justin made me do it!

7 things that scare me
- heights (can fall and just die like that leh...)
- God
- parents
- things about to crawl in my ear
- stray dogs (can get rabbies)
- a crazy guy wielding a knife with AIDS
- leeches (if i see them sucking me) & insects (if they are crawling on me)

7 random facts about me
- i had and may have anger problems
- i'm shy (really... i have to force myself to meet new people)
- i'm lazy yet a perfectionist
- i like dramatic stuff
- learning from mistakeS, i became very tactful on words
- sometimes proud and emotionally driven
- am still wondering where is God leading me and what is His will for me cause i got confused. lots to grow.

7 things I hope to do before I die
- bless my parents
- grow and bless people's lives
- write songs upon songs that will praise God and that will minister and encourage God's people and people
- see and feel God's presence flowing through thousands and thousands of worshippers, just singing and praising God.
- raise a family and be a blessing to my wife
- be like King David & Moses as how they had related and had faith in God
- ask forgiveness from everyone

7 things that I can do
- play the piano and not remember what i did at some parts cause God lead me
- eat a lot
- tell lame jokes
- tear people down, yet encourage (the power of the tongue - James 3)
- be long-winded and so, forgetting to listen though i wanted to help (bleh)
- a hands-on person
- sleep anywhere

7 people who should fill this out
- Handy
- Shelley
- Nikhil
- Gillian
- Zhi Yong
- Lai Kuan
- Raymond Lim

a simple song...

i remember one of the times i felt super down, and i was thinking, what is it to encourage myself? i was thinking of songs to sing and encourage. my thoughts ran through many songs that were long and with many words.
then this song, 'With Christ in the Vessel' popped up. and just saying it out, i was amazed yet again.

this simple song, many times disregarded in our hearts and minds as 'oh, this kindergarten children song again' and we just pass it on, speaks a short yet profound message.

With Christ - Together with God

in the Vessel - in our hearts and in our lives

we Can - it IS possible and we CAN

Smile at the Storm - go through and FACE the troubles in our lives

As we go sailing home - as we live our life before seeing God again.

short, simple with a strong deep message.

i ended up just walking and singing it slowly and meaning every word that is said.

exams eh? meditate on this song.

sigh...

Matthew 10:16
"See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."

days are hard...

days are hard... complain? no... don't.

but i did complain. just let out a little steam here and there. but the whole house have been working hard. the pressure is mounting and time is running out.

would it be times of nightmares of a student? i guess it could be. fear will always come. i'm always attacked in the mind. bad thoughts and negative thoughts always comes. there will be moments where there is no hope. i'm standing on so much uncertainty. i have to admit that my faith gets dry many a times. i lay confused and huh? i can't sing, can't pray or worship properly. hands of failure seem to be reaching out to me as i frantically wave my arms to avoid being caught. mood swings. it is hard to pick yourself up. you get encouragements here and there from others, but only those who have really failed before will understand.

i pray that God protect my mind and heart. that God refreshes me. that God will show His presence more. that i will trust God that everything after my finals, will fall into place. so i need not worry whether plans will go right or not.

concentration will lapse from time to time. short breaks are a good refreshing to the mind. days seem long and short. probably lost the time. body clock has been shifting a lot. need consistency.

reading 'Wild at Heart' by John Eldridge at the same time. having good ponderings and realizations.

danny's 'encouraging line': 'oh, its only week 11. nothing wan. don't need to worry. still got a lot of time'

sunburnt...

hmm... saturday... went to bed with a headache... woke up with no headache... at first. walked around to prepare for the OSA cup and got a headache.

well, i went there played 2 games and been the linesman for 3 matches. that would make more than 3 hours in the sun. and yes, stupid... i am so stupid. why didn't i put sun block? arghhh!

came home and rested before bathing. got up from the chair, rubbed my face, ow! checked the mirror, crap! i'm a new rudolf, a new shade of red, quite rosy cheeks, i'll suffer tomorrow. and its so so obvious. man, embarresing. we'll see tomorrow at church.

it was nice to be playing soccer after a long while. felt the excitement but yet had to be careful that i do not get tackled badly or get any injuries. there were some games that were rough. with me not having enough stamina, i only played 2 seriously. i left before the finals started. the team, where half used to be the OCF team and most of our friends, fell out at the semi-finals. can be said unlucky. the high ball bounced on the ground onto the hand of the defender in the penalty box. really unlucky. but they still played with sportsmanship.

OCF....

ocf today was good...

was !xobile's first time worship leading. and really see his heart in seeking God and leading people to worship.
had a bad headache because was trying to change my body clock. i don't think i played that well on the piano though i gave my best with what i can.
the headacheness did set on. terrible.

we had a good time of sharing on what we had studied in 1st corinthians and also just sharing. chok, our BS leader, cooked food. i totally forgotten about it. it was really servant leadership being shown.

also, it had been a long while since handy and i had such a good laugh with each other. well, he had the advantage of teasing me, so, hmmm... ok... but we also had laughs of other matters. poor xiao^2 was just wondering what in the world we are laughing about when just one or two things happened. so sorry man, it was all internal jokes.

the sharing, though few, was important as it touches on the very struggles of guys. every guy goes through it. only God's spirit and courage would have brought such transparency. so true that we need the Lord. we need to ask God to guard our hearts and protect our minds.

big pain...

its a big pain with your body clock being the opposite. i'm officially a night guard, night owl, um... whatever else. and trying hard to switch it too. i'm awake from 2 a.m. to 8 a.m. then i knock out till 1 pm. and its actually still not enough sleep. cialat man. then i'll wake up, rush to uni, come back, dead tired... at about 6pm. then sleep about 2 hours. and the cycle goes again. at least work is still done.

in total, have been negating the hours of sleep trying to work hard. its a bad strategy. got to avoid that. stress attacks are coming back again. and been asking God to protect my mind. and also i have to ensure i get enough rest. God need to heal my body as well.

amidst my tumbling and aimless drifting here and there trying to follow my schedule, God has been there. i know. but i didn't take the time to stop and see. just a 30 seconds here and there and my mind shift to something else, or shifts to numbness. sigh... God i'm sorry. i didn't take the time to stop or try to stop. i'm trying to do well. i need to force myself. but its changing things that i do not want to change. i'm starting to lose patience and tolerance and godly thinking.

preparations & hard work...

had a good talk with carter and danny about working hard or being hard working.

i guess it is the essence of everything that we do. hard work is needed if you want to succeed. working hard at the right contents and not working hard in vain.

i have to say i'll be blogging less. and trying to remake my sleeping schedule which is totally messed up. sigh. what in the world am i doing...

my mind's pretty numb at the moment. got to find things to refresh myself. maybe its my tired eyes due to efforts of shifting the sleeping schedule.

plus not being able to accomplish my financial modelling techniques assignment. its such a big pain. i just can't get it right. now i know why no one wants to take finance.

i didn't type anything about God? yeah i didn't. haven't been feeling God's presence lately. or maybe i didn't take or make the time to be quiet. got to rummage for the daily bread. though i'm doing purpose driven life again.

went looking for any of my youth groups blog. didn't remember about home for some long time. it seems quite far away.

contract....

my thoughts flew back to the time where raymond challenged us to make a contract between yourself and God. and with you putting your signature on it as well.

he handed out contracts that he had prepared for people who wanted to sign. and i thought, ok... i'll write my own contract. well, i haven't. i should do it now so that i'm driven with more purpose and be more serious.

but also a posing question, if you were to prepare a contract between you and God, what are you going to include in it?
raymond's challenge was to put more effort in your spiritual walk, take the initiative to strengthen and nourish your spiritual growth, read God's Word daily and one more i think. these are to start off. but for personal stuff, i guess we can make it more detail for ourselves.
oh, how could i forget? there was also a place for a witness to sign. then only will the it be a valid contract.

was also reminded about how we were told to write letters to ourselves during kairos. very interesting. i got that before when i was 12. can't remember what i've written down at kairos though.

signs...

puzzled? lost?

ask God for signs. there's nothing wrong. Gideon asked for signs.
and in cases like me, where thoughts of statistical explanations come up (ie: it'll most likely happen or there's a high chance of it happening), ask God for BIG signs. Gideon asked for a second sign as confirmation. God understands our sincere doubts whenever we sincerely ask. God will show you.

BUT also remember, when we have asked for signs, believe and follow the action for that sign when it is given. if not, what is the point of asking for a sign if you have already 'kind of' decided in your heart what to do. it makes no difference if a sign is given to you because you are not believing and following it.

i remember reading in the Case of Faith by Lee Strobel. imagine this happening.

one day, while John was walking down the street leading his own life, suddenly thick clouds appear and the sky turned dark filled with booming thunder and flashes of lightning. the strong wind was blowing things apart. and then the clouds parted and bright light streamed down upon John. and a Zeus-like figure with a bright shining face and mighty body appeared.
and with a mighty magnificent voice, said,"Behold John. I am God and I exist. I now appear in front of you. Now, believe".

what do you think will be John's reaction? would he believe?
it could be a yes. but think about it, if its a no and why.

if John does not want to believe, even if that happens, he will still not believe. he will probably find a way to 'get around it' or an excuse. 'oh, a hallucination' or 'i must be imagining things' or 'must be some special hollywood effects' or 'its must be a Punk'd or Candid Camera programme. so i better act as if nothing happened so that the joke will be on them.'
and so, he will just continue on his daily life, not wanting to act upon it.

this portion in the book was relating to when we ask God to give more obvious signs so that everyone will believe (and also another topic). even if God gives the most obvious signs, if you are just going to make multiple 'going arounds' or explanations as long as it doesn't refer to God, then there is no point in giving the sign.

we have the joy and advantage of asking a Guide for directions. but if we, in our hearts are not going to follow the directions, why bother to ask in the first place?

we are not perfect. that's why it requires faith and obedience.

learnings...

sleepless in wellington = no good.
came back from indoor soccer and KO on the chair, half-holding my dinner plate with the other half resting on my body. its surprising i didn't spill. danny took my plate anyway. and i crawled into bed.
woke up a few hours later to see arthur replacing me on the chair. haha...

anyways, i was thinking, after the quirks and weirdiness, there are also learnings of each other.

i learnt from carter what it is to stay up and be like a night security guard in his waking hours just to study. that even though he wakes up at 2 a.m. he is doing work until uni starts. determination. plays hard but also studies hard. how he asks questions so that he can understand and not blindly memorise. i still find that hard to do sometimes.

i learnt from arthur his stubbornness and how strong he can be driven. in his unique ways, he sends emails of 'how are you' with concern and yet with the simplicity of a sitting-down-have-a-chit-chat-face-to-face conversation and not of a formal dato. if you want to see someone continue to grow in Christian manliness, come and see arthur.

i learnt from danny how we are in a way, similar to each other in terms of characteristics but with each of our similarites driven at different points because of our different upbringings. not that we none of each, we just get that area polished more. i rub off diligence, goals and focus in studies from him, and he rubs of Christian characteristics, thinking and learning from me. and taking care of arthur when he's sick or not eating well. he is my friend, ex-committee member, OCFer, housemate, brother in Christ.

earlier, after i drafted the 'quirks', i so happened to stumble upon delwin's blog and saw his post about kairos. and i realised how much God had blessed and guided us in the little unit of wellington square. so, the creation of this post.

everyone's learning. if you have stopped learning, then that's a question you got to ask yourselves. why have you stopped?

through...

through the night, that is.
sleepless in wellington. when we get mood with the gears going, we keep it going.
its really peaceful at night anyway.

we have our litte breaks and we were laughing at each of our little quirks and 'dumb moments' since we lived together.

we had carter wondering why the bulb can't be unscrewed and gave a firm tug, thus pulling the bulb out and breaking the twisting-shaped base of the bulb holder. and he's an electrical and electronics engineer. oh yeah, plus burning a plastic plate and stinked up the whole house.

we had danny switching on the gas for the bottom burner and he was lighting the top burner, resulting in a big flame as the gas in the air from the bottom burner reached the lighter at the top. also another electrical and electronices engineer. thank God he was not hurt.

we had arthur intending to frighten me on my birthday but instead, tripped and fell on his knees to the confusement of us both. and when he does not have enough sleep, he talks. last night, he was making some train noises(wooooo woooooooooo). i was awake and was like'what the?' and i heard carter shush'ing him. a chemical engineer... maybe with some chemical problems in the brain.

we had me wondering why no water is coming out of the washing machine. of course lah if you didn't turn on the taps. yes, the financier.

plus our occassional surprise when the toilet door didn't lock properly.

'Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise the words of prophets, but test everything; hold fast to what is good; abstain from every form of evil.'
1 Thessalonians 5:16-22

interesting fact...

its an interesting fact how we can't fully understand the full impact of another's position until we are in that position in the future and then wishing that actions could have been done earlier in the past when you had the opportunity to do so.

returnees.
and many other situations...

days passed...

realizing that days has passed so fast and also noting that its holidays that had passed so fast. had the share of fun, but not the equal share of hard work.

discipline.

went to koorong on saturday morning(i could barely wake up) to take advantage of the 30% discount card that Gaius had. looked around at a lot of stuff having looked through brochures in earlier days. bought quite a lot of books. obviously can't read it at one whole shot. but in the long term it would help.

reminded me of how stubborn or the choice of ignorance i had, that i did not want to read extra Christian books out of the casual attitude of 'nah... don't need' before i came here in 03. but when i read the Case for Christ and Case for Faith, that's when i was amazed and also realised i knew so little and there's so much more. and so the spark of reading spreads the fire on. slowly getting accustomed to Christian authors and their writing style(some which i can't connect to).

it cultivated a lot of learnings, ponderings, new thoughts, views, types of thinkings and new insights.
one of the bad habits i cultivated also is rushing in the readings and not pondering properly.
this time round, bought Wild at Heart by John Eldridge (Handy said it was good)
I Believe, Now What? by Michael L. Simpson (to build a stunted side in me from growing up in a Christian family and church)
Bible Answers by Derek Prime (it has questions and the answers with bible verses. good topical reference)
the Leadership Secrets of Billy Graham by Harold Myra & Marshall Shelley (with references to his life experiences from the micro- to the macro-. similar style to 'Masterplan of Evangelism').

and also i remember Edward reminded me last year, that even though you may be reading lots of Christian books, still remember to read (or return) to the Bible.
simple wisdom and advice, eh?

ebay...

i have to admit i've been wanting a new phone but have been refusing (one of my extreme habits against materialism) for a long time also.
to one of my first experiences of E-bay. was looking for a new phone cause the charging capabilities of my first and faithful 3310 seems to be failing.

it is a total big waste of time and distraction. fortunately i had studied earlier. but still, there was a waste of time not being able to concentrate though i had set my alarm to alert me on the dying minutes before the bidding closes.

and 3 times i was outbidded on the last 15 seconds (though i also did employ the same dirty tactics). man... was so angry(it was a wise time not to touch me. carter was laughing seeing my expression). it was not only about not getting a good deal but that my time waiting for it was wasted. there was also wondering, is there another better deal. and after 3 times failing, i decided that the last time have to come and no more.

so i won the bid(still guilty of such tactics). the price isn't that good. i probably got the lesser of a good deal compared to the previous deals. crap. but, its good. new phone should be coming soon. yay!
for a 6021, A$190. i really hope it was a good deal. if not, i'm in big trouble and had better earn back that money.
(drafted this post 3 days ago)

oh yeah, and i also got a digital camera full of accessories too. it was a clearance. and very cheap too. haha...