ever since the exam dates came out, this matter has always been in my mind, always pulling at my heart. i didn't really know whether or not to type it out. the matter may seem small, but it really pulled at 2 things that was part of my heart. i guess you would see the softer and emotional side of me.
it is a choice, to go to convention, or to go home. initially, i chose to go for convention in brisbane. it was in the assumption that exams would end about the last week of Nov. and then convention would follow. so it won't make a difference in the amount of time that i have to spend back home. i will be returning for summer course making the dates, leaving adelaide on the 14th Dec and returning on 1st Jan for summer course. 2 weeks back home.
but when i found out my last paper was on the 15th Nov, there was the big difference of adding an extra month that i could spend back home if i flew back quickly. 1 and 1/2 months! but then i would have to forgo convention.
yes, i would have really thought so much about it, to weigh its pro's and con's, priority, but both equally pulled at the heart. my parents and sister back home, or convention. i do not want to take for granted 'family' back home, but yet, not wanting to miss an opportunity to learn and grow and have an amazing experience in convention. some may think, 'it's just a camp', but it is not just a camp. i want to make my parents happy, but also wanting to be able to talk to others and learn from others in convention. i really love my parents. and would want to make them happy.
my parents called on saturday night. i was so emotionally drained. my parents, of course, would really want me to spend more time back home ( being close to a year away), but they also said that the decision is mine, and they will respect the decision. really cried. i was so exhausted.
talked with a lot of people. seeked advice. their wisdom. many of the reasons that they mentioned, i have thought of and weighed. i have the tendency to think a lot, and Chok stopped me. so did Fannie. zip the brain, and be still. be still.....
it really is a hard decision for me to make. i do not dare to write out some lines cause i think i may exagerate and not use the words properly. did i spend time in prayer about it? i'm guilty for that. i don't think i did spend a lot of time in prayer for the matter, but only spent time thinking about it and worrying about it, thinking that if i put more thought into it, i will get the answer.
i guess i will follow Fannie's advice. everytime a worrying thought comes, put it into prayer.
'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.'
Phillipians 4:6
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