Wednesday, December 29, 2004


it is a short time back home. though it was short, but the time was meaningful. i did my best to use it well.

time just becomes very valuable when you are really lacking of it. i had to really plan my time well, that it does not clash with any other plans of spending time with my family. went to visit my relatives a lot.

i had to filter out the friends that i should meet in terms of importance and length of time i didn't see them. had to sacrifice some meeting, and really maximise the days.

time may have been short. am really sad to be going so fast. its like, not enough time. but if God meant it to be this way, then it would be enough time.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

what a few days....

been out from 10 am to 1 am on the 23rd and 24th of dec.
meet up with schoolmates on 23rd and on the 24th went out with another batch of schoolmates and then to the calvary church christmas musical at PGRM where joel was conducting.

well, they change in their looks, and they said i haven't change at all in my looks. still having that same 'goody boy' look. it was really nice getting to meet up with them again.

but they did say that i looked very drained out and dispirited and quieter. well, its kind of funny, how the friends you have helped before in school last time, are now helping me back. a full circle. it does rekindle the spirit. yes, they are shock, but they came to my aid. reminders of the times, and keeping the discipline and spirit and not having it shaken.

my friend and i decided to give joel a real surprise for his christmas present. putting the guitar pick and the card at the bottom of a brick in a shoe box. well, we pretended that it was super fragile. the brick weighed more than 3.5 kg.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004


so many things have changed. one does miss out on a lot of things when you are away for a year.

thankfully the roads did not change. but church has changed, the people, the pastoral staff, the insides of the sanctuary, sunday school, and the youth group has grown quite big. and also the many pairing up of people. i only had 2 sundays in malaysia, but well, will be able to attend the many services. candlelight service (dec 24), christmas services, sunday service (dec 26), and watchnight service (dec 31).

somehow, i can't recall many names, and my time in malaysia seem to have stopped when i was 19. and i still think that everyone is the same age. but it has already been 2 years. and the thirteens are all grown up and dressed up. the fifteens and sixteens are all youth leaders in church now.

i'm sure there would be change too with my other schoolmates. well, will be meeting them soon...

Sunday, December 19, 2004

raymond's wedding...

Those of whom God has joined together,
let no one put asunder.

i hereby, pronounce you, husband and wife.
Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Lim.

When love is found and hope comes home,
Sing and be glad that two are one.
When love explodes and fills the sky,
Praise God and share our Maker's joy.

When love has flowered in trust and care,
Build both each day, that love may dare
to reach beyond home's warmth and light,
to serve and strive for truth and right.
'When Love is Found' Brian Wren 1978

it was a long journey to Klang. and all worth it. the wedding was nice. the sermon was double the length (having a translator). we had some cool presentations.
later was lepaking( more of cooling down) at Jansen's home before the wedding dinner. saw his lifetime photos (including drag queen) and hearing his progress on easter camp (Encounter!).
Gillian, shi hui, shelley, lai kuan, ee ling, edward, delicia, jansen and i. it was wonderful to see each other again.
but praise got to go to raymond and ee laine, for still managing to smile after taking countless photos at the church, and even more later at the wedding dinner. we saw them exercising their faces.

the ocf table is still yet to solve the mystery of the person, whether the person is a guy or a girl.

Friday, December 17, 2004

God's Eye View

God's-eye View
by John Fischer

For now we see through a glass, darkly… (1 Corinthians 13:12 KJV)

I had a mentor once who loved to teach about faith from a 20-foot long timeline of Bible history that he used as a powerful visual effect. He would roll out this room-sized diagram with a long line from Adam and Eve to the present day. On it, at appropriate spots, he would place little figures representing some of the well-known characters of the Bible such as Abraham, Moses, David, Ezekiel, and Paul. Then he would walk over to where, say, Moses was, turn him toward the future, and place a dark pane of glass right in front of his nose.

“This is how much Moses could see when he looked this way,” he would say, and because we had the perspective of the rest of the timeline, we could understand Moses’ dilemma, but also gain strength from what we knew lay ahead of him that he couldn’t see. In other words, in relation to Moses, we had more of a God’s-eye view of things.

Though Moses could not see into the future, there were two directions he could look, both of which were useful to his faith and in turn are useful to ours. He could look back and see how God had been faithful in his own life up until then, and, most importantly, he could look up to God and put his trust in the one who sees all.

The obvious lesson here is that we are in a similar place. We can only look back to the past and up to God, and remember there is a God’s-eye view of this; we just can’t see it right now. He knows what He’s doing and how the events of our lives fit into His overall purposes for us, and those around us. He sees reasons we have no access to. He sees a plan that looks at best murky from our point of view. But the future, and God’s purposes for us, and the reliability of His promises are no less reliable than they were to Moses. In fact, we have the huge benefit of much more history than Moses ever had-the fulfillment of things he could only dream about.

So just remember, whatever you are going through today, or wondering about in relation to tomorrow, there is a God’s-eye view of this. Look up.

John Fischer is the Senior Writer for Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotionals. He resides in Southern California with his wife and son. John is also a published author and songwriter.


i'm starting to realise that some of my posts are not really good sounding. does not go together with the reason i wanted to have this blog.

but i guess, this is a part of me. a part of my life. how humans are. emotions. what goes on in the mind. the worries. the fears. the reactions.

to trust His heart... to be a man after God's heart...

Wednesday, December 15, 2004


yes, i am home...came back on the 12th.

it is a relief to be home. so so so very very very relieved. when i came back, i cried a little bit in the car (thank goodness it was dark), knowing that finally the year is over. it is finally over. tears of relief. joy? i dunno...

i'm still exhausted. still kind of disturbed. how long more, how far more, where, what have i done, what have i not done. i did not want any of this to happen and i put in the effort to make sure that it doesn't happen. i can only cry out in silence and in defense. but it is of no proof that i did work hard or did concentrate or put in effort.
who will believe me? don't think anyone will. in the typical asian culture, there is the loser who wasted his parents money. his other strengths don't count anymore if the main objectives can't be reached. no more serving.

been home and talking with my parents each day about future plans. evaluation. spending time. they have been understanding, but at the same time disappointed and concern over what has happened to me. never has a fall this big happened.

many would have heard the testimony that penny asked me to share at convention. how could i forget the period that i gone through. what is it for? a sign of comfort and revelation. that is all there is to hold on to. but where does it lead to? what's the purpose? talk about faith man... the questions still come...

i'm still lost and disappointed, in the face of uncertainty. i need healing.

Monday, December 13, 2004

why no post?

you may be wondering why i didn't post for so long. the previous post would have explained it.

if i were to have typed, the post would not have been good.

i struggle.
it is hard.
its been a long journey.
but i sat for the papers, hoping for the best.

one thing sure was that i was really drained. exhausted. it was not easy to fight through everything. i don't want to give up. i won't give up. things have been stupidly disappointing.

each night, it is mind games, keeping lies and bad thoughts away, trying to focus on God. and to follow Him.

in the midst of it all, God placed good people around me. having brothers and sisters who call me up when they are in convention and AGM. handy, yvonne, shelley, celine, elaine, edward, sarah, audrey, eileen, hmm... can't remember a few more... it is wonderful.

even after the whole ordeal, i still have no idea how or why or what. i may feel much better in some ways, but that does not take away what is really happening. trusting God, is tough. you need God's spirit. God's peace. God's strength. prayer. faith.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Trust His heart

Trust His Heart
By Cynthia Clausen

All things work for our good
though sometimes we can't see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows what's best for us;
His ways are not our own.
So, when your pathway grows dim,
and you just can't see Him,
Remember He's still on the throne.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don't understand,
when you don't see His plan,
When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart.

He sees the Master plan.
He holds our future in His hands.
So don't live as those who have no hope.
All our hope is found in Him.
We walk in present knowledge,
but He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry, He's weaving you and me
to someday be just like Him.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

operation successful.

the operation was successful. the diseased organs were removed completely without complications. Now the fight is against the toxins that have gone into the blood stream. Even for humans this happens. It is call toximia.

the vet said that the tumor growth was in the last stage(puss and toxic) and they hope that the toxins is not too excessive in the blood stream. They are giving very strong antibiotice injection to Pepper. thank goodness it was removed successfully and in time.

my dog is recuperating now. yay!

Monday, November 22, 2004


i had a bad headache the whole day. probably caused by the strain on my mind, knowing that home is not well. went out and had time spent with the OCFers. dinner, Friends on tv, watched a movie. sorry to those that i offended in what i said. trying to be happy and put other things behind.

well, my mother updated me on the condition of my dog, Pepper.

its ovaries and uterus is full of puss and needs an operation to remove both the organs.

tomorrow at 8 a.m. they will take my dog for surgery. it is only a 50-50 percent chance of a success because my dog is quite old. at 7.30 p.m. an antibiotic and a vitamin injection was given to strengthen it for the operation. the operation costs RM 480.00.

i hope that the operation goes well. i pray.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

pull and stretch....

just icqed with my mother.

my father is not feeling well. sick. having palpitations. going on medication, but without enough rest, it won't make a difference. already had 3 busy weekends and not enough time to rest. mother says its pretty bad. my father took medicine and is just sitting on the chair, and waiting for the palpitations to stop. and still got to go to work tomorrow.

my mother is very tired and burnt out from housework, and having to take care of my father, and church work as well. my sister also having the same thing. just came back from a church retreat, and having to clean up the house, the car, my dog, my dog's food which was eaten by the crows and the crows messed up the whole patio and car. stupid crows. you'll see my catapult again when i come home. you will remember me.

my dog is dying. very sick. didn't eat for the past 5 days. too weak to move. having bleeding wastes. i think it is having some internal stomach bleeding. tomorrow it will see the vet, hopefully if it lives till tomorrow. and more. 10 years old. please don't die. let me see you alive when i come home.

Lord, strengthen me. i pray to You.

pray for me...

the end of Lincoln...

the time at lincoln has ended.

i see one of the last of my brothers in college leave. edward. for the first time, i realise, i'm alone now. there is no one to watch over me in case i go wrong. there is no one i can go to when i feel alone or sad or when i'm stressed. there's no room that i can go to now. there's no one i can go to for guidance. elvin and ee leon left, it wasn't so bad. now edward leaves. i really thank God for the people that He has placed around me and to forgive me if i took them for granted. i will really really miss him. i'm going to be crying like gillian already. i have seen this happen before for kenneth kwan and nickson and soke ling. but now i really feel the full force of it. someone who i have grew up with for 2 years in college.

college is so quiet now. people have left. OCFers have left also. the flights are all calling. right now, there are only 'leftovers' in college. the last few to leave. i see things ending for the year. i see my elder friends leaving. salvaging lots of stuff.

i will really miss college. the people. the friends. the guidance. the community. there is every side to it. i have learnt so much in lincoln. laughed, cried, played, celebrated birthday's, performed, played tricks, soccer, ping pong, foosball, pool, taught, guided, advised, helped, shared.

but times will change. as much as i don't like it, this is how it is. this is how OCF is. and how being overseas is. as much as there is the guidance, impact and happiness, there are also the struggles, pains and parting.

i will miss edward. i am missing edward. i miss my brother.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

tired, tired.....

exam ended. went to sleep. tired.

did my laundry. now i'm filled with chores. i really have to discipline myself to do all these chores cause its a personal responsibility.

went to the beach yesterday. it was fun. didn't go to the beach for so long. i even felt uncomfortable in the sea water. went with edward, richard loy, jun lin, yiing yiing and evelyn. played volleyball. build sand sculptors on edward , richard and yiing yiing. in between, had the dunking of me TWICE. and richard (though he actually fell by himself. good push edward). and a few attempts on edward. built a sandcastle though it looked more like a sand factory. was really exhausted after all that. went to the mandarin house to eat. and i think i got too much heat in my body. my head really feels odd. and i have been sleeping too much. maybe its the sun.

oh well, got to continue some stuff. so many people going home. will miss them. got a lot to catch up and get contacts.

Monday, November 15, 2004

it is finished...

i have sat for my last paper today.
it is over.

i have sat through 3 papers, though having so much fear. i know that i didn't go through this alone. it was with God's strength that i was able to go through all of that. i thank God, for calming my heart, granting me peace of mind, surrounding me with love and support from others.

i recently heard, that if you are going to sit for a paper, and you think you can't, there is an option under the compassion condition (to sit for supplementary papers) that you can tick. one of the compassion conditions can be on the basis because you have failed the previous papers and is too traumatised to sit for a paper again. i didn't know it was such big a thing till it's even put under compassion. i know i could relate to it.

i guess i never knew what i was facing. i never will cause i can't look into the future. all the more i should trust God to lead me. the months ahead, the years ahead. it will come. it's a matter of whether i am walking with God or not.

a valley may have ended, but the journey still continues...

Sunday, November 14, 2004

exam week...

had 2 papers already. it is near to the end of the war. one more week for uni adelaide and the exam week would be starting for uni SA.

i have one more to go. tomorrow. afternoon. my prayers to the other students as well.

adrian, andrew's brother, had a stroke. his whole left side was paralysed. seriously, it was devastating to hear of it. he is going to graduate at the end of the year. but i guess not, for now. he went for an open heart operation already. and praise God, all went well. and he is recovering now. many prayers to God have been for him. prayer chains and all. we uphold him into your arm, Lord.

life's course isn't straight. anything can happen. and someimes we think that it is so so so tough on us studying. but wake up! think again.

in times like these that we don not understand, this is where our faith should be ever more in God.

God will make a way
where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

Thursday, November 11, 2004

second paper...

i think i slacked quite a lot for the second paper, thinking that the first is done and i can relax now. but man, wrong.... so so wrong.... had to pay the consequences and stay up till so late in the morning, that is thursday morning. i had the stay up and then sleep tactic, and handy had the sleep first and wake up earlier tactic. dunno whose works. but i ended up 4-5 a.m. sleeping on the library (lincoln) table, 5-6 a.m. sleeping on the library floor and 6-7 a.m. sleeping on my bed in my room. well, i thought might as well stay up. but decided to take a short nap. then might as well lie down. then, man, i need the rest.

none of the past year questions came out. but it is answerable. there were the regrets. i hope i did ok. well, got to make sure i really prepare for the financial economics on monday. it's not a paper to be looked down upon. i wonder how everyone else is doing.

i hope they are doing alright. i'll hope to see them on friday tomorrow. want to ask them how they are doing. sigh, the need to choose wisdom over short-term enjoyment. to have wisdom over foolishness. having my leg injured will really put me out for a long time in sports. i realised i can now use that time to put more effort in practising my flute. and also rest.

fly... me up to where you are beyond the distant star... i wish upon tonight, to see you smile.... if only for a while to know you're there... a breath away's not far, to where you are...

and i believe in you, although you never ask me to.. i will remember you and what life put you through... and in this cruel and lonely world.. i've found one love... you're still you.. after all, you're still you...

Monday, November 08, 2004


well, had my knock out. was so tired. my focus of objects was also shaky. seriously had to sleep.

but before my exam this morning. i had lots of people smsing me. i was like, 'huh? another?'. but i'm really grateful for the support and care and concern of others. felt really touched, especially when going through that period of time. i had no idea what to feel. scared, or brave, or calm, or quick! give that last minute of study, or to claim victory, or to be confident. (hmm... must be thinking too much, but that was how i felt).

my father also said that if i still didn't feel too good, i can still call back anytime before my exam, if i still need comfort and encouragement. the support that i need.


'God allows life to be rocky. Stumbling blocks or stepping stones? You decide... May you be able to rise to the challenge.'
- Handy Goh No

'Hope is not a granted wish or a favour performed. It's far beyond that. It's a crazy and unpredictable dependence on a God who loves to suprise us. God bless! :)'
- Lai Kuan

'Keep perspective.'
- Danny Wong

'Romans 12:1-2. All the best for today. Give it your best! Hugs. -G-
-Gillian Foo

i really thank the many who supported me. it's something close to my heart.


swot week.

i spent the whole of last week in uni. coming back to college only to sleep. i didn't eat the meals or see my friends. only a few times. i nearly joined the phantom club in the college. that explains my one week of absence on the site. my exam was today in the morning.

on saturday night, i was in uni. early evening and i didn't feel so well. felt weak and feverish and cold. i didn't know what i was feeling. it was later on sunday night when i felt the same feeling again that i really found out what it was. it was fear.

fear. fear of not doing well. fear of not getting good results. the pressure of doing well amounts to its fullest. the trauma of the semester before. facing the same event that broke you down. a pivoting moment in your life. am i able to face it? fighting to avoid the same mistake. trying to be strong. to keep strong. to be wise and not let other things poke in the mind. the heart feels weak and the mind disturbed.

called home. cried, as the pressure is mounting. then went and study. and to remember to put all things in God's hands. kept calm. did my best though the worries and fear keep knocking on the door of my heart and mind. i just put it behind in God's hands.

sat for the paper. the paper was reasonable. not too tough. could do. i could do better. i can slowly start to smile. i hope i did ok, or hopefully more, did well. very tired at the moment. couldn't sleep last night. the only rest was because i kept still on the bed. haha... going to nap...*power shutdown*

Monday, November 01, 2004

daylight savings & the heart for others...

man, it is just one hour but it does kind of affect. maybe it's just peculiar me. was seriously like dizzy and no idea what happenned to me. want to study! want to study! but i didn't feel so good and had a headache. slept at 10pm. got woken up at 12.50am, couldn't sleep till 4 or 5 am. so i did some work. then woke up at 11 am. did work. went for lunch. came back. was really dizzy and headache and i slept. slept till 6.45pm. fortunately, elaine called me and woke me up. my body felt so like out of shape, and the internal organs are like aching.

funny stuff. anyway, handy came over to study. did study. but also did diverted for some times. my knee is healing. but yes, still not that good. less pain though. handy brought over a packet of starburst jellies for me. was really nice of him. a great brother. and he's like giving it to gillian and sarah also (that's what i know). an angel that we need during our exam times.

trying to work hard and all. let's help each other and uphold each other as friends and brothers and sisters in Christ amidst the exams and all. everyone's going through a hard time. let's not forget about the heart for others.

Saturday, October 30, 2004


well, had a tiring week. nope, no sports or anything, cause the right knee is gone already. but its the strain on the mind and the body to have to sit and study and work hard.

the stress and pressure can be felt in the air. crankiness and despair, pain and worries. all the more we need to trust God. pastor tim spoke at ocf yesterday. i have no idea what the title was, but it was based on the verse 2 Corinthians 4:7-9.

'But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.'
(remember the song, 'trading my sorrows')

the speaker had 3 points to present
1. Keep it real.
- being honest, having a thankful attitude and spirit amidst circumstances.

2. Keep going.
- never give up. to run the race and never stop running, even if it means crawling to the finish line.

3. Keep perspective.
-get into perspective. we may need to stop ourselves and not just see troubles, but to see the plan that God has in your life ( the big picture ). you may not know where you are going. but there are signs, and have faith and trust.

we may see but only darkness. yet, do not despair, for better days are ahead.

Thursday, October 28, 2004


things have been pretty tough on me. and it really test me in many ways. i guess that would be the same for the many who are taking exams and going through tough periods of their own. i just try to smile more, and be of cheer to others and to look on the bright side and put my worries and fears away.

at times, i'm like, i've had enough. i'm too tired to take in anymore stuff. at other times, i will want to push more. i don't want to give up. it is tough, wondering when will i get to see sunshine again. i had many realizations lately. some which are scary, some which are amazing. but that will be for another time.

i need strength. i need to pray. i need to cast my cares and worries at God's feet and to focus on God's face.

Lord, help me to pray earnestly with my heart. i come to you, weak hearted, painful leg, worn out. it is hard, Lord. so many times i feel like giving up, like i can't take it anymore. weary. help me to continue to trust in You. and to cast my cares at Your feet. forgive me, Lord for the many times i didn't pray, for the many times i have sinned and for the bad thoughts.

strengthen me Lord, that i may be able to do my best and study and be of good spirit and a good witness. help me to take foolishness away from me, and grant me wisdom. i always want to learn and grow that i may serve You more. but things just seem different. i have no idea why. i try, Lord, to learn and grow. to remember You always. as a Father and friend.

Lord, help me with things with my parents. its a problem that's, yeah, unique for my own. i thank you for people you have placed around me. fill me with your joy. the joy of the Lord. grant me good rest. and heal me. help me as i go through this phase, that i may concentrate and do and give my best. i feel scared Lord that the same thing will happen again. please grant me calmness. all this i pray in Jesus name, Amen.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004


wisdom, something that is needed and it is wise to follow wisdom. but some may not want to listen to wisdom though having it. namely, me. my mother's way of saying it, 'some people will have to learn it the hard way.' and i did.

this time it is a ligament of the knee. me, still thinking i'm invincible, was so 'smart'. go and play soccer. and now i have to bear the REAL cost. i have no idea how bad it is. will be seeing the doctor tomorrow.

i'm sure i would have disappointed some people. yes, i did. the people that cares for me. i don't really want to disappoint them. but foolishness thinking 'it will be alright', doesn't pay off, but makes you pay. cantonese saying will be 'tai sei'. really worried. for the worst cases, it is possible that i may not be able to run again. ( a big big horror for me, cause it would mean, no more sports).

i searched for some verses about wisdom.

'It is the Lord who gives wisdom; from him come knowledge and understanding.' Proverbs 2:6

'You are the one who will profit if you have wisdom, and if you reject it, you are the one who will suffer.' Proverbs 9:12

'Truth, wisdom, learning, and good sense - these are worth paying for, but too valuable for you to sell.' Proverbs 23:23

'But the wisdom from above is pure first of all; it is also peaceful, gentle, and friendly; it is full of compassion and produces a harvest of good deeds; it is free from prejudice and hypocrisy.' James 3:17

oh, how true. verily, verily, it is true.

Sunday, October 24, 2004



woke up and went to church. and it was a combine service of the chinese and the english congregation. the church isn't so established yet in handling the a bi-lingual service so it was pretty amusing at times.

there was an interpreter for the service. he did his best. and i could understand what the sermon was about. and yes, the sermon was twice as long. bleh... and i want to express again, the wonderful chinese songs singing out to God. they are elven songs with beautiful words. the songs was a lot about trusting God. man, i got the message.

later on, went to the airport for fannie's farewell. got to know caroline and kah ling better while in the car going to and fro from the airport. fannie is a dear sister of mine. i would remember that she cared for me when i came in my first year. ever willing with advice and guidance. will always miss her cheerfulness, her faithfulness and spirit in serving God. yes, there were the tears and dehydration of the body for many. the many Uni S.A. girls and guys that were there at the airport to hug and bid farewell.

here comes to pass another that has fulfilled the OCF vision of reaching out, building up and send home. indeed it would be a farewell for now. but who knows, where we will meet again. take care, fannie...

i'm in the engineering lab now typing this. yeah, a change of lifestyle. going back to study. i can soon call it my second home and learning the engineering lingo quite fast and the secret of the engineering lift. hahaha...

Saturday, October 23, 2004

lessons and reminders...

- be teachable
- learn and grow and walk faithfully with God.

- Gratefulness
- A full priviledge to study overseas
- the basic-ness of life

- You remind me of a medic who is wounded but still going out to the battlefield to save others. You should stay in the hospital. Let it heal and rest.

- Your parents want the best for you to guide you for your future.
- You, at the same time, wanting to do your best not to disappoint them. sometimes, it is still doing your best, but not to what your parents want.

'God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. '
Hebrews 6:10-12

Friday, October 22, 2004

combine meet...

combine meet today was really great. we had delwin worship leading and dr. calvin mah as our speaker. he talked a lot about the pathways of ex-OCFers and how they have lead their lives and where God has lead them. and mentioned a lot about missions and what it really is. i honestly got lost a bit, but fortunately, could catch the important points.

missions, its a field where i don't have much knowledge about, as in the going abouts in the future and what would life be like in the mission field, parents and all. i won't shut it out of course, but i would have to grow and learn more about it before i would want to say anything about it.

fannie lim, siew yee and myra, will be leaving us already. lip how (flinders) too. i served with him as treasurers from different centres. many will be leaving. edward, yvonne. it is really saddening. all the more we should treasure and remember our brothers and sisters in Christ. but that's how it is in OCF. that's the cycle that OCF goes through where people come and go. some long, some short.

went for supper with the uni SA OCFers. had a good time fellowshipping with them. getting to know them better and catching up with them. got to talk with kah ling, myra, eileen and sharon. cheers up my heart. really makes me happy getting to talk with people and catching up with their lives. knowing their interests.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

the meaning of William.

(Will, Willy, Bill, Billy)

Old German - from 'Wilahelm' meaning 'will-helmet' or 'desiring protection'. Introduced to Britain by the Normans, in particular William the Conqueror himself.

Confident, daring, a person of action. Well disciplined with an inquisitive mind.Often a nature lover. A serious romantic. A respected friend.

"No horizon is so far that you cannot get above it or beyond it".

anyway, i got it off from a bookmark that a friend gave me long time ago. the origin sounds normal. the characteristics, i have no idea. i think its just one of those marketing type of stuff. you can't guarantee the characteristics cause anyone will be brought up differently. for example, i (W.Kwong) am no conqueror. but the characteristics are for laughs. do i fill any? hahahahaa.....

Sunday, October 17, 2004

God moulding me...

yes, it is the emotional melancholic and deep thinking complicated side of me. but before anything else, i want to thank all of the people who have been praying for me, asking me how i am, and friends that i get to talk to, who have been encouraging me, and expressing concern. thank you. every little bit counts.

i am not fully fine. but feel much better. the decision was tough, yes. but i have chosen to go for convention. and then later had struggles with parents. was really sad about it. that's where the mind boggling square of non-decipherable words was typed. had good days and tough days.

i am not emotionally strong. that's one of my weakness. i realised that the things i'm going through this semester, is really testing me a lot emotionally. God is moulding me. and i will persevere. it is not easy. i try to have faith and to trust God more. pushing each day. wanting to break free. and succeed. besides exams and assignments, there is also the emotional side. the whole package. i will make it a an extra point to always consciously be learning and growing and making sure that i'm walking in God's path.

'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. ' James 1:3-4

For Prayer: exams on Nov 8, 11, 15. wisdom. strength. discipline. courage. spiritual walk with God.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004


i feel aimless. standing still and having uncertainties. trying to move and moving, but having no idea where. you have a goal, but not knowing how to get there, whether the path is 100%. afraid. you do your best to make decisions, hoping it is wise, putting much thoughts. but get reactions that are otherwise. and the basis of having made the decisions was counted as foolish. fury isn't such a good thing. or could it be? talk about being emotionally drained, what about being emotionally disappointed. being busy doesn't help. got to lay of other things that are important as well. already not so mobile though i try to be. to keep moving. confidence is a funny thing. you need it. but when you lose it, you lose a lot. what about God's will? but we go back to the preparations first. the chipping of the block before it is used. trying to just keep steady and not blow. crying is ok. you have dead long days, weeks, months, struggling all the way, only to see results that are not of wanting. you try to rise, only to see things prepared otherwise for you. so what's the point of rising? be strong... be strong. you try to continue to lead life like normal. but then, now you got to sacrifice so much. how do you balance or choose between equal needs? what does it mean to live a life that God wants? to live a life with God, walking in God's path? at moments you just feel it is all fogged up. you can't see anything. you thought you saw the path, but then it was shaken up a bit. you try to see again and get a clearer view of the path, but more fog comes. shamefully, you have to say, " i don't know." you try to be an example, not to men, but to live God's way. you know the moment you make a mistake or took a wrong step or something bad, news spread faster than the speed of light. you got to get on your knees and ask for forgiveness. i will fight. i will not give up. the days of booms and recessions. underneath the surface, is there an underlying strength of good foundation? is that what counts, or is deception going to come in where only the surface is valued and not the depths? walk in faith. have faith. stand firm. be confident. trust God. long-run. is this a process of growing and chipping of the block, where silver is cleansed from its impurities?


Sunday, October 10, 2004

pulling of the heart...

ever since the exam dates came out, this matter has always been in my mind, always pulling at my heart. i didn't really know whether or not to type it out. the matter may seem small, but it really pulled at 2 things that was part of my heart. i guess you would see the softer and emotional side of me.

it is a choice, to go to convention, or to go home. initially, i chose to go for convention in brisbane. it was in the assumption that exams would end about the last week of Nov. and then convention would follow. so it won't make a difference in the amount of time that i have to spend back home. i will be returning for summer course making the dates, leaving adelaide on the 14th Dec and returning on 1st Jan for summer course. 2 weeks back home.

but when i found out my last paper was on the 15th Nov, there was the big difference of adding an extra month that i could spend back home if i flew back quickly. 1 and 1/2 months! but then i would have to forgo convention.

yes, i would have really thought so much about it, to weigh its pro's and con's, priority, but both equally pulled at the heart. my parents and sister back home, or convention. i do not want to take for granted 'family' back home, but yet, not wanting to miss an opportunity to learn and grow and have an amazing experience in convention. some may think, 'it's just a camp', but it is not just a camp. i want to make my parents happy, but also wanting to be able to talk to others and learn from others in convention. i really love my parents. and would want to make them happy.

my parents called on saturday night. i was so emotionally drained. my parents, of course, would really want me to spend more time back home ( being close to a year away), but they also said that the decision is mine, and they will respect the decision. really cried. i was so exhausted.

talked with a lot of people. seeked advice. their wisdom. many of the reasons that they mentioned, i have thought of and weighed. i have the tendency to think a lot, and Chok stopped me. so did Fannie. zip the brain, and be still. be still.....

it really is a hard decision for me to make. i do not dare to write out some lines cause i think i may exagerate and not use the words properly. did i spend time in prayer about it? i'm guilty for that. i don't think i did spend a lot of time in prayer for the matter, but only spent time thinking about it and worrying about it, thinking that if i put more thought into it, i will get the answer.

i guess i will follow Fannie's advice. everytime a worrying thought comes, put it into prayer.

'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.'
Phillipians 4:6

Friday, October 08, 2004

sprained leg...

well, pretty exhausted. from 2 things. a week full of stuff. and a sprained leg. and to everyone's surprise ( or maybe they were not), the accident-prone me sprained my leg. but it is my left leg this time, and not my right ( which was the previous time). but i was in protest. one would need to go through some pain before they could reach their dream of being a star soccer player. hahahaha.... the injury was due to dedication in soccer. yeah yeah....

it's great to see the friends that i have. the support + the teasing. some wanted to play 'tag' , some tried to tickle me, some had the enjoyment of trying out the crutches and doing flying kicks. haha... it is wonderful to have a family here, all brothers and sisters in Christ.

since this being the second time, i decided i will learn from the first time. complain less, be less dull, and smile. it's not going to stop my heart. there is still joy. life still goes on. there is still a lot of things to do. besides work, there are people around to talk to and lives to touch.

Monday, October 04, 2004

thank you

i want to thank the many people who have been attending and reading my writings. gillian came and read... handy also... and to the many others, rowen and bernard. so happy... i hope that the site, will be a reaching out site and a good site-witness. hahaha... excuse the lame corny line.

yes the posting is really really late. its monday now, and the event was on saturday. was busy. now that holidays are ending. time to kick in all the gears back again. with assignments due and chores, and tasks, really had no mood or time to write. uni starts tomorrow. uni isn't bad. the only thing that is draggy is that the assignments are due and exams are getting nearer. got to revise the tutorials and be smart in the learning. bleh...

but with all that said, Gillian did gave me a card. and the verse on it was, 'I can do all things through Him who gave me strength.' Phillipians 4:13.

and a few amusing lines from Handy about me (only remember two) : ' You had a no-point-in-life period in Aug' and ' You're destined to work with dominant women.'

Sunday, October 03, 2004

time of praise and worship...

was busy trying to finish work and balance the time of practises and uni work. and didn't post for a few days. even if i posted it would be work, work and work.

yesterday, there was a praise and worship event by the english congregation of the Goodwood church. it was their first time having such an event. i learnt many things. besides the journey of completing the race ( or completion of the event ), the day also had lessons that i learnt and reflected upon. got to spend more time and get to know more of Handy, Eng Poh, Arthur, Addielle and Elaine.

the 17 songs being practised over and over again, well, it really does make you get irritated. and when the worship leader repeats it over and over and over, its doesn't help at all. we did laugh about it and all, but i was worried that the songs will just be an irritation and the playing will just be for the playing and not for worship.

i have to say that not much publicity was done for the event. arthur and i was talking about it and he said, probably less than 50 will come. i tried to be more optimistic, but honestly, i got a bit scared about it as well. but i decided to go on in faith and continue to play. even if it means the place is going to be empty.

but, about 60-70 people turned up. it was amazing. and a lot were OCFers. it was so nice to get to see all of them. really wonderful. the songs of praise and worship, were meaningful. hearing the preaching and arthur's testimony, showed even more meaning for the songs. it really is a God blessed night. Glory to God on high!

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

admin meeting...

today had dinner at richard's house. he cooked for us. it was tasty mee hoon. and then there was the admin side of the OCF meeting up. portfolios were discussed and also about the improvements and things to implement.

one thing that was taught, was about being long sighted, or to see things in the long run. richard was teaching about our actions, and do they(in our portfolio) have a good effect in the long run. will the things prepared only be useful for the short run or will it really be the backbone and foundation for the portfolio and OCF in the future. we should be looking at things in the long run, where OCF will grow and prepare for the big number, not to maintain the number.

which where it brought me to thought about the things we do, not only in OCF but in our daily lives. do we see things in the long run? or do we just see the short term?
our actions actually have an effect. an effect in the long run. it causes a butterfly effect throughout. the effects will happen on us and also on to others.

we should have wisdom in our actions which is hard to do so. the pull to the opposite decision always seem the best and the easiest and most relaxing. and we got to struggle and learn. no one's perfect. but we should continue to persevere. not easy to do. but its a daily struggle. that's where the wisdom of choices come to the test. to choose, would it be the short term, or the long term? is it a wise choice, or not?

Monday, September 27, 2004

Heart of Worship

just came back from worship practice for a praise and worship event. well, it is a wow. there were arguments. the atmosphere was really spoilt. the changes of the shape of the face is all there. till even people got to stop the argument. and i'm sure heart tearing hurtful words would have been said. i can't type what, cause i don't understand mandarin. but i could piece a little bit here and there. it was about something really small. about the speed of the song, and about the worship leader coming in early, or later. one was wanting only a certain way and another was saying that its not needed. and as one gets exasperated with each other, things got worse ( it was already getting late, and everyone is tired). it was only between a few musicians that things got heated up.

ironically, funnily, weirdly, the argument was about the starting of the song, ' Heart of Worship.' if you look at the words of the song, it seriously contradicts a lot of the actions mentioned above. what is the heart of worship? is that the heart of worship?
clearly, the heart of worship wasn't there.

another thing would be that, we didn't pray before we start this practise. the previous practises was alright cause there was prayer. and it is evident as to what happened in the musicians side. the choir prayed before they practised and all went well for them. thus, the importance of prayer. indeed later, after a prayer by the pastor there(who didn't know what happened earlier), the last few songs went really well.

as pianists, well, musically we would have been trained well, having the strong foundation of music and would know many ideas and ways of organizing the worship. we should do our best to contribute and help the worship leader ( especially if the worship leader does not know much of music), but it is the worship leader who has the last say. we should not serve our ideas, we should serve God. we should let the worship leader choose what he/she wants, not demand a certain way. why would a worship leader be called a worship leader?

we got to be tactful in what we say. even if we want to help and contribute. what's the point of helping if what you say is going to hurt people? it is then wiser not to help. and words can really cut deep. the wound in the heart takes longer(or maybe never) to heal than the wound on the body.

i was standing at a corner with the keyboard, and well, could observe everyone and their reactions towards the scene. there were people who kept quiet (for it is better to), and there were people who stopped them, there was the choir (the best), who continued to sing the song for they know what it means for the song.

i was reminded of the verse 'Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.' Matthew 5:9

Sunday, September 26, 2004

for always....

and does anyone know of this song? probably A.I movie fans, lara fabian and josh groban fans only would know. titled, ' For Always' . there is the duet and single version. it's a nice song from the soundtrack, ' A.I. ' .

For Always

From The A.I. Soundtrack
Written by John Williams

I close my eyes and there in the shadows
I see your light
You come to me out of my dreams
Across the night

You take my hand though you may be so many stars away
I know that our spirits and souls are one
We've circled the moon and we've touched the sun
So here we'll stay

For always, forever
Beyond here and on to eternity
For always, forever
For us there's no time and no space
No barrier love won't erase
Wherever you go
Is to know
In my heart you will be
With me

From this day on I'm certain I'll never be alone
I know what my heart must have always known
That love has a power that's all its own

And for always, forever
Then we can fly
And for always and always
We will go on beyond goodbye

For always, forever
Beyond here and on to eternity
For always, and ever
You'll be a part of me

And for always, forever
A thousand tomorrows may cross the sky
And for always and always
We will go on beyond goodbye

reflections: well, its a love song obviously. i haven't watched the movie A.I. so i would not know how does the love reflect on who-to-who. it could be 2 lovers, or in the movie? robot and human? ( no idea). anyways, the line that stuck out would be the lines that express neverendingness. like, ' We will go beyond goodbye' , 'Beyond here and on to eternity'.
it could be in friendships, our parents love, the 'someone' who cares for you. Are the friendships that you made going beyond goodbye? how about the love you give? is it for always?
i would say God's love. the love of God. it is 'for always, and ever, beyond here and on to eternity, for there's no time and no space, no barrier love won't erase' . that is God's love for us.

many thanks...

got to thank the many people who have been helping me to get the site right and hearing my neverending questions. html is quite an ok thing if you know it. had a few problems with the site when was adding in the tag board. woo hoo... hit 100 on the counter. i wonder whether was it mostly me checking whether the site is alright? hahaha... anyways, there will always be improvement. and thanks to zhi yong, ying mei, jessica w and the many more people that would be added to the list soon.

i just got a new bible. woo hoo! i have been carrying the 2kg study bible to OCF, prayer meets and church. man... heavy... eng poh said it would have built my muscles. hmm.... no wonder i feel like got buldge like that... hahaha. but that's not the point. the study bible was good for bible studies which is why i bring it to OCF. but to prayer meets and church, i needed a smaller bible to bring, and also so that i could bring a bible everywhere. you'll never know when you'll need it. and the study bible isn't so practical for that. yay to my grey-black italian duo tone compact and portable silver lined page bible by zondervan.

so many thoughts....

too many thoughts been going through my head. just suddenly had a few busy days and learnt a lot. had OCF yesterday and this morning, prayer meet. well, had many thoughts while talking to people, and just had even more thoughts at prayer meet. there were a few issues and one of it was about drinking.

the issue of drinking. there is nothing wrong with drinking but if going drinking causes another person to stumble or fall, then it would be wrong. if the action of drinking causes a butterfly effect to others that they will fall ( and most of the time you'd not know it ), then it would not be appropriate to drink. unless your motives are clear that the going to the pub crawl is just for socializing sake as a college event, then it would be alright. and to think on it, if someone were to ask what you are doing and drinking, you would be clear to answer that it is purely for socializing and if the action is causing one to stumble, then apologize and not do it in front of them.

another would be when one allows substance to take over control of the body. for when one is drunk, one is not aware of the actions one is doing. and this could lead to even more worse things. would one be alert enough to distinguish right from wrong? how would others look at you as a Christian? what type of witness are you giving for God? and that would cause others to stumble and fall.

one can live without drinking. its not essential in life. or is it a must? or a 'modern' and 'in' thing to do? or is it the 'high' thing that is needed and wanted to feel?

drinking wine or a little bit of alcohol, hmm...nothing wrong. Christians drink wine for Holy Communion. drinking wine on occasions is alright. parties, formal events, celebrations. of course it is still one's choice.

i have nothing against drinking, only at how the drinking is done and the actions portrayed out to others.

Bible references = Romans 13:13, Galations 5:19-21, 1st Timothy 3:2-3, 1st Corinthians 8

Thursday, September 23, 2004

the names for the site....

now tell me about it... how tough can it be to get a name for the site. lets see, i had chronicles in mind, but nope, taken. i had william, nope, taken. i tried joy, nope, taken. then i tried message, nope, taken. crap.... then i thought i'd be smart and tried 'joy' and 'chronicles' and 'message' in many different languages. french... portuguese, spanish, italian, german, dutch.... some were hard to remember and some were ok... but wasn't satisfied. out of frustration, i tried 'kwong' . surely no one will have it. and it is amazing. it was already taken.

oh well, i really liked some old english word for 'diary' or 'journal'. so i took the word chronicles... as the title says 'chronicles of william'. and 'chroniken' means 'chronicles' in german. there it goes... the journey of finding the name. oh yeah... finding a username was also hard.

anyways, who would want a song? well, this song have always been playing in my head ( plus a few more favourites ). a christian song. ' Enter In' by Planet Shakers in their album Rain Down.

You lead me through each day
Your Love it covers me
And when I feel afraid
Your Love it covers me
Restorer of my soul
Your Love it covers me
Your presence makes me whole
Your Love it covers me

You are the King of Glory
You’re the Lord Strong and mighty
King of Glory enter in
I lift my hands to Heaven
Shout aloud sing Your praises
King of Glory enter in

To You I life my soul
My God I trust in You
Show me Your ways O Lord
My God I trust in You
Let me not be ashamed
My God I trust in You
I’ll serve You all my days
My God I trust in You

King of Glory
King of Glory
King of Glory enter in

Words and music by Mike Guglielmucci
© 2003 Planet Shakers Publishing
Administered by WORD Australia

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

what it takes to start a blog

well, this marks the birth of the blog. was pretty excited... wanted to read up html to do as much as i can for the site. but yeah, busy with uni. and the time could be used better. so i'll make do with the template and write... its the stuff that counts and the appearance is just to support.

so, i was wondering what's the purpose of writing or getting this so called 'blog'. ( to be honest, i don't like the word 'blog'. i think it's not such a nice sounding word.) anyways, i realise as the years go by, the circle of friends grow bigger and you meet more and more people. its hard to keep track of everyone, or to help everyone. and what more with life lessons, the better you could help the person. to be an elder brother to younger friends back home at church and at school before ( of course they would have left school by now) , and to grow up together with classmates who are everywhere now.

i was basically inspired by giok leigh, a dear elder brother of mine, from his website, i was thinking, i want to do the same as well. but as i have no expertise in html or comp stuff, i would have to start simpler. he has articles that he written, his daily 'entries', and songs, and articles from places. one may not be able to keep up with everyone, but one could still ensure that there is a place that someone could look for guidance or the ' life's lessons. '

there goes the opening speech... it's officially open....woo hoo!