OCF....

friday.
tired.
library.
slept.
late for practise.
by 10 minutes.
practise went well.

was happy. talked and being with the people that i love.
prayed for worship. commit it into God's hands.

the worship went well. God's hands was really upon it. God's presence was really there. and working with the worship leader and the team of musicians... it gives meaning in my heart. (kind of hard to explain it)

and Pastor Tim preached a wonderful message. about confidence. differentiating confidence from opinions and personality.
confidence comes from the word 'confide'. (revelation) and who or what do we confide in? who are we suppose to confide in? who is the best to confide in, that will never fail you or disappoint you?
we should confide in God. it brings out the meaning of confidence even more.

we had a time of ministry. i prayed for God to guide my hands before playing 'You rescued me'. and Pastor Tim continued to minister after that.
and what i went through was... was... was something i'll never forget.
i was already having a bad headache due to tiredness during the speaker session. but i went up to play. and Pastor Tim ministered and prayed. and encouraged OCFers to pray for each other.

i played 'You rescued me', 'Jesus loves me this i know' and a few more. but the headache and tiredness came. i just prayed, 'God, all this playing is not mine. guide my hands and mind for You to speak to others through me.' and the songs that came out after that, were just songs that i had held close to my heart in comfort through the stretching week that i had.
Be still my soul, Take me deeper, There is no mountain too big, You Alone (You are the peace), Give thanks and more.
i played for 1 hour and 20 minutes non stop. NONE of it is mine. it was GOD. thank you Ben and Alan for sitting next to me, to accompany and spur me on to continue playing for the praying OCFers.

i went home. tired. brain flushed.
but amazed at God's hands. touched by God.

the turn of the tide...

huh?
sigh...
God, why?
what's happening?
oh well...

the turn of the tide.
changes because of circumstances.

faith.
and love.
care.
prayer.
God.
v.
you alright?

preparations have been continuing. had just came back from the napier with chok. and it is really cold. cycling makes it worse. just sitting down at the moment. defrosting.

the past 2 days. didn't feel so well. was totally out of form.
with concern and care.
strive. faith. love. heal.
humbly care. a brother. a friend.

'what does the Lord require of thee, but act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with thy God?'
Micah 6:8

'Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.'
Psalm 119:105

it was not the end...

alright, a little celebration in hungry jacks. no problem...
then saw 2 of them sitting at the economics building waiting, my eyes and brain were all ready to tease them.
was about to ask where chok was when... ouch!
aiyoh, chok. why you hit me on the head?
(eh? why is my head wet? richard? oh nooooooo!!!!! )

there goes me getting wet. avoided one or two water balloons but man.
argh!!!! caught at my own weakness. was all out to tease already.
very smart.
and one down my jacket and the back of my shirt. now that is cold.

went to CAT suite back again. to celebrate. sang happy birthday. and so did the surrounding people in the computer labs. hee hee.
thank you, thank you.

the cake was good and tasted good. :) and arthur poured more water on me while taking the candle out of the cake. and then the not-so-nice and shocking telephone calling starts. sigh... oh well... all my naughtiness repaid in one day. :)

thank you, danny, arthur, handy, shelley, richard, chok, alan, jia ching. and for they who were not there, (i'm sure you'd enjoy throwing water balloons at me), i remember you all too.

memorable?
oh yes, it is. many times surprised and shocked.

my wishes?
that God will bless your(to everyone) life.

my prayer?
for OCFers and students, for the preparation weeks are now.
let's be diligent and ever more walking with God and in prayer for each other.

the end........ i hope. haha...

21st episode...

had stats group meeting. seems alright. better than i expected.
have to do some stats research. oh well...

went to lincoln for a practise. wishes from sharon wong and jen.

more SMSes: sarah, daniel-pretty-boy, father, sister, ying mei, joanne tan,
and MSN messages and icq: yvonne, kitt yee,
and on the net: jessica, kimberly, kristin, !xobile, zhi yong, lai kuan
from calls: hsin tyng, ray, nikhil, yu ting, father, mother and sister.

am in CAT suite now. came down to uni cause i think chok and richard would want a small celebration. so... ok... would definitely love to celebrate with them.

prequel...

gifts on saturday from chok, shelley and handy. though i forgotten and left it at G's house. aiyah... sorry leh...

sunday.
lunch in the old food court.
OCFers: happy birthday to ... aida and me!
no, jannsen. thank you but i don't need your kiss. haha...

family friend's house.
happy birthday to me. delicious mudcake. wonderful being able to just talk with them again. seeing and searching for their advice and wisdom.
may God bless their family and their hearts.

arthur came back home and rushed in to my room to scare me. he went on his knees with his arms open wide. in shock, i was like, 'huh? were you trying to scare me, but you fell instead?' he really did trip and fell. hahahahahaha... we just broke up laughing and laughing and laughing. how embarressing... good effort...hahahaha...

birthday was in the countdown.

art: c, why you not wearing pants?
wk: what the?
(they switched of my room light)
(i holding my pants)
cart came in with the cake.
wk: *very funny*
art, cart, dan: happy birthday to you....

cool housemates. and the cake, was an apricot pie and it looked really really delicious. and it was the waliauleh... most sour pie i have ever eaten. the top looks so nice with the criss-crosses of the dough with sugar on top. but after the first bite, wooooo, see our faces change man. we were all laughing. what in the world? so so so sour. seriously, bashing didn't seem so bad after the first bite. but we just fight on and finish the slice that we had. hahaha. giving me some stomach discomforts at the moment.

past 12, the MSN messages came in. from kenneth, violet, deb(hob), sing yew, wai kong, aaron. missed chok's call earlier.

then from lincoln, elaine called and together with celine and john, a happy birthday over the phone. :) talked with audrey later on icq. yu ting was at her placement.

and it has only just begun.

thank you God for the friends that You have put in my life. BLESS them in their lives, in all that they do.

baptism...

attended a friend's baptism today.

it was wonderful. since i met him, he has grown so much walking with God and is a buddy by my side. he got baptised today and it is his 21st birthday as well.

and attending the brethren church, they are quite cool. different from what i have experienced back home. very 'family' and bonded. the songs they sang, i have never heard half of it before. hearing the melody, they are definitely older songs but the words are so meaningful.

the sermon was about Walking on Water. about Jesus and Peter. and what it means to have faith. walking on water in faith, with the 'winds' blowing, Jesus is not away from the 'wind'. He is standing there IN the 'wind' with you.
an encouragement indeed for us students in preparation of our 4 weeks before final exams.

may God continue to grow you, !xobile, to be a man of faith and guide you wherever you go in the future.

a blogger's prayer....

check out something out that i found. its funny but also serious.

The Blogger's Prayer

The Blogger's Prayer 1.1 by Andrew Jones (June, 2002)

Our Father
who lives above and beyond the dimension of the internet

Give us this day a life worth blogging,
The access to words and images that express our journey with passion and integrity,
And a secure connection to publish your daily mercies.
Your Kingdom come into new spaces today,
As we make known your mysteries,
Posting by posting,
Blog by blog.

Give this day,
The same ability to those less privileged,
Whose lives speak louder than ours,
Whose sacrifice is greater,
Whose stories will last longer.

Forgive us our sins,
For blog-rolling strangers and pretending they are friends,
For counting unique visitors but not noticing unique people,
For delighting in the thousands of hits but ignoring the ONE who returns,
For luring viewers but sending them away empty handed,
For updating daily but repenting weekly.

As we forgive those who trespass on our sites to appropriate our thoughts without reference,
Our images without approval,
Our ideas without linking back to us.

Lead us not into the temptation to sell out our congregation,
To see people as links and not as lives,
To make our blogs look better than our actual story.

But deliver us from the evil of pimping ourselves instead of pointing to you,
From turning our guests into consumers of someone else's products,
From infatuation over the toys of technology,
From idolatry over techology
From fame before our time has come.

For Yours is the power to guide the destinies behind the web logs,
To bring hurting people into the sanctuaries of our sites,
To give us the stickiness to follow you, no matter who is watching or reading.
Yours is the glory that makes people second look our sites and our lives,
Yours is the heavy ambience,

For ever and ever,
Amen

God is still good....

God is still good
by Edmund Wong (AACC)

What do you say?
What can you do?
When only hopelessness surrounds you
When all your dreams are crushed inside you
Keep holding on
You can be strong
For you know your faith in Him is not in vain

Chorus:
God is still good
God is still kind
Though with our eyes we fail to see it
Though in our hearts we cannot feel it
God is still good
God is still wise
Though with our minds we fail to grasp it
Though in our pain we can’t accept it
For in weakness do we find His strength
And our lives are made complete
Then we understand He’s all we’ll ever need

Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
From the grief that rains upon you
When a life just fades before you
Let go of hurt
Look up to Him
Then you’ll know His ways are higher than our own

Bridge:
God is not a man that He should lie or change His mind
What He’s promised yet He will fulfill
Trial and sorrow, suffering are only for a time
Then we’ll share His joy for all eternity

found it...

i finally found the lyrics to the song 'With All My Heart'. its highly probable that i wasn't a good internet user in the first place. i should have gone to advance search to 'find the exact phrase' in the first place. hahaha.....

i remember singing this song when i was very much younger. just a little kid in sunday school when i was taught this song.

With all my heart
I will follow after You
With all my soul
I will praise You, O Lord
With all the strength
that You have given me
I won't be led astray
With all my heart
I will walk in Your ways.

and another song that i sang solo during the 40th anniversary celebration and concert of the 1st KL BB. that was like 10 years old. haha... i don't remember the title at all. probably, 'little lamb'?

I want to be Your little lamb
Follow wherever You go
If I would ever go astray
Your loving hands will lead me back home
Your hands will lead me back home

Little lamb, little lamb
I'll be Your little lamb
Little lamb, little lamb
I'll be Your little lamb.

i was portraying a naughty boy who caused trouble while playing hide and seek. i was rejected and cast away by my friends and then i sang that song.

yes, Lord. Your loving hands will lead me back home.
I want walk in Your ways.

c meet...

saturday morning was a great morning.

it was held in a nice house and with breakfast!
amidst the importance of the meeting, it went well. kickstarting with devotion and going through stuff. i am seeing lots of changes and like a whole new era coming. i am seeing God's hands coming upon OCF. wondrous things will happen, and with wondrous things happening, so will more of the other side of it happen as well.

we had a time of fellowship later except for those who went for church camp. it was wonderful and great. looking through wedding photos and just hearing of the inside stories first hand and learning a lot. but that will be somewhere far in the future. may God continue to bless them both.

i don't know how to explain it but its times like these that are just wonderful where we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. just sitting down and laughing and disturbing each other. imagine us in the future looking at pictures of us now in black and white. those type of feelings.

thank you Lord...

been up till 6 a.m. last night... or it would be this morning.
i know, some people think i'm crazy. maybe nearly. had been pretty shaken and disturbed. sigh... and to just really pray. and i poured out my heart to God.

and yes... i feel the strain... but i just want to praise God, for His love, for His grace, for His acceptance, for His wonders. He knows and sees what's in my heart, what's bothering my mind, the worries, the sadness, my dreams, my passion, my heart.
i can slowly start to smile again. just sit at the window sill (not that i have one), look out the window, see the wind blow into the trees and birds fly in the vast sky, sing a song of praise and thank Him.

continuing into the night, i have a brother that i can share and talk with and also minister to each other. my compatriote. go brother! and with loving godly people around, what more can you ask. indeed, i pray very much that God would bless them in their lives.

just before bathing, i was just reading about the heart in Max Lucado's 'A Love Worth Giving' lent to me by Melanie. about how we really have to guard the heart. and a really good illustration too. when you see a small fire in your house, you quickly douse it and put it out - anything but allow it. why? because you know the growth pattern of fire. and just like the fire in the heart, if left unchecked, can burst into a hungry flame and consume all that is consumable. for what is a flicker today, can turn into a blazing fire tomorrow.

and there is a solution.

trust.

'Trust the Lord and do good'(Psalm 37:1,3).
'Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.' (Proverbs 3:5-6)

read it slowly, word by word. and see the Lord.

David...

i had always wanted to share some thoughts about David, son of Jesse, one of the greatest kings of Israel.
its not about his greatness but more of him being a man after God's heart. david was remembered as that in Acts 13:22.

david had an unchangeable belief in the faithful and forgiving nature of God. He sinned, but was quick to genuinely confess with his heart. david experienced the joy of forgiveness even though he had to suffer the consequences of his sins. amidst the greatness, of being a shepherd, poet, musician, giant-killer, king, ancestor of Jesus, he is also a betrayer, liar, adulterer and murderer.

i see the journey of his life very similar to many of our own.
i see how God grew a youth into one of the greatest men in the Bible. from a shepherd in the fields to a king of God's people.
a man after God's heart.

stand firm in God's ways with faith.
' ...but what does the Lord require of thee, but to act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? '. Micah 6:8

sleep...

had pretty funny nights lately.

i could sleep, but then the dreams are like follow-up'ping from the thoughts and thinking that i had before my sleep. and what more it was about people in real life. quite disturbing, as in stressful and dramatic. and when i woke up, did i actually did that or said that? uh oh... i'm not sure. after a few minutes of recollection, ok.... i was really dreaming.

but having heard of problems, from one of my classmates back home, it does make me sad having seen wounds that aren't healed or the scars that are left behind. cause i know how it feels as well.
i had had nights, that i kept awake because of the past. Lord, forgive me. and heal me. the dirtiness and guilt remains. oh, how much we need God's forgiveness. as much as i have said 'sorry', nothing changes the fact that it had happened. but that is our youth. we are to learn from it. move forward cause God has forgiven us and still loves us. that's God's grace.

with a brighter smile, i got to continue my work. need a nap and work.

growth...

having had that week, i had my own confusions as well.
had talked with many people. had the jokes, and the serious stuff as well.

talking with eng poh and addielle, learnt and also had confusion. much prayer is needed for guidance, wisdom, time and signs. sigh, Lord...

talking with john, seeing a younger person, and with very much similar characteristics and personality to me, i see the things he face, just reminds me of when i first came. not saying that i'm super good and grown up now, but through time, God showed me more and more. to see how the things of the past 2 years had been important in many ways. painful as it is, it serves its purpose. i don't know all, but through time, it will be shown.

talking with friends online. the sharing and teasing, happiness and sadness. a senior from school. an ex-classmate. OCFers.

a week and BS...

it's been a wonderful week.

i got to enjoy the simplicities of life and really feel God's presence in my life. been at the CAT suite till late with chok, doing work and all. and after returning home, having to get back at my housemates for some stuff and teasing. oh well...

i led bible study yesterday in my group for OCF. and i totally didn't expect anything. usually its silence and lots of awkwardness and yeah.... the controversy. but i just prayed to God. i have only myself to offer and i'll just do my best to lead by the Spirit. and it was really marvellous and wonderful. and it is all God. i spoke and led, and there was discussion, it was lively, everyone was supporting each other, helping each other. i'm sure everyone had learnt that day. i felt God through me. God using me. i just smile.

this morning, we had the auditions for the e-nite musical. check out the enthusiasm and commitment. it was fun. people were supportive and encouraging each other. i was at the music side, given the task to evaluate. we have many wonderful singers and styles. argh... i wanted to see the acting side. but its ok. hopefully everyone had enjoyed themselves.

why you have a blog?

i remember looking at blogs as a waste of time and also that i'm not much of a writer. little did i know that i would be one who uses this in later years.

lately i saw some blogs and um... yeah, it is quite badly used. the things that are typed are not really (in nice words) recommended for reading. i just wonder, why...

how and what we type reflects a lot on who we are. just like the style of an author's writing in his books reflects on the character of the author. or the composition of a composer or the painting of an artist.
what's the purpose of having this... this... this blog?

is it because it was a craze that we are sucked into? a place to vent and our freedom of speech? or to impress others with our writing skill? a place to get attention for people to notice us? to collect fans and avid readers of our site?

excuse me, if it seems as if i'm judging (i'm not). i'm just putting a question forward. cause honestly, i did had tendencies towards many of the above mentioned.
but i had a purpose of this blog (i don't like the word blog). i see this as an avenue to share to others, known and unknown. a time to stop and reflect. its easier on the catch up as well for friends everywhere.
take note again : i'm not condemning people that do not have a serious thought on their reason for having a blog.

just a thought and question to put through...

He is here...

felt tired and the drag of my body. most probably because of exhaustion from saturday and the night's farewell dinner. stayed on later for coffee. which is expensive. so waking up this morning, had a little bit of problem.

but right after church was sleep. and a long sleep it was. 3 hours. at least i was rested. cooked dinner with my housemates. it was good. and later i had an urge to just go to daniel's house and just spend time with him. listened to a rough draft of the song he wrote.

spent the night teaching him how to write while writing more of the song with him and developing it's character and flow. it was fruitful. but we need some other listeners. we tried recording it on a recorder. it wasn't that good. much to our amusement, we need better singers though. hahaha... we at least have a rough copy of it. it was fun and hopefully an experience for daniel. 'He is here.'

brought my external hard disk over to share some songs with him. and also showed him lots of pictures of the times that i had of OCFers, lincoln college and many other events. also showed him the elder brothers and sisters that had guided me since i came. i hope i could do the same for others and him too.