got to sort out my life...

a little delay...

besides being busy, it gets hard a bit to type things down and post because it would be related to people who are in church or related to church. so posting something would be difficult because even if i speak generally, it may be able to be related back to something that currently happened.

technically, nothing is wrong and speaking in general should be safe. but then again, have to avoid and prevent any possibility of trouble. by the time it is 'safe', i kind of forgotten or lost the mood to type...

And I Thank You, Lord...

One of the rare songs that is about trials (what more thanking God for it...) and a confession of our human nature where we depend on ourselves and make decisions and choices to serve ourselves than to serve God or be obedient to God. 

a song of perseverance, trials and test of faith, learning and growing instead of harbouring bitterness and hurt, humble confession of our human nature.

God is at the very end of our journey.

take time to ponder on the lyrics...

And I Thank You Lord

Copyright 1972 by Lexicon Music, Inc

And I thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,
And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.And I thank you, Lord,
with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

And I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front I can see your face,
and it's there you belong.

how did october fly by?

how did it fly by?
i have no idea.
like a whirlwind.

i have to open up google calendar. looking at it, i can see how it flew by. a non-stop action month plus a 'bonus' of assignments to hand up. it really pushes things. but praise God for helping to go through.

preparation work increases because it is not just about the structures but it is also about the people. structures are of no use if there is no purpose or if the people do not understand and know the purpose. we are very familiar with the term 'seek and ask God for guidance and direction'. and its no easy task to be doing so or remembering so with so many deadlines...

a dream with full senses... weird...

had a dream that i got a car accident..
i was driving on a familiar highway. i had the viewpoint from the driver, saw the car going up the flyover, then hit a rough patch of road, lost control, the car went high up. had the slow-mo feeling of dying as the car was in the air, with panic and horror shock at the same time.

my whole body felt it. the heart and mind felt it, knowing that the point of death is coming, and i woke up. but it was more like body woke up because of a sudden jolt. my body was in shock and in a state of heightened senses.

i wonder whether that's the feeling... what does that dream mean?

a tanner...

was watching Discovery channel and there was a documentary of the tanning of leather in Morocco where they have been making leather the same way they have been doing for thousands of years.

 in the Bible, the disciple Peter stayed with Simon the Tanner.
Acts 10:5-6
 "Now send men to Joppa to bring back a man named Simon who is called Peter. 6 He is staying with Simon the tanner, whose house is by the sea".

below is a video showing how the skin is soaked in guano (bird poo) and cow urine to preserve the skin. 
Tanning in Morroco

Sherlock Holmes and Watson were camping in the forest. they had gone to bed and were lying beneath the night sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?" Holmes asked.

"I suppose it means that of all the planets in the universe, we are truly fortunate to be here on Earth. We are small in God's eyes, but should struggle every day to be worthy of our blesings. In a meteorological sense, it means we'll have a sunny day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes? "

"To me, it means that someone has stolen our tent."

GB drill competition...

a state drill competition where 1st KL won first place and also best commander.
there was a new drill syallabus comprising the standard formation drill (in a box) and also fancy drill (with whatever patterns, cheer, etc.. ). that also caused 2 (out of 5 registered) to pull out because it was tough to accomplish the new syllabus. 

some asked how did the squad do so well?
saturday - 3 - 5.30pm
sunday - 2 - 4.30pm
rain or shine, do that for 3 months with a few breaks... hard work. congratulations!

nervousness, anxiety and stress starts to come as the competition nears. we ask ourselves why do we stand under the hot sun, do drill sequences to commands over and over again and have so much commitment to something that won't help us in the future?

well, that's the perspective. if the question is only referring to the physical aspect and action-for-action comparison, obviously we're wasting our time (and quite stupid). if drill is taught emphasizing on teamwork, leadership, commitment, focus, discipline, perseverance, finding meaning and purpose in the journey and not results, learning as a team, success as a team, failure as a team, then it is worth it. when one makes a mistake, it is not that only that persons fault but it is the whole team. the others are also responsible (or at fault) because it is their part to help each other improve and encourage each other, not play the blame game. even though i listed a lot, there are many more.

the drill commander of another company cried the moment after the squad fall out. and her officers were there already. a cry of disappointment and knowing that the performance of the squad wasn't good enough.
it's unfortunate that it is a competition. but credits to her for still going out there doing her best and performing  her best even if she thought it was hopeless and saw mistakes. credits for still fighting on. credits to her officers who were there straight away to comfort her. nothing to be ashamed of as long as you did your best.

the next state drill is in the next 2 years... till then...

crash and burn, or is it?

travelling at high speed...  you see the pole. you know the crash is coming. it is on the way. it is going to happen.

going. the word is going.
but it has not yet happened.
things are going in slow motion. and you can turn in the last mili-second moment.

situations and issues in life may seem like that. with things spiralling down fast and one by one things start to break apart and with pressure mounting, it seems too late.

the only possible outcome is crash and burn, or is it?

we have a choice.

serving who?

clashing of opinions can come. misunderstandings can happen. miscommunication. wrong words can be said. different types of approaches. different opinions of certain methods. it can get sad. can get offended. at lack of respect. at some assumptions already done.

 would you get angry? yeah... but more of a sad type of angry. these things happen. but it doesn't matter. cause i serve God. not man. if you're very sure of that and God has pointed, take the time to work it out with others and communicate better. nothing to be scared of. clarify.

it's a test.

sermonette

the first time doing a sermonette for the children during the monthly Family Sunday. needed it to be visual. praise God for His inspiration...

A Tupperware. (Pour in drinking water)

“can we drink the water?” (yes)
Yes, we can drink the water (maybe i drink).

Then one day, i told a lie to my parents, (i dip a brush of black paint once) it makes the water a little bit not clean.
Another day, i didn’t share with my friends. ( i dip again)
i got angry and hurt my friends. ( i dip again)
i stole something i didnt' have. ( i dip again) Etc...
The more and more i make wrong and selfish decisions, (i dip more) the water becomes dirtier and dirtier.
Can we drink the water? (no)

Can i have 2 volunteers? (wrapping paper and ribbon) I need your help to wrap the Tupperware and tie a ribbon. Make it look nice. (wrapping)
Now, doesn’t it look wonderful? (wrapped)
Will you drink the water now?
(no)
What if i decorate it with money? (money)
Will you drink the water now?
(no)
What if i build a nice house around it?
Will you drink the water now?
(no)
So no matter what i do to make it look nice, we know that inside is still dirty.

Even if i covered it with money, we know the inside is still dirty. This Tupperware of water is like our heart inside. Inside can be clean or dirty. We can do a lot of things to put around or cover it, but God looks at the heart.

God was looking for the king and God ask the prophet Samuel to go and visit Jesse’s family. The prophet Samuel went to the first son. God said no. And the second? God still said no. Until all 7 brothers. Each time the prophet Samuel thought it would be this son that qualified, God told Samuel, No. Until david, the youngest.

God told Samuel, “do not judge by the appearance or height. People judge by outward appearance, but God looks at the heart”.

World Religions: a different perspective...

had classes in STM again. the 3rd module for the year: World Religions. i thought it was just going to be a factual lecture which will be deeper than what we learn in school or doing surface research. the lecturer has a heart for missiological studies (and i would say a gifting). besides facts, he also taught the heart and spiritual principles behind each religion. [disclaimer: below is typed from thoughts in class. i haven't done my assignment yet, so some things may be typed or worded wrongly.]

on neutral observation, how has the western mindset westernized Christianity? observe the style of evangelism where it is a vocal and open intellectual debate, of black and white, of modernity and consumer influenced. compared to the hospitality of eastern culture and acceptance of each other's thoughts and beliefs. to hit it right at the spot, Buddhists are more acceptant of others than the western influenced Christianity.

in a western mindset, exercising (physical) is separate from acts of spirituality. for the eastern teaching, exercise and spirituality is together; tai-chi, qi gong. chinese medicine is linked to the bodies spirituality. there is no division. spirituality and lifestyle is inter-twined deeply. which causes difficulties in pointing out what is a yes and a no. taking out ancestral worship is taking out filial piety. it is not just about combating the spiritual worship. the lecturer was saying, it is never easy and one of his main advice, is always spiritual discernment.

when we enter a temple, we enter a place of serenity, a place of peace, a place of calmness to meditate and reflect upon one's spirituality. it is taken seriouly in piousness and dedication in meditation and prayer. compared to a westernized environment, we enter a place that must have a Wow! factor or we won't be satisfied. how often and how long do we spend time in prayer and meditation?

for the Hindu caste system, it is a principal where everyone has their place in life as they go through the circle of reincarnation. in the belief of reincarnation, they would reincarnate into a few types of forms depending on their previous life's behaviour. it is on the principal of the world being in balance, the structure of life and acceptance of their place in life.

this is only a small part of what we were learning. facts and information, yes, but more importantly learning the heart and principles behind it all. i have to admit it is quite terrible how western culture has influenced us of treating things as black and white, what more the influences of the scientific thinking which makes us look at a lot of stuff as ridiculous if it doesn't fit into it. there are a lot of things we can learn from.

it was also great to able to visit ronald and family. spend time with their kids and also just have fun in a homey environment. pasar malam, ice age 4, jusco 2, home made pork burgers.

there is always hope...

lately, a few friends brought up the line, 'there is always hope...' because it's on my gtalk status. i can't remember how or what made me put it there. but i've kept it there ever since for dunno how long... possible to be 2 years +.

i don't think its coincidence that each of my friends, one by one, brought it up. in conversation it was like, 'remember... there is always hope'... or a sudden 'Amen! there is always hope!'. it is weird that they are telling me my own line that i put up and didn't change. they're advising me with my own line 0.0

i take it as a reminder of the line that i kept there. perhaps i got too used to it that its just 'another object by the corner', that it lost its message and impact of hope. knowing the fact that there is always hope, and believing it in our hearts and mind are two very different things.

of drill and encouragement...

marching for hours under the hot sun week after week. having to be alert to the same commands over and over again. needing to be focused and not being able to move. torturous. Drill. and we're not even counting in the push-ups for punishments (fortunately GB does not have that).

after many weeks, we'll get tired physically, mentally and emotionally. things will start to break down. it gets even worse if there doesn't seem to be much progress or there is so much more to do. it is very common. what do you do in such circumstances? how do you rest together as a group when time is already lacking? would making time to rest or calling a time off in practices lead to slacking?

different groups, different dynamics. assessing the situation, a little break would do some good :) a little surprise was in store for the squad. was glad it lifted their spirits. heard that they had lots of fun sitting around and laughing together with the surprise Chatime. even came up with a 1st KL cheer.

drill is more than marching under the hot sun. working together as a team, training focus in spite of obstacles, preparation.

kaki's corner...

the invitation was sent out early but i did not reply. was wondering how i would hold out by the weekend. had sleepless nights again. knowing that it was a full week, i had to take precautions. was also looking for a time to quieten down and withdraw.

but well, encouraged by none other than James Ho to go. a big thank you to him for giving the little push to decide to go. i was glad that i went though it was a really long day. it's been a while since i have last gone out. the little group of young adults having fun eating dinner for the occasion of celebrating a friend's belated birthday.

a notable significant lame joke: if bitten by mosquito, will become nyamuk-man (mosquito-man). if you interview him what his power is, his reply is,'I suck'.

tuition, MBS chapel training, small group...

helping a youth in her finance studies certainly brings back memories of my uni days studying finance. interestingly and thankfully though, i can still remember the concepts but a bit rusty on the details. while going through with her, it seems i understood, but when i start reading out the terms, i get confused. haha... and i also remember during uni that i actually wrote down the meaning of all the terms especially when 2 or 3 terms actually are referring to the same thing. will work on it..

didn't expect so many to turn up (how little faith of me). some were late but its ok. we encourage punctuality for the next training so that everyone benefits together and no one needs to leave halfway. we pair up the experienced with the new so that the seniors can share their experience and the new also participate and learn. it was vibrant though some were a bit uncertain. but all good. it's a good start. i also need to get use to being in the cycle with groups of students transitioning.

went for a swim at small group leader's apartment pool. it was nice. just swim and relax. at the same time also realize how unfit and tired i am. unfortunate that she had a migraine so i helped lead. its one of those times in small group that i didn't mind leading because its like we take turns helping each other. it is OUR small group. thought of a weird icebreaker. its like pass the parcel but everyone can see the timer ticking down. whoever has it when the timer rings will be whacked with a soft toy hammer by the people on the left and right.

it was a big rush on friday. but driving home, i made a point of looking at what was significant and thanking God.

doing drill with the Girls' Brigade...

it was a long day with the KL and Selangor district MYF combine meet with KL Wesley hosting. for once i didn't have to do anything except smile and welcome people. nice to meet new people and also some youths who i haven't seen since youthquake dec 2010. it was great to see them again.

a time of lunch, ice breakers, worship, and the MYF TRAC president gave a sharing about each of the youth groups in each church connected together. it is not about which church is the biggest but helping each other in their youth groups. we are a body supporting each other. nice to have a few oldies around as well. encouraging to see the adults take ownership of their youths and care for them. gave Kepong Wesley youths a tour of the youth workers office. of course a big wow to them but i also encourage them to prepare that for their church as well :)

and to add to a list of things that i had never thought i'd be doing and did, is doing drill with the Girls' Brigade. doing as in, being part of the squad and doing their steps together. i have helped before here and there for their preparation for their drill competition but not as part of their squad... haha... they were practising their fancy drill and it was difficult because 3 of their members were absent. 2 officers already stand in for 2 and they needed one more. so, ok. just learn it quickly and listen to the commands.

of course the girls were amused and laughing that i was willing and could do it with them. thanks to BB training. i have to admit that it was fun. then jon came in because he was looking for someone and saw me. a big shock and a big smile for something he also wouldn't have thought he'd seen.

memories... haha...

TRAC college-uni group...

TRAC college-uni group is held once a month at TRAC headquarters, jalan gasing. Praise God for the effort by Choy Quin, Joanne, Ruth and Doreen. most are MCKL students with a few others from IMU or BAC and others.

had the honour of sharing to the youths about life after college and also ministry, together with Ruth. we started sharing about our backgrounds, then to what we did in college and uni to the working world. along the way they are allowed to ask other questions.

it was nice to hear Ruth sharing about her life and also some dangers to look out for the girls. a personal testimony is always the best type of sharing because it is personal and also true. a good friend that i met in our youth days then parted for a while through college and uni and then meet back again through TRAC.

a good example of people serving God...

we may have endless lists of not-so-nice people that we have had to work with in church. but its not 100% all bad. there are great servants of God who are very encouraging to work with together. i am grateful for those that i get to work with.

you know you can trust them, that they have no exterior motives or vested interest. they look towards God and care for the community around.

they care to make sure that it is not just talking. they work together and do it together with you. thinking about the impact on others when making decisions, ensuring that no one is too burdened.

it's not about being the most active or having many ministries either. you know that when he can't serve, you know its because of family or things equally (or more) important that the person has to tend to. No doubts. you know he definitely wants to serve but unfortunately can't.

and if the person has to cease, we can let him go to take care of his family. and it does not mean he stops from ministry (notice the word 'cease'). he may not be able to be in the frontline but i always know that i can seek advice and help from him whenever i need to. we can talk things out, discuss and plan.

he serves humbly even though it may be a mistake on my part. fortunately it was only a small mistake about manning a station during station games.

1 Peter 4:10-11 10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

a cycle in MBS chapel...

it was agm for MBS chapel just recently on friday. got a little surprise that so many came. it is encouraging. we see a blend of the seniors and the new ones. the interviews were held earlier and the teacher advisor and president had already prayed and discussed over the posts. the posts were shown and there was a time of sharing from the seniors on what they have learned.

it is a cycle. students will come and go. this time round, the amount of people leaving would be significant. praise God that we are able to see how the group have grown together. they have grown and served God faithfully. they have made mistakes but also learned and improved on their mistakes.

different presidents brought about certain improvements. from their own characters and also strengths. the previous president brought her dynamic and proactive-ness into chapel and thought of a good system that encourages balanced teams and good worship sessions for both junior and senior sides. the current president (now ex) brought his wisdom and caring approach to ensure that no one is over burdened or over committed in both CF and chapel committees.

we're not looking for perfect people to serve God now. we're looking for growth, to see what you are now and what you are when you leave MBS. we're not concerned on how you start. we're concerned on how you finish.

the current state of the chapel ministry is good because of the current committee and God's guidance. the seniors have worked hard in getting things going well now. there is a need now for the seniors to be teaching the new ones and mentoring them properly. for the future. the chapel ministry will continue to be in a good (or even better) state because the seniors have planted and prepared and worked for it. they contributed to the future. it is building blocks. not starting from scratch whenever there is someone new.

the ministry of chapel is "planting seeds"; within the committee and externally to all the students who attends chapel service. two words for them to always remember. jon added 2 more; "trust God."