Wednesday, January 31, 2007
so now that i fell sick, hmmm... God asking for a pause in my life. thank goodness it is a holiday tomorrow (Federal Territory Day) but i got a youth committee meeting to go to at night.
the last time i wrote was january 19. waliau.. what happened then? hmmm... let me take out my schedule. yes, i have a schedule. i can't be messy anymore, though things do crop up in the last minute. have to effectively manage my time cause its limited and also keeping and checking myself up that i do not burn out.
LIFE's a MARATHON, NOT a SPRINT.
God has been gracious that my supervisors grant me leave on the 24th and 25th of January. thus, i could spend 2 full days with the OCFers. 3 came up from singapore and so we plan out their Malaysia Tour. we really covered so many places. i'm quite amazed and the times together, brings back a lot of memories. it was tiring but great. it was a priviledge to be at ian's house and play songs of worship on the grand piano there. i truly wanted to bless the house and family and the ocfers there too.
after work on friday (26th) was my departments dinner. celebrated the january babies birthdays. it was a buffet dinner + karaoke. they are good singers and never in my life have i heard so many chinese songs at one go. seriously.
saturday 27th, i had a Vision Mission Values launch by the bank. palace of the golden horses. was there and listened to where the bank is headed. first time so its always interesting. had to use our ears and minds to filter out what is said. later on, my colleague gave me a tour of UPM where he studied. only minutes away. it is a big big uni. very big. not possible to be walking around. the uni has 12 tennis courts, many fields, their own golf course, their own swimming pool, their own stadium, 14 residential colleges and lots of buildings. i think they lack trees and maintenance. plus there are lots of low bushes everywhere.
i would be tired out by such a week. that's a glimpse of a few days. more stuff follows after lunch time after the vision mission values thing. my youth group and church on sunday.
it's kind of weird that on tuesday evening, i asked my supervisor what happens if i fall sick. i wasn't predicting my holiday but i saw this coming.
thinking back and evaluating what went wrong.
life's a marathon. not a sprint.
Friday, January 19, 2007
this is really a wonderful psalm.the psalm 139.
truly truly it is, that nothing can seperate us from the love of God.
1 O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
5 You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
even typing this is a rush.
i don't have time to go online.
and that's also a bad thing --> seeing all the unread mails and documents.
basic discipline and keeping the eyes on God is most important.
i try to get it to number 1 each day, but its not easy.
and every bit that i get to do so, it refreshes.
work = high
frustration = high
sleep = low
rest = low
mind + focus = leaning on the stronger side (i'm quite amazed)
ministry = piling up.
i got to micro manage it on my schedule and mind.
i'm not superman or Jesus.
even Jesus rested.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
because of i'm suddenly super busy. i don't even have time to think properly. okay... i still think but its not as good a thinking as i want.
i am giving. but i realise its getting a bit too much. i'm building up a discipline. but i realise also that its not really going to do any good if i don't get enough rest. i know i haven't been putting full form into work. there is form but it is not full.
i don't have much time to read Christian books. and even if i have time, i realise that as i read one or two pages, my mind races to the many things i need to do, or thinking of the things in the future.
at times i grow melancholic and i feel depressed and like a hot iron pressing me down and burning me. i am afraid of burning out. i don't want a repeat.
and even in the midst of giving, (okay, i got to sit down and do this often) i got to make sure that i am giving for the right purpose. for God. have a cross check on myself all the time. and also checking that i am not over-giving or over-sacrificing till i'm harming myself.
i'm not saying that i'm trying to avoid hurt or avoid sacrificing for God. hmmm... okay... it is subjective, but between me and God? yeah... i am quite close to harming myself.
maybe i have been saying 'yes' all the time and not enough 'no's'.
it is a weakness and a tendency of my character.
i pray and ask God for energy. for His strength. i have to be really wise and monitor my energy level all the time. i know being in such a position is terrible. i'm trying to figure out what's happening, find the source, fix it.
i pray and ask God for wisdom. for guidance.
i still make sure i have quiet time. spend it in silence and be before God. it is keeping me up balancing on the tightrope.
on a brighter side, i am building a habit of memorizing a bible verse everyday. because i'm on the LRT and i can't do anything. so on the way to work and on the way home. its going great. and i recap the past verses that i did. i know i haven't been memorizing verses for a long time.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
i'd also tell you NOT to read this, to arouse your curiousity to read this and digest it.
from a 2nd century anonymous letter to Diognetus, early church father.
Christians are not differentiated from other people by country, language or customs; you see, they do not live in cities of their own, or speak some strange dialect or have some peculiar lifestyle.
this teaching of theirs has not been contrived by the invention and speculation of inquisitive men; nor are they propagating mere human teaching as some people do. they live in both greek and foreign cities, wherever chance has put them. they follow local customs in clothing, food and other aspects of life. but at the same time, they demonstrate to us the wonderful and certanly unusual form of their own citizenship.
they live in their own native lands, but as aliens; as citizens, they share all things with others; but like aliens, suffer all things. every foreign country is to them as their native country, and every native land as a foreign country.
they marry and have children just like every one else; but they do not kill unwanted babies. they offer a shared table, but not a shared bed. they are present "in the flesh" but they do not live "according to the flesh". they are passing their days on earth, but are citizens of heaven. they obey the appointed laws, and go beyond the laws in their own lives.
they love every one, but are persecuted by all. they are unknown and condemned; they are put to death and gain life. they are poor and yet make many rich. they are short of everything and yet have plenty of all things. they are dishonoured and yet gain glory through dishonor.
their names are blackened and yet they are cleared. they are mocked and bless in return. they are treated outrageously and behave respectfully to others. when they do good, they are punished as evildoers; when punished, they rejoice as if being given new life. they are attacked by Jews as aliens, and are persecuted by Greeks; yet those who hate them cannot give any reason for their hostility.
to put it simply - the soul is to the body as Christians are to the world. the soul is spread through all parts of the body and Christians through all the cities of the world. the soul is in the body but is not of the body; Christians are in the world but not of the world.