other again. only time and situations will tell.

however spreaded we may be, remember to cling on to the hope we profess, Jesus Christ, our Lord.

don't say goodbye, it's not the end.

shaken?

yes... i was.

i was shaken. my faith was shaken. i had doubts.
'God. i believe. Help my unbelief'

before going for the trip to uluru or Ayers Rock in the center of australia (10-14 july), i was shaken. i had sleepless nights during the trip. wondering what is going to happen. but i was to be shown God's light. now, i see. a bit.

i am back home now. looking back, the trip has been wonderful. we had heavy rain. it was really cold. but it was canyons and opal mining and the sights and crazy phots and crazy brothers that made the trip what it is.

had some thoughts during the trip. i'll try to write it bit by bit.

*some photos may not be advisable to be seen publicly but they are seriously creative*

?

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Romans 8:28

?

i don't know... i just don't know.
i don't understand... i just don't understand.

back to real life...

finally being back to real life...

lately have been missing home. being home for only 2 weeks wasn't really significant though i am grateful. it feels like i haven't been home for one and a half years. thoughts of home and church are going through my mind more often nowadays.

e-nite is coming.
evangelistic night. a musical. the music crew is the first into action.
really pushing for the songs to be out as fast as possible.
but its not easy to write songs and knowing that you have to rush it also. not easy. the dance crew and acting department needs the music out fast as well. its a MUSICal.
soundtracks and instrumental will follow as well so i planned.

i didn't expect to be doing anything for e-nite. but when i was approached and was given this role, i was pretty shocked but also glad. it had been what i always wanted. my dream. to be able to do more. at that time i was slightly undecided. 'why did it come now? at the time that i need to put my studies on top to the max? why such an opportunity now? why not earlier or before?'

there are a lot of things i don't understand. it would be a long list of why's.
why did certain things happen...
why did God let these things happen...

God works in ways higher than our own.
i don't know why. a lot is in faith. a lot requires faith.
we can actually die of worry. worrying for everything in our lives.
it is a walk of faith.

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34

have you been reading God's Word lately?

it's wednesday?

hmmmm....

it IS wednesday.
been having a non-stop action and also sleep-action after exams. the back of my head was seriouly numb due to not having enough sleep.

let's see... i stopped at when? last thursday... ok...
yeah... somehow i refused to sleep. only woke up at 2.30pm on friday with arthur 15 minutes later.

anyways, friday was Thanksgiving Night at OCF.
partnered with janice to play the piano.
we had sharing and we see the many 'thank you' offerings to God.
i guess the OCFers also see another side of richard that has been kept quiet in his heart. something that he carried with much pain.
he is going home(early due to other commitments) and a big part of his heart is left here with OCF in Adelaide.
i am honoured to be able to serve together with him in the committee in the same two years/terms. to have a brother and a friend at the same time. the times that we had... hee hee

friday was also naughty a bit. knowing we had committee meet at 7.30 am the next morning, arthur and i played dota with D the whole night or morning. didn't sleep. D messaged us, 'eh... got to end the game. you all got to go for meeting' during the game. we needed to practise the new version. can understand, right? haha...

athur was talking with a lot of sense with a no, and i had seriously short memory and memory lapses due to the effect of not having sleep.

after the meeting was church practise. the lack of sleep seriously took my memory, forgetting what to play. thank goodness it ended early. i came home and slept. and at 6pm to go to a family friend's house. i slept through my alarm that was set at 5.30. terrible...

came home... and made sure i slept early this time.
went to church and there were OCFers that went for cycling. initially wanted to go, but decided not to, or my body will be overworked. wanted to sleep, but ended up playing dota instead.
then the big event came in the evening. overnight Dota. 10 comps in barton terrace. we started quite late. but that didn't matter. we had the whole night/morning.

having it non stop, we had to sleep in the end. at 7.30am. till about 3pm. and it was cold. arthur and i overturned our mattress to use it as a blanket. and after some pizza(9 for everyone) we played some custom games which are seriously so funny. they are simple games. but seeing each others antics and stupid mistakes or movements, it is just so funny. played till 11pm.

and that time, we really had to go home. had to set the limit. no more. and that's no more for a long time. we got to get back to the reality of life. i didn't see the sky for a whole day. and then we really felt the strain. on our minds and our backs and legs. felt like a short camp. that's the guys bonding session. so girls, don't shake your heads.

and on monday, eh? oh.. its tuesday. yes, our clocks were screwed up. tuesday, went to build up the library, the archive cupboard and the refreshments cupboard. bunnings warehouse, twisting arms and flattened thumbs, we built it up. the library looks quite good. hopefully, the OCFers use it and grow in God's Word.

with all that has happened, 'Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path'. Psalms 119:105

don't forget to pray.

Praise God...

things just suddenly zoomed and things were not in good shape the past few days. had a paper today on thurday. i couldn't sleep on saturday night. and then tuesday night. suddenly restlessness came about again. and then wednesday night. i had only 6 hours sleep in 3 days.

i don't know what to make of it. only that God had sustained me through it. wednesday night, i felt at peace at about 1.15 a.m. and i went to sleep. but i woke up at 4 a.m. and well, the muscles ache to the max out of tiredness but i still went on to do more readings.
the exam period, i had a good start. but as time weared on, things weren't so stable as i'd like it to be.

in as much as there was the struggle, i see the love of God among the OCFers. arthur and shi hui preparing dinner for a lot of people. gillian and ray and those with cars providing transport. and these are the only ones that i know of.

thank you very much for the prayers and encouragement and support. i hope i didn't take any for granted.

well, what's done is done. and done to the best i hope.

Doxology

Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost

He will come and save you...

i haven't heard this song for such a long long time. a wonderful song.
i categorise the song as one of my classics, alongside songs like People Need the Lord and We Are the Reason and more...

neverending indeed is God's faithfulness. He will carry you.
just look at the words. that is how each of us are to offer our hand, and help pull up our brother or sister to continue to look unto God's face.

He will Come and Save You
Words and Music by Bob Fitts and Gary Sadler

Say to those who are fearful hearted, "Do not be afraid;
The Lord your God is strong with His mighty arm,
When you call out His name." He will come and save.

Chorus:
He will come and save you. He will come and save you.
Say to the weary one, "Your God will surely come."
He will come and save you.
He will come and save you. He will come and save you.
Lift up your eyes to Him, you will arise again.
He will come and save you.

Say to those who are broken hearted, "Do not lose your faith;
The Lord your God is strong with His loving arms,
When you call out his name." He will come and save.

lord of the rings...

well, after 2 days of grueling brain concentration for exams, it ended, for a while. stopped to rest. 8 days before the next paper. :)

watched return of the king LOTR. that's my break reward.

when i first watched it, i remember thinking, what in the world is so great about the ring. its JUST a ring. a ring! with no diamonds on it. ok... maybe the invisibility i would want, but its just a ring.
but the more i thought about it, i saw some significance.

the ring is a 'ring of power'. the most powerful thing in middle earth.
and everyone was careful of it. even the wizard Gandalf.
but Elrond mentioned that the halfling(Frodo) shows extraordinary resilience towards the ring. why?
and resilience there was. but not at the very end where Frodo put the ring on.

i was thinking on. what will you do if you have the only most powerful thing in your hand? you can do so many things. what if you have something in your hand, that you can change the world or your future? wouldn't you want it?
then you can say, I will be the best. I have the power. I will rule. I will do all these things. I will lead you. I will show you. I will change the world for the best. I can do this on my own.

in reference to middle earth culture and races, the halfling, didn't have any pride or care in or of the world. the hobbits are simple people living a simple life like in a village or 'kampung' with no intentions of ruling the world or big ambitions for 'self'. things that are important, are friends, fellowship, be contented and more...

that was why there was 'extraordinary' resilience, though it isn't that extraordinary at all, thinking about it again.
there are many more examples, but that's just one of some of my thoughts.

2 types of papers...

well, i went through 2 different types of papers.

statistics didn't seem so bad after all. it was a wonderful paper.
financial economics became the very risky one.

when one has seen the other dark extreme last year, one would be very grateful and glad to have seen a very near total opposite.

Thank You for keeping my heart and mind at peace.
Thank You for giving me rest.
Thank You for Your strength that sustained me through.
Thank You for the healing that you have given me.
Thank You for the OCFers who are ever praying and SMSing, encouraging and supporting each other.
Thank You for the cold rain that refreshes us as we breathe and keep us awake. :)

continue to sustain us and pour your blessings upon us, Lord Jesus.

Thank You Lord
written by Don Moen

I come before you today
And there's just one thing that I want to say
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
For all you've given to me
For all the blessings that I cannot see
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

**With a grateful heart
With a song of praise
With an outstretch arm
I will bless your name
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord

For all you've done in my life
You took my darkness and gave me your light
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
You took my sin and my shame
You took my sickness and healed all my pain
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

You're here with me...

the times have started. no, its not the end of the world. though it may feel like it. exam period have started for Adelaide Uni. 18th June to 2nd July.

i remember, right now.. at this point of time... i would be lying down on my bed... hugging my pillow... crying in fear, crippled in fear though i have prepared.

question yourself: what's happening? where's your faith?
draw on the Holy Spirit. hold on. your faith in Him is not in vain.
there is always hope.

--- hope ---

cry lah. so what? nothing's wrong with that. you'll just have a salty pillow.

in quietness do you hear the cricket chirping.
in solitude do you hear God and feels His presence.

--- pray ---

Lead Me, O Lead Me
Words and Music by Martin Smith

O lead me
To the place where I can find You
O lead me
To the place where You'll be
Lead me to the cross
Where we first met
Draw me to my knees
So we can talk
Let me feel Your breath
Let me know You're here with me

Lead me to the cross
Where we first met
Draw me to my knees
So we can talk
Let me feel Your breath
Let me know You're here with me

Let me know You're here with me
Let me know You're here with me

© 1994 Curious? Music U.K./Kingsway's Thankyou Music

boats?

devotion at OCF today was refering to Matt 14:22 about Jesus walking on water and His disciples in the boat during the storm.

we are in a boat travelling towards a goal. to pass and do well in our exams or in the long run, graduate.

we may ask why? what's all this storm for?
it is for His glory may be reveiled to us. through the 'storms'. sometimes, i wonder how...
it recalls memories of the past. questionings and directionless moments and periods. (but that's another area of faith and seeing a small jigsaw puzzle, and waiting for the each puzzle, bit by bit to show before seeing the whole picture.)

Jesus said, "take courage and do not be afraid."

i was thinking in another aspect...
we see the whole picture of the storm, of course, because we are in it.

imagine the picture on a paper, if we cut out all of the storm and just have Jesus walking and Peter(us) looking at Him. its calmer and less stressful, right?

that's how we are to look unto Jesus. He is in the storm with us. He wasn't in heaven helping us or asking us how we are doing from above. but He is with us by our side.

Jesus was walking on water IN the storm. do we have faith to walk on the water with Him?

He is Emmanuel, God with us.

and just like the song i posted earlier (and also the song below), are we still ever praising and worshipping God, regardless being in the ups, highs, happiness, joy, good times OR the downs, lows, sadness, sorry, bad times, stress?

we should. always.

My soul follows hard after Thee
Early in the morning
Will I rise up and seek Thee
And because Thou hast been my help
Under the shadow of Thy wings
I will rejoice

Words and Music by Jeffrey Smith

in the first part of Romans 8:38,
'Nothing can seperate us from the love of God. ...'

Psalms 91:4
'He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.'

O Lord To You...

i think this is quite an old song. sung by Bob Fitts. a slow and mellow song. look at the words. i got it in an album, Songs for Devotion.

are we still seeking God first? in the morning? night?
are we still giving thanks in the midst of our exams?
sigh...

O Lord To You
Words and Music by Gary Sadler

We will seek You first Lord
You will hear our voices
Early in the morning
And late in the night
We will sing Your praises
Giving You the glory
Offering our lives to You
A holy sacrifice

May our praise arise as incense
O Lord to You
May our worship be a fragrance
O Lord to You

seeds and Truth..

i was reading a book, 'Watchman Prayer' by Dutch Sheets. i got the book in my first year as a free gift, but read a little only. i was just reading another portion.

when we read John 8:32, "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

and i'm sure many of us know our bible verses very well. verses about trust, faith and hope. verses of encouragement. Prov 3:5-6, Psalm 121, Hebs 10:23-25, Matthew 11:35, 1 Peter 5:7.

and we thought, why nothing happens even though we know all these?
Because all truth comes in seed form. what you do with the seed after it is planted will determine or not whether it bears fruit in you.
are you putting the effort to grow the seed?

that's what it means in the parable of the sower (mark 4), the renewing of the mind (Rom 12:1-2), abiding in the Vine by abiding in His Word (John 15) and many more. it is planting the seeds and working the process.

Heb 10:23 & Psalm 121

look at these verses and pray.

Hebrews 10:23-25 (NLT)

23 Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. 24 Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. 25 And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near.

Psalm 121 (NLT)

1 A song for the ascent to Jerusalem. I look up to the mountains – does my help come from there? 2 My help comes from the LORD, who made the heavens and the earth! 3 He will not let you stumble and fall; the one who watches over you will not sleep. 4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel never tires and never sleeps. 5 The LORD himself watches over you! The LORD stands beside you as your protective shade. 6 The sun will not hurt you by day, nor the moon at night. 7 The LORD keeps you from all evil and preserves your life. 8 The LORD keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.

BS meet...

i had been feeling much better in health. less flu and cough. still a bit feverish and a really really stubborn headache. argh... mind-hurting non-stop and it hurts more when i cough. but its the fastest recovery i have ever seen. thank you, Lord. i will try to get back to my books to put in more effort and concentrate even more. hope the resting didn't slack my heart off.

anyway, it was a gathering of BS leaders and as we see more of OCF in the future with possible growth and expansion. whoa! talking like a president with such words. haha... nah... it was just a look into the future. the hall was pretty full. with much praise and prayer points listed down, we broke into pairs later to pray.

before we adjourned we prayed for richard because most of the people may not see richard befor he leaves. after the prayer, well, as planned, the guys grabbed him and pinned him down. he's really strong. he can take 5 singaporeans. and so we had to take extra precautions and have really lots of malaysians to hold him down. it worked.

his chest and stomach don't look too good. can't tell what's the colour of his skin.
unluckier still, the organiser, jansen, also suffered the same fate.

thank you for the easter camp chef who had cooked for us. 'encounter' chicken + sushi. seriously good. and an apple afterwards also, for good... um... you know...

Lord, bless the 25 people who came for the BS leaders meeting as much preparations for exams are coming along. protect us and keep us in good health and heal those who are sick. protect me from my fears. and bad dreams. sigh...

interesting...

interesting, i wonder how accurate are these surveys.
i guess the truth can only be told by God and those who know me.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

headache....

aiyoh... headache, fever, cold, sore throat.
the whole package.
canm't breathe through the nose. have to breathe through the mouth. something like darth vader. hee hee...

work wasn't that productive. wrote notes. but don't think it registered enough.

my nose is red.
i wonder whether the sexy deep voice will come or not.
i hope not.

i wanna be healed. i'm so drowsy now. i think i can just get easily conned by anyone now. *please don't try*
i hope i feel better tomorrow.
and having some things to deal with.
sorry, v.

anyway, found this song. won the song of the year Dove Award 2004 that was awarded in apr 2005.

Who Am I
by Casting Crowns
album: Casting Crowns (2003)

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

officially sick...

already officially sick with fever and a bad sore throat plus the running nose that will be coming along.
haven't been able to sleep last night. tried to sleep early but wasn't easy. can't breathe through the nose cause its stuck, so you breathe through your mouth and the sore throat hurts. so its just been drifting in and out of sleep. only woke up at 1pm today. terrible.
and the tar guys are just tar'ring up the road. so we got extra nice smell and noise. at least they're gone now.

aih. just complaining. was contemplating whether to go to uni or not. but if i stay home, i'll just rest and go to sleep. so i think i'll just go on the fine line of study and rest. not to overexert myself, but just to do enough.

i was just thinking, waliauleh... complain a lot and non-stop. if i set my heart and my mind on God's face, i wouldn't feel these 'things' so badly. its a choice. i would try. focus and get some stuff done. maybe some ice cream as a reward? eh no... not ice cream. haha...

studying guardian angel...

been on a non-stop action of books and lecture notes and assignments.
its a countdown.
been coming home at only around 11 p.m. - 1 a.m. daily since last week.
i did it, and completed 12 weeks of level 2 statistics.

am home.
and feeling feverish at the moment. with a sore throat. weak and dizzy.
and hungry.
i didn't do any shopping. been taking some (ok... a lot) of my housemates food. i better buy some stuff to repay them.

its been cold.
amidst everything, have to stop my life for a few moments. to think. posting helps.
prayer.

strengthen the students and me, Lord.
thank you for the people you have put around me.
put your healing hands on our health and our hearts and minds.
in Jesus' name, Amen.

richards song...

daniel and i were glad we could present it (though we got quite nervous). specially written the song for Richard a few weeks ago. thanks to addielle and eng poh for listening and editing the very lame parts. it was touching and very memorable with the OCFers singing along at the ending parts. *sigh

Richard Poh (Yan Tau)
written by D.P. and W.K.

There was a boy who weighed hundred and five k.g's (he's 80 now)
He comes from a land, a country of men, of kiasus
He is handsome and young, He is tall and is dark
He's friendly and charming and full of good fun
(D.P: oik, he's not that young lah
W.K: oh yeah, he's going to be a quarter of a century years old already)

He likes to be called, Richard Poh Yan Tau (which means handsome)
But most of us think, he looks like a Char Siew Pau (the round bun)
He drives a white car, and sends people home
He helps you and guides you with lots of good words
(Are we there yet? X3
Can we go now? X3 )

We'll miss you, and miss you
for sure
We'll pray for you, that God will guide
you through

He has a soft side, a romantic side, of love
She studies in Perth, she is called, "Dear dear" (eeyerrrr)
She came to Easter Camp, to serve with him
He was so delighted, he sang her a song
(ni wen wo ai, ni you duo shen,
wo ai ni you zhi fen)

We'll miss you, and miss you
for sure
We'll pray for you, that you will walk
in faith

Why do you have to leave us now?

The memories that we have
we'll frame in gold
You're more than a friend, a brother to us
in Christ

Don't say goodbye *W.K
It's not the end *D.P
Don't you dare cry *W.K
Show me your smile *D.P

*we called richard up and asked the OCFers to sing along*

Don't say goodbye *guys
It's not the end *girls
Don't you dare cry *guys
Show me your smile *girls

May you grow in faith and hope and love

found it...

came out of the library to make a call to a friend (my ex-classmate in MBS) in wollongong, sydney. his gf is going for extra diagnosis to see whether she has appendicitis. imagine the shock he would be going through and both of their first years overseas. he sms-ed me about it to pray for both of them. i thought he would be worried sick. so i went out the library, called him through the public phone to check up on him. (great way to use up the countless 5 cents). he wasn't as worried as i thought he would be. he was more of regretting he didn't bring his books to study cause he has been waiting for more than 3 hours + being hungry and also asking me what appendicitis was. hee hee... my friend...

and so i tried the computers at the resource center. i can read the flash. the dumb computers at the engineering and maths building must have had lots of firewalls or some security protection.

anyway, i watched the flash and type the words out at the same time. i hope i paragraphed it right. here's the song.

He Will Be
by Richard Berardi

He will be
Your candle in the dark
Your fire in the cold
Your strength
When you are just too weary

He will be
Your everlasting love
When the world fades away
With you eternally
He will be

Let Him in your heart
The power of His love will shelter you
Wherever you go
You will always know that
He will be
With you when you're alone
A friend to share your tears
Someone you can always turn to

He will be
Your silence in the storm
He'll smile away the rain
Everything you''ll ever need
He will be

Put your trust in Him
In everything that He can do
Deep in your soul forever
He will live with you

Jesus Christ
With you eternally
He will be
The same yesterday today and forever.

random writings...

stuck in the comp lab doing statistical practise lab sessions.
one of the days that i really woke up early this time. i'm feeling like i'm having a lot of time. after struggling for some time on my stats, its only 11. what the? only 11?

went around blogs. i think that's why my internet quota at uni is running a > 100 MB deficit. its a big big negative. ok... and also an online game 'utopia'.

i tried once, blog-travelling. a new term i made up. where you start with one blog. click on someone's links that you don't know. if the post bores you, click on the history and get the middle post. if it still bores you, then click on another unknown link again. and you travel.
and whoa, the amount of inspirations you get. you see great people. but also the sad side of the world.

when you read out thoughts that people posted, it does bring up thoughts of your own.

wanting to go on a vege diet or non-oily or less meat, but a healthier one. need to clear my body of Hungry Jack's (seriously, we're very good friends already), potato chips, flavoured biscuits and the 'V' caffeine drink (hey, medics. i'm going to die soon right? ).
but its hard to find a good place. i don't want to be sub-way's best friend next.

i saw the wedding photos of 2 of my youth leaders. the girl, oops... i mean lady, whom i always called 'che che' since i started speaking.
pretty...
that's where you miss your youth group. 2 years plus and counting... that's how long i'm continuing to be away and who knows. i remember feeling out of place when i went back after 6 months cause a lot of changes had happened then. what more, now.
i'll say that they still remember me, but the feeling is different compared to before.

things (or directions in life) changes a lot when you come overseas. the opportunities and doors fly open everywhere. even more things are a possibility to consider. and to know God's will?
don't ask me... i'm sitting through the journey myself. its requires the need to call upon faith in God even more than ever (for naruto fans, imagine needing more chakra). from Jeremiah 29:11, God knows who we are, our preferences, and our character. sometimes things don't turn out the way we want them to be or a direction in life requires a lot of change. i don't think God's plans will want to make us suffer because God's plans are to prosper you, not to harm you. the changes are maybe for the moment to build you up.

i found a site a few days ago through my adventures of blog-travelling. i found a site with a meaningful song. i tried to search it online but can't find it cause it is privately written. tried to open the site for the lyrics to post it up, but this uni comp don't allow me to download the flash software.

oh well... will get it up when i'm home much much later.

OCF....

friday.
tired.
library.
slept.
late for practise.
by 10 minutes.
practise went well.

was happy. talked and being with the people that i love.
prayed for worship. commit it into God's hands.

the worship went well. God's hands was really upon it. God's presence was really there. and working with the worship leader and the team of musicians... it gives meaning in my heart. (kind of hard to explain it)

and Pastor Tim preached a wonderful message. about confidence. differentiating confidence from opinions and personality.
confidence comes from the word 'confide'. (revelation) and who or what do we confide in? who are we suppose to confide in? who is the best to confide in, that will never fail you or disappoint you?
we should confide in God. it brings out the meaning of confidence even more.

we had a time of ministry. i prayed for God to guide my hands before playing 'You rescued me'. and Pastor Tim continued to minister after that.
and what i went through was... was... was something i'll never forget.
i was already having a bad headache due to tiredness during the speaker session. but i went up to play. and Pastor Tim ministered and prayed. and encouraged OCFers to pray for each other.

i played 'You rescued me', 'Jesus loves me this i know' and a few more. but the headache and tiredness came. i just prayed, 'God, all this playing is not mine. guide my hands and mind for You to speak to others through me.' and the songs that came out after that, were just songs that i had held close to my heart in comfort through the stretching week that i had.
Be still my soul, Take me deeper, There is no mountain too big, You Alone (You are the peace), Give thanks and more.
i played for 1 hour and 20 minutes non stop. NONE of it is mine. it was GOD. thank you Ben and Alan for sitting next to me, to accompany and spur me on to continue playing for the praying OCFers.

i went home. tired. brain flushed.
but amazed at God's hands. touched by God.