it was wonderful to witness richard's wedding. it can be said it was also like a mini reunion among OCF SA. its quite hard to meet up because everyone has their busy schedule. there are those i haven't even seen for 4 years. and yet, it seems as though it was yesterday in uni that we were last together.
i don't know about the others, but for 2 days, i can forget and leave KL behind. some would call it escapism. i guess in some ways, it is. a little break or a refresher. meeting up with them makes the break even more meaningful and happier. meeting them is like receiving a jolt in the memory and a reminder of days that was.
after the wedding, at kevin's house, i slept. and i really slept. real sleep and rest. i slept about 2 and a half hours i think but it felt like a long time. i can't remember when was the last time i had a good rest. i knew some others did the same as well. its like, being able to sleep because things in KL can wait and not have to worry now.
the moments weren't just purely happy talking and fun and games and disturbing each other. there were moments that we were just quiet, recognizing and enjoying each others presence. we can relax and not be wary about people watching your every move because we know that we won't be judged, knowing that we are family and equal. we can be ourselves more, and transparent because this family accepts you for who you are and you know they sincerely care for you.
i look forward to these trips or gatherings very much, not for escapism from reality or to fulfill a wanting to re-live the uni days of which i talk so much about. as much as it seems a dream or some sort of moments of ecstasy, its only for a moment of course. but yet, after it all, its not that there is a 'gloomy horizon to face' or 'sink back into reality' sort of thing.
i did not sleep on my journey home which is about 5 hours plus. i was awake, reflecting and thinking. these trips can make you feel guilty cause it reminds you of the changes (good or bad) that has happened. i do think that in the future, some can be so guilt-strickened and embaressed till they wouldn't want to meet up again cause the reminder is too... too painful.
i guess i learned to love these reminders. guilt-strikened? yes, of course. painful as they may be but humble my heart and accept the imperfect nature of myself. have i slacked? have i tried my best? have i been praying? have i been growing spiritually and maturedly and in wisdom? any old habits returned? have i been a servant? have i been a shepherd? have i been after God's heart?
i looked at my worries and my burdens and my conflicts. i do know what's more important and what i need to do. but it involves risks and possible bad side effects. however, not seizing these issues also have its possibly equal consequences. so it has been a series of merry-go-rounds of thoughts building in my head about 1 month plus. sigh... prayer. i'll see what happens...
we're all on this journey together.
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