airport and sliced hand...

helped my sister pack her bag till 2.30 a.m. on friday night (sat morn). haiyah... why lah never finish packing earlier.. or at least have a trial packing. anyways, its ok. first time packing to go overseas. realised the packing skills are still with me.

her flight is on saturday 24th january. and its at 1040 in the morning. so had to leave at 7 a.m. (so the even more lack of sleep). i gave her my camera to use at nottingham for her 6 months exchange program. she'll be hitting winter straight away. still haven't heard from her yet and yeah... CNY is just me and my maid and my dog. spent time at relatives and friends home.
did i cry? yeah... i won't see my camera for 6 months... haha...

yups, my left palm is sliced... at church. a stone was sticking out at the rock garden. i tripped and fell 3 steps down onto the tarmac. i managed to actually bring out my left foot but the force of falling forward plus downwards 3 steps still brought me on the tarmac. i managed to still turn on my back a bit to break my fall.

but still have casualties. my left palm sliced and my elbow a small puncture and my left knee has the effects of pounded meat. though my pants didn't tear, but it was possibly 75 kg on one knee. i thought it was just a graze (with pants not torn?) but it was quite bad. its like pounded, flattened, soft, flesh.
that's in one fall. falling on grass is way way nicer. i don't even get that badly injured playing football.

the first thing i checked was my fingers cause i was playing piano for church in about half hours time. phew.. no fingers bleeding or sprained or injured. the caretaker brought some iodine for me to put on. and later ronald pointed out that i had the same injury at the same spot as Shearn. aww... come on... even by injury we can't be seperated... Shearn, please don't get injured.

the bleeding was quite substantial. had to bring tissue in to the sanctuary and place it by the keyboards. checking my hand once in a while to wipe away blood so that it doesn't drip on the keys.

the state i'm in?
- realising how important our palms are
- realising how much contact our palms have in our daily lives
- waking up easier the moment i come in contact with water
- left hand swollen a bit due to lack of movement to avoid pain

slightly stretching week...

i welcome the 2 days break of chinese new year very much. last week was quite a stretching week due to work and also having something every night. this time round was really a lack of sleep.

fortunately, i didn't fall sick. yoghurt everyday and focus. i kind of challenged and pushed myself to see how far i could go.

on the long drive back from the lumut treasure hunt, i could do lots of thinking. in such tiredness of the mind and after weeks of earnest prayer, some sort of answers came. hmmm.. not really... wisdom... guidance, more like it. and my mind could settle. some peace. its hard to describe but its like some comfort and knowing the comfort. its not over, but at least i know there's some hope. i could really see the difference in terms of how things are viewed and handled.

yes, the demons of the mind still come knocking and waves of emotions and 'Peters-stern-look'(heroes) are still coming... but they're caught and recognised. and peace and hope overcomes it.

and this gives me hope to keep on praying ever more earnestly for 'matters of the heart.'

Treasure Hunt 2009...

Destination: Lumut
Distance: 290 km
Time: 9 hours
Stress: Limitless
Fun: Limitless

backed by our past success (8,9,10,12th place) in the previous bank treasure hunt, we were aiming to get higher or at least acheive the same goal.

this time round, it was tougher. firstly was the distance, and mainly the questions. we couldn't even answer the first 2 q's. but we really pushed hard. we have 2 cars this time round compared to last round's 4 cars.

it was quite a stretching 290km on the drivers but this time was better prepared with rehydration salts and 100 plus. nearing our goal, anxiety was building and i was driving faster cause i just want to get out of the car and don't want to drive anymore. haha... my eyebrows were aching cause i was frowning in concentration and thinking nearly all the time.

during the Answer Presentation, i was counting and we only had 50% correct... alright... goodbye top 15 or top 10. and we were so hoping that our team will be called out as soon as possible starting from 25 placing and upwards cause we don't think we could have got higher. but none. my colleagues still hoping, while i already accepted the loss, BUT we got 9th and 12th place! alright!!!

i guess that's how much tougher it was this time round. the points were read out as well. by the 12th position, the difference was just a +1 point from each position upwards. arghhh... costly mistakes cost us about 5 places... yikes! well, now we have more experience.

anyways, swiss garden damai laut was our pitstop. beautiful place. i couldn't make it for last years church camp which was here. but i came here anyway in the end. i had so much fun taking silouette photos with the setting sun; my colleagues being models. i haven't been successful but with lots of trials and errors, this time round was pretty good.

all in all, spending time with colleagues in a 5 star hotel is time well spent. and Manchester United 1 - Bolton 0. hahaha....

Lumut...

i'll be in Lumut for a treasure hunt for this weekend. got to start twisting the mind and all that again.

last year was in melaka and out of 100+ cars, we 4 cars manage to be in the top 10, which was our goal.

seeing the preparations done by my colleagues, haha... it has gone beyond kiasu-ism. its as serious as a preparation for war.

we'll see what happens...

a little glitch in schedule though... i'll be back sunday evening, and it has to be before 5.30 cause i'm organist for evening service... should have checked earlier. i'm always assigned for 4th sunday. dunno why this time 3rd sunday.

reminder...

Men will fail and disappoint.
God will not.

a reminder so that your faith or loyalty will not be misplaced.

standing in the rain...

besides the many good examples that i had from people around, one of it stands out often. a simple but definite example of a leader.

10 years ago in 1st KL BB, we, the Boys were doing drill on a cloudy day. and it started to rain. of course we had to stand still and keep doing drill in the rain which got heavier and heavier. we were cold and soaking wet including the inside of our boots. the drill commander also giving commands in the rain.

an officer came by walking in the shaded pathway. after watching us for a while, he took a few steps out and stood by the drill commander. in the heavy rain. till we finished. he obviously was soaked too.

it reminds me of the significance of the things you do, intentional or unintentional. it'll affect those learning. just as i was impacted 10 years ago and i still remember.

yup... keep carrying the pews... if the leader has carried 15 pews, the leader doesn't need to beg the team to carry 5. the team will carry 10 by their own choice.

unfortunately, many times nowadays, such acts or example happens only when there's publicity or people watching.

of pews, concert and pews again...

the BersatuNite concert was held on saturday, hosted by KL Wesley. about 400-500 came. youths from the methodist church, presbytarian and baptist came. it was a time of worship and prayer for the country.

besides the preparation meetings held earlier, the whole of saturday was devoted to the physical preparation of the concert. we had to move a lot of pews to make enough open space. we started moving the pews around 9am. these are the old church pews and the whole things is solid wood. and sadly, the people that were suppose to turn up, didn't turn up or by the time they came, the few of us were finished already. about 8 people moved 40 pews. we laboured about 2 hours plus. thankfully, no hot sun. we needed to cover the pews with cling wrap just in case it rained (it did later). i guess i understand the characteristics of the cling wrap better now. the sun came out then.

the marble floor of the church sanctuary really stood out. a wide white marble space. i just lie down in the middle. juwita suwito and her team were doing sound check in the sanctuary. and it was pretty nice having music and just relaxing on the cool floor.

but i was really blasted away. after lunch and a shower, i slept straight from 2.30 till 5.30pm. already lacking in sleep in the weekdays, pushing the body has its consequences. woke up later and went for prayer and counsellors briefing.

the concert is a worship concert and it was lead by the TRAC youth team and later by Juwita. things started out a bit messy because no one knew what was happening. but as the programme rolled, the atmosphere calmed down as worship started. we prayed for the country and for the youths in the country. the worship was powerful and could really feel, see, hear the earnestness in their hearts.

the not-so-fun part started after the concert. putting the pews back because of the church service on sunday. people were still mingling around and we had no choice but to start. so i lead a few guys to start carrying the pews. well, they were in a slight shock after the first pew (uphill) cause of the weight. and as we carry, more people came to help and i bet they got a shock too. and the amount of people that helped? i dunno... but we finished the whole thing in 45 minutes; including putting back the hymnals and bibles.

well i was tired already and i thought this time i could lay off a bit because i carried in the morning. but after they carried their 4th (or first) pew, their spirits were a bit down. and since i was doing the 'organizing', got to set the example. so i had to keep carrying the pews as much as i could and when they see the 'head' carrying pews at such speed, they followed suit.

yeah.. pews took much of the post instead of the concert. my hands are still sore today because of the constant solid edges of wood on my hands.

bitterness kept...

while growing up, you would have experienced hurt or disappointment, directly or indirectly, by others around you.

in all anger and hurt within you, you would just say it bluntly, these people are idiots.

you, the smarter and more honourable ones, get hurt, frustrated and bitter about it. and it hurts even more especially if its someone close. how could they have been idiots?
some keep it in their hearts all the time through the years and blame their reactions towards certain things on them.

my question is, why do you, the smarter ones, let idiots remain in your heart, or even bothered by them?

you may have read before the story about the egg, carrot and coffee and the process when all 3 goes through the simmering of hot water in the pot, some people's heart, is like the egg: turned from soft to hard inside, or the carrot: grew from firm body of truths to soft malleable follow-the-herd values, or the coffee: releasing all the wonderful flavours.

i can't remember where i read this but it was a good reminder.
the difference between bitter and better is just one letter. the letter 'i'. if we just stop thinking about 'i', it'll be better.

something to think about...

little lines...

you remember getting those email chains with lots of lovely words and advice about friends?

i use to adore them a lot, till i realise that its not all there is. i put them away after that and dismiss them the moment i see them. some just skim the surface of relationships and some, the meaning is kind of superficial.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by every moment that takes your breath away." has been circulating in emails for a long time and also made popular by the movie 'Hitch'.

at one look, the line is emphasizing on not wasting your life away. life is more than just breathing. take as much time as you can to enjoy your life and have it to the fullest. have a good time. spend time with your family and friends. do good to others. be filled with activities. etc...

so, sadness is bad? i'm not saying that we should be sad all our life, but more of saying that its an imbalanced view to only accept happiness as life worth recording. sadness is part of life as well, but is seen as something insignificant. a negative point of view of sadness and hurt brings about negative reactions when the time gets tough or down. it can be said that without the tough times, we wouldn't be where we are today. stronger and a firmer foundation. it tests our character.

seeing that shock and sadness also takes your breath away, it should be counted in as one of those 'moments' as well.

mini things in mind...

for the first time i look at my calendar, there's time for rest. nothing beats the packed december '08 month. if my parents were back they would think i'm crazy. after more than a month of being home just to sleep, i finally can have dinner at home. on the 31st, i had half day leave and spent 1-2 hours just opening and sorting mail. it is a large stack that accumulated for about 1 month.

many church friends are back from abroad. and definitely lots of catching up. in some ways, busy a bit. updating them with the changes in the church and keeping their heart close to the people in church.

i have to get my laptop fixed and try to open a bank account somewhere. i have time to start work on a mini project. fingers are quite sore at the moment. at least i'm just typing and not writing in office.

things are in some ways cooling down. but now, the other things start to rise up, namely Senior Sunday School and MYF. the sudden surge of admin stuff to be done is quite mountainous.

there will be travelling and weddings. a trip to Lumut for the bank's treasure hunt and another wedding in singapore. and about 2-3 weddings to attend. i heard a friend who attended 17 weddings last year.

jam....

on monday, the roads were still empty. amazing...
could be because its first day of school. most parents are sending their 7 yr olds or 13 yr olds to school and wanting to be with them for their first day. still a bit weird though; unless there's lots of 7 and 13 yr olds this year. possible that people just took 'emergency leave' cause they're not use to getting back to work after a long holiday. the roads should be jammed up again on tuesday.

as much as i had theorized it, i took it for granted. and just left house at 7.45 a.m. and there it is. everybody's back. for that short stretch on MRR2, it took me 45 minutes. i barely made it to work on time, a few minutes late. that's bad. traffic updates on the radio were highlighting jam everywhere... no smooth buttery roads at all.

goodbye to the days where i can wake up at 8 and leave the house at 8.15 and still be at work on time. i'll miss you.

oh well, welcome back everybody!!!

surprise visit...

my good friend shearn is going to Seminari Theologi Malaysia (STM) to study masters in Divinity, which would lead to the pastoral ministry.

he left for seremban today(sun) and orientation starts tomorrow. it has been a long journey to reach to this point. really lots of prayer, support, discussions and searching. even to this point, he felt so much uncertainty. it really is a whole new world. nearly everything around him changes; even the daily routines.

2 nights before at small group, i shared with him what danny shared to me before i left adelaide and returned to KL. in Hebrews 11:8, it mentions about Abraham's faith. by faith, not knowing anything at all, he went to this new land that is promised by God. in Genesis we know that his grandfather Terah passed away during the journey and a long journey it was because his family and herd have to follow the water sources to survive in the desert. i would imagine that a lot of 'what's going on?' arising in his head. but Abraham kept going; by faith.

seeing my dear friend feeling quite sad in some ways, i just thought of why not drive to seremban and surprise him there. and probably freak him out as well. its 51km to seremban. well, it is 40km for me to get to taylor's subang. so, no big deal. it was a short journey. 45 minutes reach already. we reached earlier and tried to hide our car by parking at the back. unfortunately, we parked under his room window. oh well...

spent some time just walking about, talking, being monkeys.
its not the end, of course. we'll still see him. but its just my little attempts of giving a proper farewell and support as he proceeds on to this part of his life journey.
hope he enjoyed the little 'failed' surprise.

matters of the heart...

i remember how it was breaking up when i just went overseas. was single throughout uni then. there were the 'likes' here and there but God said 'no' and 'wait'. and it was a growing process where i was chiselled into shape. i don't really know how to say this, but bluntly, there was no longing or space for that 'someone' during my journey. i don't think i would have grown or learnt much if i was attached.

though at the end of it all, i did long and hope for someone that was from OCF because OCF has been a significant and defining part of my life and i would love to share the passion and joy with her for the rest of the years. well, it was not to be. only handy knew how much it meant to me and it need not be mentioned then. just a silent acknowledgement between 2 brothers as i silently went 'home'.

as i returned, leaning on God's wisdom and trust was all i could do. things such as jobs, ministries and adapting were more pressing things to address. and God held me with His hands.

however, lately, i have to admit, there is a longing for someone starting to rise again. why? i have no idea. perhaps years of why's and helping others and seeing their problems lead to denial, suppression and skeptism. and now that it rise again, its opening something (or things) painful. what is God trying to tell me or asking me to do?
i am facing it. i'm looking at it in the face. there are areas that are not properly dealt with. i know what it is. but there may be things i don't know as well.

there is a term used: emotional echoes. can't remember the author. it talks about how events or situations(sights, smell, etc...) that happened in the past are triggered into memory because you encountered the same events(sights, smell...) again. the senses most commonly triggered is smell. besides the senses, it also applies to events. and how it affects us vary from nothing to not wanting to be at a wedding ever again. these 'echoes', though small, apparently plays a big part in our lives.

there is someone that appeared. and perhaps a trigger of fear of rejection, hurt and other things. there are grey areas and i'm having to deal with it. got to be careful too, cause a guys mind will always speed things up; over-optimism, yet careful also not to lean to the other side of pessimism. but, not yet. i don't think so. i don't know her well enough.

so, currently, a work in progress. i was praying, let it work out in God's time.

resolutions...

mention the word resolutions and straight away you'd think of New Years Day because that's when you make resolutions(though one of my colleagues did mention Image resolution). anyway, that's when we reflect on the year to assess how its been, the decisions we've made, listing down better habits to improve on and bad habits to throw away.

i just wonder why is it only done or mentioned once a year. (are you wondering about that now as well?)

statistically, it is pitiful. in 365 days, if we were to follow the festivities, we only allocate one day to reflect?
why not once a week, or even more, everyday?
or is that called crazy and ecentric?

my father told me of a colleague who writes down what he has learned for the day, everyday. disciplinedly. the mistakes and lessons to learn. Christians go to church every week to learn of God, reflect and be refreshed. i feel that resolutions or the act of it got to be done everyday. if not, you'll be doing the same mistake or bad habit for 6 days in a row before reflecting or acting upon it at the end of the week.

in the rat race, i wouldn't be surprise if anyone said there's no time. the days just zooms pass. breaks happens just once in a while. by the end of the day, mentally, we're too tired to be reflecting and reflecting would probably make us more depressed and we'd want to end the day happier.

well, at least its commercially publisized or a tradition to do resolutions yearly. better than none.

'a mistake is only a mistake if you didn't learn from it'.

suresh...

one of the few seniors in school that i have who is in the same church as me. he left for Miri before i came back. and it was only mini updates that i had. a catchup during the watchnight(new years eve) service was a valuable one. amazing.

he was in Miri for 3 years as an IT lecturer. he was starting to find it pointless and as he was going to make the decision to return to west malaysia. however it all changed just 4 months ago.

and a very weird series of events it was. he said he started attending the CF and soon became a facilitator/resource person. some time later, a student came into his office to ask to use the internet. while using, she broke down in tears cause she just broke up. and he was going, 'what the? ... okayyy...'

as he sends the CF students home, he was 'caught' many times in positions that he needed to minister to them. there were many new christians and a real need to nurture and teach. many had already accepted Christ for about 4 months plus (or more) but had no chance or opportunity to learn God's Word. and who else better? the position that he's in now reminded him of what he did before and he admitted he got to brush up on God's Word.

he's teaching a girl bible study during his lunch breaks because she has an 8pm curfew and can't attend BS or cell groups at night. he's using the SPM Bible Knowledge book on Luke. he said while he was learning Bible Knowledge for SPM last time, the teacher, Miss Moey said that one day, he'll be teaching BS as well and he laughed. oh well...

all in 4 months.

you should see the life in his eyes. as he was speaking, i couldn't help but smile as he's starting to get involved in the uni ministry and see the vast amount of areas that's needed. well, he's in my prayers.

a quote from him, 'i'm not going back to a job. i'm going back to a ministry. my classes are not just mere IT lessons but also an avenue to teach about life.'