Sunday, June 29, 2008

grief counselling...

yes. grief. as in mourning.

i attended a course by the church on saturday (yesterday). and as always i have my friends who are wondering, am i in grief? no, i'm not. and as expected, me and another guy were the youngest there. i'd say 3 young people. the rest were old. beyond 50s. most were attending because they had been through grieving times and are wanting to be trained as counsellors. i, on the other hand, just want to learn more so that i can help more. also to make sure i don't say the wrong things lah.

some of the topics that are covered that i remember off the top of my head, identifying the types of grieving, the process of grieving, healthy and unhealthy symptoms, the myths, what to do and what not to do, how to help in healing and there was a discussion about improving the griving ministry in church.

i definitely learn a lot. i think it was info overload. throughout the seminar, the adults shared their own testimony from time to time. i have to say it was depressing. but a good depressing cause it was my heart feeling their hurts and understanding their hurts that are continuing on.

Loss is the main word for the cause of grief. it can range from losing your wallet, to losing your gf/bf, to losing your spouse/family. griving makes everyone equal. and there's no one size fits all type of help. everyone is different.
the normal or the best/fastest time to heal? 3-4 years.
shocking, eh? but yups... that's what the pastor says. yeah.. he specializes in counselling. his insights were very deep. definitely blew me away. a very new thinking process.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

the 2 things...

got myself a 160GB external harddrive at a very good price of RM190. thanks to my friend. more of preparing some portable gear for a potential recording project. trying to work hard at it for fundraising. well, i'm happy... but yet again, it seems to be getting further due to higher priorities coming in. been researching lots on the best ways and the time estimated to really make a good one seems to be getting longer and longer. well, don't care. i'm going to find out what it takes.

people seem to think i'm very free after exam. yeah right... i had to put off a lot of things and i guess now, resume. finished up the usual round of admin stuff. and trying to see where in church needs help. the CFA period taught me a lot about time. i realise now that i really got to zero in on what i am made for. the strengths and weaknesses. which part of the body of Christ am i in?

now, when people say busy, i'm like, how busy can you be? of course, there are the really genuinely busy.
people ask me how am i busy? well, passion for music and encouraging people. i guess it is in my DNA to be an encourager, counsellor. molded through my upbringing and surroundings, it seems God guides me through this path more and more. evidence? well, people asking for help piles on me more and more.

what do i have? nothing much. just some wisdom(whatever little amount that is), some lame jokes, and a listening ear. not that i'm taking it lightly, but the 3 mentioned amounts to guidance, little bit of laughs/cheering up and being there.
i don't claim to be the best nor am i saying that i'm good at it. its God's gift. i do what i can. it was through time before i realised it. brought up with Christian principles plus a lot of punishment, hurt and hardship taught me the value of integrity and the value of not budging. maintaining secrecy is a top priority. well, whatever goes in me, doesn't come out.
have you ever wondered, do you know how many hurting people are out there? its all hidden underneath the mask.

i have always loved shows about the butterfly effect of life. God placed everyone on earth for a purpose. every single action of yours counts. and that means a smile as well. your one smile, your one 'how are you?', your one prayer, your one sms, your one personal email (and not those lousy senseless forwarding). that one item counts. some people do it for networking for their own possible future personal gain. some do it because they care. because Jesus has loved us first. so we shall love one another.
- John 13:34-35 -

a very weird start for a post that suddenly leads to encouragement, right?
nooo... it is from there that a want and vision for music that ministers to people grew. songs that will lift peoples hearts. songs that grant comfort, brings joy. songs that have a purpose. well, let's see how these 2 things go on through my life. i'm still puzzled and confused at where i am and where i'm going.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

of missing church...

i've been missing church for 5 sundays in a row. maybe more. cause mock exams are 9-5pm before the real thing which unfortunately is on a sunday too. i try to keep accountable to it and always have a spiritual check constantly to make sure that, this is just a 'for-now' thing and not permanent.

i remember how in uni, it is just black and white and just avoid those sort of things like not attending church and all. well, easy to say and when everything can't be more than 15 minutes drive away. now its a lot of grey areas coming up. some will have the view point, die die got to go to a church service, and some would say, its okay for now.

i would say, please make sure you know what you are doing. take care of yourself. and when others open their mouths in concern, be glad they care for you.
one thing for sure is, have a sabbath. whatever the day, have a sabbath. be with the people of God. with the followers of Christ. it usually is a sat or sun for the marketplace people.

some will say, got to work nonstop. some may have no choice. it is then, we should care for them more and hope that they'll eventually be able to rest. some say its ok wan... won't affect me. yeah right... your faith is going to be gone soon. and not only that, i believe this is one of those things where you'll only know and see the effects in 50 years time of your life. probably sooner, looking at the lifestyle of people now.

there's also the part of the church-goers. what do you do at church? there are those alive, and not alive. those alive, are not the louder churches, but the churches that say hello to you. i have to say i have my guilty moments. i am shy. serious. i always have to force myself. i regret the moments where i could have done better. well, i try harder the next time.

Friday, June 13, 2008


wow! its only 5 days since my exam. felt like a month has passed. perhaps i haven't been doing anything for so long, and suddenly in 5 days i'm doing so much, makes it feel like a long time has passed.
on sunday itself after exam, went and watch Kung Fu Panda and played bowling. Kung Fu Panda ranks equal humour to Madagascar. and Madagascar 2 is coming out soon.

after 2 weeks of not working, re-adapting back was a bit tough. got really blur on monday. and i was still tired, more to strained from the exam period. after 5 days, i think i'm still not rested properly. more to because i have the admin stuff to do after putting it off for 2 weeks, and i have to admit, using my new found time to the fullest.

i would rank this week's work performance as one of my worst. i wasn't happy at myself. i still manage to put in the required work but i don't think i did it in good spirits. it was a struggle and that's not a good worker. plus i was sleepy. perhaps too use to the naps. got to break out of the habit and regain back my work routine. i remember getting to conquer the afternoon sleepiness and now, unfortunately, it's back. will increase the efforts.

attended small group today and its wonderful to be with them again. talking about the album for fund raising, to the discussion of the grey areas of life, to laughing at the expense of one another.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

getting back to normal life...

well... it's done. i hope it's well done. it was easier. that's because i was comparing to the mock exams that my classes gave which were tougher. very. well, we can say it may have drove us to work harder, but hey, it was pretty depressing too knowing that you still cannot do a mock exam (a MOCK exam) 5 days before the real thing. how stressful is that? [same independent opinions from the rest of my classmates] ah well... what's done is done. you can't transform a well-done meat back to its raw form. i can say, that i am not guilty of not trying hard enough.

the chapter of 'studying while working', its not the end yet. but one thing is that i've learned a lot.

it humbles me back again to know, its tough. there are good habits and abilities that i've lost. old weaknesses that i've got to put a bridle on and not let it control me. on fri and sat, the stress levels got pretty bad that i had to just sit down and blank out about for half hour. i have to say i suddenly feel very free now. one thing for sure that i know is that at the point i thought i couldn't go any further, i just keep tell myself, God is still there. He is always there... and i thought, just keep on trying.

now, after 2 weeks of leave, i got to get back to working. i hope i still remember how to work. haha... well, got to get back to normal life now. readapt back.

i must thank you all for the encouragement and prayers that i've been getting. i know that i don't know everyone who prayed (or the amount of people). the encouragement definitely came as surprises and thankfulness, knowing that i have wonderful people that God placed around me.

Friday, June 06, 2008

keep trying...

keep trying... keep trying... keep going...

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

day 10...

doing exercises. why the questions seem so hard? hmm... and got stuff that appears that i've never seen before. haha... takes a while to be out-putting knowledge smoothly.

the days are counting down, and as pressure seems to mount, i know above all else that i need to stay calm and not let emotions run me over. got to look to God. got to place discipline, maturity and wisdom as the foundation. the final outcome of it all will only be decided after 5pm on sunday. that is the 'times up' of the 2nd paper.

i was thinking this 'pushing' experience would have good in it. i got to let God show me. i kind of saw some light-hearted things. you know when we are students, we wish we don't have the perils of studying and exams anymore and are working. and when we are working already, we wish we were students back again?
well, well... looky here... i have both. i am studying while working. so does that mean, i'm having a double-good or a double-bad? hahaha... try and solve that...

wishing it will just be monday now, and that the paper has been sat through and with good colours.. yeah right... all my wishful thinking.
i guess God knows that it wouldn't be good for me.
Perseverance has to finish its course so that i will be complete, not lacking in anything.

alright... focus on...

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

day 9...

well, after some really bad mood spells, i manage to catch up on syllabus on day 8 (yesterday). completed filling in the details for my brain. the new problem is remembering.

started doing questions today, and man, its really really slow. and i can't remember anything. the syllabus is so wide. got to keep trying. i'd think this is normal and the skill is to get the 'doing' up to speed for exam. practise the output.

no one likes getting pressed. really pushing me to some limits and taking quite a lot out of me. as much as i'd complained, yeah... that wasn't a good example. got to be more positive. got to try harder to look to God.
a point of view did struck me about about having to look at this taking-prof-cert stuff in a different way now. it is a learning and thinking skill. how does this tech knowledge relate to the world. i am giving a try at CFA. no more just about getting good results and all, though it may seem to be and a good feel to have.

what do i get coming out of this event/process/experience? i dunno... i'll see when i have the post-mortem hindsight of the past.