Wednesday, December 29, 2004


it is a short time back home. though it was short, but the time was meaningful. i did my best to use it well.

time just becomes very valuable when you are really lacking of it. i had to really plan my time well, that it does not clash with any other plans of spending time with my family. went to visit my relatives a lot.

i had to filter out the friends that i should meet in terms of importance and length of time i didn't see them. had to sacrifice some meeting, and really maximise the days.

time may have been short. am really sad to be going so fast. its like, not enough time. but if God meant it to be this way, then it would be enough time.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

what a few days....

been out from 10 am to 1 am on the 23rd and 24th of dec.
meet up with schoolmates on 23rd and on the 24th went out with another batch of schoolmates and then to the calvary church christmas musical at PGRM where joel was conducting.

well, they change in their looks, and they said i haven't change at all in my looks. still having that same 'goody boy' look. it was really nice getting to meet up with them again.

but they did say that i looked very drained out and dispirited and quieter. well, its kind of funny, how the friends you have helped before in school last time, are now helping me back. a full circle. it does rekindle the spirit. yes, they are shock, but they came to my aid. reminders of the times, and keeping the discipline and spirit and not having it shaken.

my friend and i decided to give joel a real surprise for his christmas present. putting the guitar pick and the card at the bottom of a brick in a shoe box. well, we pretended that it was super fragile. the brick weighed more than 3.5 kg.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004


so many things have changed. one does miss out on a lot of things when you are away for a year.

thankfully the roads did not change. but church has changed, the people, the pastoral staff, the insides of the sanctuary, sunday school, and the youth group has grown quite big. and also the many pairing up of people. i only had 2 sundays in malaysia, but well, will be able to attend the many services. candlelight service (dec 24), christmas services, sunday service (dec 26), and watchnight service (dec 31).

somehow, i can't recall many names, and my time in malaysia seem to have stopped when i was 19. and i still think that everyone is the same age. but it has already been 2 years. and the thirteens are all grown up and dressed up. the fifteens and sixteens are all youth leaders in church now.

i'm sure there would be change too with my other schoolmates. well, will be meeting them soon...

Sunday, December 19, 2004

raymond's wedding...

Those of whom God has joined together,
let no one put asunder.

i hereby, pronounce you, husband and wife.
Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Lim.

When love is found and hope comes home,
Sing and be glad that two are one.
When love explodes and fills the sky,
Praise God and share our Maker's joy.

When love has flowered in trust and care,
Build both each day, that love may dare
to reach beyond home's warmth and light,
to serve and strive for truth and right.
'When Love is Found' Brian Wren 1978

it was a long journey to Klang. and all worth it. the wedding was nice. the sermon was double the length (having a translator). we had some cool presentations.
later was lepaking( more of cooling down) at Jansen's home before the wedding dinner. saw his lifetime photos (including drag queen) and hearing his progress on easter camp (Encounter!).
Gillian, shi hui, shelley, lai kuan, ee ling, edward, delicia, jansen and i. it was wonderful to see each other again.
but praise got to go to raymond and ee laine, for still managing to smile after taking countless photos at the church, and even more later at the wedding dinner. we saw them exercising their faces.

the ocf table is still yet to solve the mystery of the person, whether the person is a guy or a girl.

Friday, December 17, 2004

God's Eye View

God's-eye View
by John Fischer

For now we see through a glass, darkly… (1 Corinthians 13:12 KJV)

I had a mentor once who loved to teach about faith from a 20-foot long timeline of Bible history that he used as a powerful visual effect. He would roll out this room-sized diagram with a long line from Adam and Eve to the present day. On it, at appropriate spots, he would place little figures representing some of the well-known characters of the Bible such as Abraham, Moses, David, Ezekiel, and Paul. Then he would walk over to where, say, Moses was, turn him toward the future, and place a dark pane of glass right in front of his nose.

“This is how much Moses could see when he looked this way,” he would say, and because we had the perspective of the rest of the timeline, we could understand Moses’ dilemma, but also gain strength from what we knew lay ahead of him that he couldn’t see. In other words, in relation to Moses, we had more of a God’s-eye view of things.

Though Moses could not see into the future, there were two directions he could look, both of which were useful to his faith and in turn are useful to ours. He could look back and see how God had been faithful in his own life up until then, and, most importantly, he could look up to God and put his trust in the one who sees all.

The obvious lesson here is that we are in a similar place. We can only look back to the past and up to God, and remember there is a God’s-eye view of this; we just can’t see it right now. He knows what He’s doing and how the events of our lives fit into His overall purposes for us, and those around us. He sees reasons we have no access to. He sees a plan that looks at best murky from our point of view. But the future, and God’s purposes for us, and the reliability of His promises are no less reliable than they were to Moses. In fact, we have the huge benefit of much more history than Moses ever had-the fulfillment of things he could only dream about.

So just remember, whatever you are going through today, or wondering about in relation to tomorrow, there is a God’s-eye view of this. Look up.

John Fischer is the Senior Writer for Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotionals. He resides in Southern California with his wife and son. John is also a published author and songwriter.


i'm starting to realise that some of my posts are not really good sounding. does not go together with the reason i wanted to have this blog.

but i guess, this is a part of me. a part of my life. how humans are. emotions. what goes on in the mind. the worries. the fears. the reactions.

to trust His heart... to be a man after God's heart...

Wednesday, December 15, 2004


yes, i am home...came back on the 12th.

it is a relief to be home. so so so very very very relieved. when i came back, i cried a little bit in the car (thank goodness it was dark), knowing that finally the year is over. it is finally over. tears of relief. joy? i dunno...

i'm still exhausted. still kind of disturbed. how long more, how far more, where, what have i done, what have i not done. i did not want any of this to happen and i put in the effort to make sure that it doesn't happen. i can only cry out in silence and in defense. but it is of no proof that i did work hard or did concentrate or put in effort.
who will believe me? don't think anyone will. in the typical asian culture, there is the loser who wasted his parents money. his other strengths don't count anymore if the main objectives can't be reached. no more serving.

been home and talking with my parents each day about future plans. evaluation. spending time. they have been understanding, but at the same time disappointed and concern over what has happened to me. never has a fall this big happened.

many would have heard the testimony that penny asked me to share at convention. how could i forget the period that i gone through. what is it for? a sign of comfort and revelation. that is all there is to hold on to. but where does it lead to? what's the purpose? talk about faith man... the questions still come...

i'm still lost and disappointed, in the face of uncertainty. i need healing.

Monday, December 13, 2004

why no post?

you may be wondering why i didn't post for so long. the previous post would have explained it.

if i were to have typed, the post would not have been good.

i struggle.
it is hard.
its been a long journey.
but i sat for the papers, hoping for the best.

one thing sure was that i was really drained. exhausted. it was not easy to fight through everything. i don't want to give up. i won't give up. things have been stupidly disappointing.

each night, it is mind games, keeping lies and bad thoughts away, trying to focus on God. and to follow Him.

in the midst of it all, God placed good people around me. having brothers and sisters who call me up when they are in convention and AGM. handy, yvonne, shelley, celine, elaine, edward, sarah, audrey, eileen, hmm... can't remember a few more... it is wonderful.

even after the whole ordeal, i still have no idea how or why or what. i may feel much better in some ways, but that does not take away what is really happening. trusting God, is tough. you need God's spirit. God's peace. God's strength. prayer. faith.