OCF...

well, had a tiring week. nope, no sports or anything, cause the right knee is gone already. but its the strain on the mind and the body to have to sit and study and work hard.

the stress and pressure can be felt in the air. crankiness and despair, pain and worries. all the more we need to trust God. pastor tim spoke at ocf yesterday. i have no idea what the title was, but it was based on the verse 2 Corinthians 4:7-9.

'But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.'
(remember the song, 'trading my sorrows')

the speaker had 3 points to present
1. Keep it real.
- being honest, having a thankful attitude and spirit amidst circumstances.

2. Keep going.
- never give up. to run the race and never stop running, even if it means crawling to the finish line.

3. Keep perspective.
-get into perspective. we may need to stop ourselves and not just see troubles, but to see the plan that God has in your life ( the big picture ). you may not know where you are going. but there are signs, and have faith and trust.

we may see but only darkness. yet, do not despair, for better days are ahead.

toughness...

things have been pretty tough on me. and it really test me in many ways. i guess that would be the same for the many who are taking exams and going through tough periods of their own. i just try to smile more, and be of cheer to others and to look on the bright side and put my worries and fears away.

at times, i'm like, i've had enough. i'm too tired to take in anymore stuff. at other times, i will want to push more. i don't want to give up. it is tough, wondering when will i get to see sunshine again. i had many realizations lately. some which are scary, some which are amazing. but that will be for another time.

i need strength. i need to pray. i need to cast my cares and worries at God's feet and to focus on God's face.

Lord, help me to pray earnestly with my heart. i come to you, weak hearted, painful leg, worn out. it is hard, Lord. so many times i feel like giving up, like i can't take it anymore. weary. help me to continue to trust in You. and to cast my cares at Your feet. forgive me, Lord for the many times i didn't pray, for the many times i have sinned and for the bad thoughts.

strengthen me Lord, that i may be able to do my best and study and be of good spirit and a good witness. help me to take foolishness away from me, and grant me wisdom. i always want to learn and grow that i may serve You more. but things just seem different. i have no idea why. i try, Lord, to learn and grow. to remember You always. as a Father and friend.

Lord, help me with things with my parents. its a problem that's, yeah, unique for my own. i thank you for people you have placed around me. fill me with your joy. the joy of the Lord. grant me good rest. and heal me. help me as i go through this phase, that i may concentrate and do and give my best. i feel scared Lord that the same thing will happen again. please grant me calmness. all this i pray in Jesus name, Amen.

wisdom...

wisdom, something that is needed and it is wise to follow wisdom. but some may not want to listen to wisdom though having it. namely, me. my mother's way of saying it, 'some people will have to learn it the hard way.' and i did.

this time it is a ligament of the knee. me, still thinking i'm invincible, was so 'smart'. go and play soccer. and now i have to bear the REAL cost. i have no idea how bad it is. will be seeing the doctor tomorrow.

i'm sure i would have disappointed some people. yes, i did. the people that cares for me. i don't really want to disappoint them. but foolishness thinking 'it will be alright', doesn't pay off, but makes you pay. cantonese saying will be 'tai sei'. really worried. for the worst cases, it is possible that i may not be able to run again. ( a big big horror for me, cause it would mean, no more sports).

i searched for some verses about wisdom.

'It is the Lord who gives wisdom; from him come knowledge and understanding.' Proverbs 2:6

'You are the one who will profit if you have wisdom, and if you reject it, you are the one who will suffer.' Proverbs 9:12

'Truth, wisdom, learning, and good sense - these are worth paying for, but too valuable for you to sell.' Proverbs 23:23

'But the wisdom from above is pure first of all; it is also peaceful, gentle, and friendly; it is full of compassion and produces a harvest of good deeds; it is free from prejudice and hypocrisy.' James 3:17

oh, how true. verily, verily, it is true.

farewell...

sunday...

woke up and went to church. and it was a combine service of the chinese and the english congregation. the church isn't so established yet in handling the a bi-lingual service so it was pretty amusing at times.

there was an interpreter for the service. he did his best. and i could understand what the sermon was about. and yes, the sermon was twice as long. bleh... and i want to express again, the wonderful chinese songs singing out to God. they are elven songs with beautiful words. the songs was a lot about trusting God. man, i got the message.

later on, went to the airport for fannie's farewell. got to know caroline and kah ling better while in the car going to and fro from the airport. fannie is a dear sister of mine. i would remember that she cared for me when i came in my first year. ever willing with advice and guidance. will always miss her cheerfulness, her faithfulness and spirit in serving God. yes, there were the tears and dehydration of the body for many. the many Uni S.A. girls and guys that were there at the airport to hug and bid farewell.

here comes to pass another that has fulfilled the OCF vision of reaching out, building up and send home. indeed it would be a farewell for now. but who knows, where we will meet again. take care, fannie...

i'm in the engineering lab now typing this. yeah, a change of lifestyle. going back to study. i can soon call it my second home and learning the engineering lingo quite fast and the secret of the engineering lift. hahaha...

lessons and reminders...

Fannie
- be teachable
- learn and grow and walk faithfully with God.

Arthur
- Gratefulness
- A full priviledge to study overseas
- the basic-ness of life

Handy
- You remind me of a medic who is wounded but still going out to the battlefield to save others. You should stay in the hospital. Let it heal and rest.

Gillian
- Your parents want the best for you to guide you for your future.
- You, at the same time, wanting to do your best not to disappoint them. sometimes, it is still doing your best, but not to what your parents want.

'God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. '
Hebrews 6:10-12

combine meet...

combine meet today was really great. we had delwin worship leading and dr. calvin mah as our speaker. he talked a lot about the pathways of ex-OCFers and how they have lead their lives and where God has lead them. and mentioned a lot about missions and what it really is. i honestly got lost a bit, but fortunately, could catch the important points.

missions, its a field where i don't have much knowledge about, as in the going abouts in the future and what would life be like in the mission field, parents and all. i won't shut it out of course, but i would have to grow and learn more about it before i would want to say anything about it.

fannie lim, siew yee and myra, will be leaving us already. lip how (flinders) too. i served with him as treasurers from different centres. many will be leaving. edward, yvonne. it is really saddening. all the more we should treasure and remember our brothers and sisters in Christ. but that's how it is in OCF. that's the cycle that OCF goes through where people come and go. some long, some short.

went for supper with the uni SA OCFers. had a good time fellowshipping with them. getting to know them better and catching up with them. got to talk with kah ling, myra, eileen and sharon. cheers up my heart. really makes me happy getting to talk with people and catching up with their lives. knowing their interests.

the meaning of William.

William

(Will, Willy, Bill, Billy)

Origin

Old German - from 'Wilahelm' meaning 'will-helmet' or 'desiring protection'. Introduced to Britain by the Normans, in particular William the Conqueror himself.

Characteristics

Confident, daring, a person of action. Well disciplined with an inquisitive mind.Often a nature lover. A serious romantic. A respected friend.

"No horizon is so far that you cannot get above it or beyond it".

anyway, i got it off from a bookmark that a friend gave me long time ago. the origin sounds normal. the characteristics, i have no idea. i think its just one of those marketing type of stuff. you can't guarantee the characteristics cause anyone will be brought up differently. for example, i (W.Kwong) am no conqueror. but the characteristics are for laughs. do i fill any? hahahahaa.....

God moulding me...

yes, it is the emotional melancholic and deep thinking complicated side of me. but before anything else, i want to thank all of the people who have been praying for me, asking me how i am, and friends that i get to talk to, who have been encouraging me, and expressing concern. thank you. every little bit counts.

i am not fully fine. but feel much better. the decision was tough, yes. but i have chosen to go for convention. and then later had struggles with parents. was really sad about it. that's where the mind boggling square of non-decipherable words was typed. had good days and tough days.

i am not emotionally strong. that's one of my weakness. i realised that the things i'm going through this semester, is really testing me a lot emotionally. God is moulding me. and i will persevere. it is not easy. i try to have faith and to trust God more. pushing each day. wanting to break free. and succeed. besides exams and assignments, there is also the emotional side. the whole package. i will make it a an extra point to always consciously be learning and growing and making sure that i'm walking in God's path.

'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. ' James 1:3-4

For Prayer: exams on Nov 8, 11, 15. wisdom. strength. discipline. courage. spiritual walk with God.

aimless...

i feel aimless. standing still and having uncertainties. trying to move and moving, but having no idea where. you have a goal, but not knowing how to get there, whether the path is 100%. afraid. you do your best to make decisions, hoping it is wise, putting much thoughts. but get reactions that are otherwise. and the basis of having made the decisions was counted as foolish. fury isn't such a good thing. or could it be? talk about being emotionally drained, what about being emotionally disappointed. being busy doesn't help. got to lay of other things that are important as well. already not so mobile though i try to be. to keep moving. confidence is a funny thing. you need it. but when you lose it, you lose a lot. what about God's will? but we go back to the preparations first. the chipping of the block before it is used. trying to just keep steady and not blow. crying is ok. you have dead long days, weeks, months, struggling all the way, only to see results that are not of wanting. you try to rise, only to see things prepared otherwise for you. so what's the point of rising? be strong... be strong. you try to continue to lead life like normal. but then, now you got to sacrifice so much. how do you balance or choose between equal needs? what does it mean to live a life that God wants? to live a life with God, walking in God's path? at moments you just feel it is all fogged up. you can't see anything. you thought you saw the path, but then it was shaken up a bit. you try to see again and get a clearer view of the path, but more fog comes. shamefully, you have to say, " i don't know." you try to be an example, not to men, but to live God's way. you know the moment you make a mistake or took a wrong step or something bad, news spread faster than the speed of light. you got to get on your knees and ask for forgiveness. i will fight. i will not give up. the days of booms and recessions. underneath the surface, is there an underlying strength of good foundation? is that what counts, or is deception going to come in where only the surface is valued and not the depths? walk in faith. have faith. stand firm. be confident. trust God. long-run. is this a process of growing and chipping of the block, where silver is cleansed from its impurities?

sleepy.

pulling of the heart...

ever since the exam dates came out, this matter has always been in my mind, always pulling at my heart. i didn't really know whether or not to type it out. the matter may seem small, but it really pulled at 2 things that was part of my heart. i guess you would see the softer and emotional side of me.

it is a choice, to go to convention, or to go home. initially, i chose to go for convention in brisbane. it was in the assumption that exams would end about the last week of Nov. and then convention would follow. so it won't make a difference in the amount of time that i have to spend back home. i will be returning for summer course making the dates, leaving adelaide on the 14th Dec and returning on 1st Jan for summer course. 2 weeks back home.

but when i found out my last paper was on the 15th Nov, there was the big difference of adding an extra month that i could spend back home if i flew back quickly. 1 and 1/2 months! but then i would have to forgo convention.

yes, i would have really thought so much about it, to weigh its pro's and con's, priority, but both equally pulled at the heart. my parents and sister back home, or convention. i do not want to take for granted 'family' back home, but yet, not wanting to miss an opportunity to learn and grow and have an amazing experience in convention. some may think, 'it's just a camp', but it is not just a camp. i want to make my parents happy, but also wanting to be able to talk to others and learn from others in convention. i really love my parents. and would want to make them happy.

my parents called on saturday night. i was so emotionally drained. my parents, of course, would really want me to spend more time back home ( being close to a year away), but they also said that the decision is mine, and they will respect the decision. really cried. i was so exhausted.

talked with a lot of people. seeked advice. their wisdom. many of the reasons that they mentioned, i have thought of and weighed. i have the tendency to think a lot, and Chok stopped me. so did Fannie. zip the brain, and be still. be still.....

it really is a hard decision for me to make. i do not dare to write out some lines cause i think i may exagerate and not use the words properly. did i spend time in prayer about it? i'm guilty for that. i don't think i did spend a lot of time in prayer for the matter, but only spent time thinking about it and worrying about it, thinking that if i put more thought into it, i will get the answer.

i guess i will follow Fannie's advice. everytime a worrying thought comes, put it into prayer.

'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.'
Phillipians 4:6

sprained leg...

well, well....am pretty exhausted. from 2 things. a week full of stuff. and a sprained leg. and to everyone's surprise ( or maybe they were not), the accident-prone me sprained my leg. but it is my left leg this time, and not my right ( which was the previous time). but i was in protest. one would need to go through some pain before they could reach their dream of being a star soccer player. hahahaha.... the injury was due to dedication in soccer. yeah yeah....

it's great to see the friends that i have. the support + the teasing. some wanted to play 'tag' , some tried to tickle me, some had the enjoyment of trying out the crutches and doing flying kicks. haha... it is wonderful to have a family here, all brothers and sisters in Christ.

since this being the second time, i decided i will learn from the first time. complain less, be less dull, and smile. it's not going to stop my heart. there is still joy. life still goes on. there is still a lot of things to do. besides work, there are people around to talk to and lives to touch.

thank you

i want to thank the many people who have been attending and reading my writings. gillian came and read... handy also... and to the many others, rowen and bernard. so happy... i hope that the site, will be a reaching out site and a good site-witness. hahaha... excuse the lame corny line.

yes the posting is really really late. its monday now, and the event was on saturday. was busy. now that holidays are ending. time to kick in all the gears back again. with assignments due and chores, and tasks, really had no mood or time to write. uni starts tomorrow. uni isn't bad. the only thing that is draggy is that the assignments are due and exams are getting nearer. got to revise the tutorials and be smart in the learning. bleh...

but with all that said, Gillian did gave me a card. and the verse on it was, 'I can do all things through Him who gave me strength.' Phillipians 4:13.

and a few amusing lines from Handy about me (only remember two) : ' You had a no-point-in-life period in Aug' and ' You're destined to work with dominant women.'

time of praise and worship...

was busy trying to finish work and balance the time of practises and uni work. and didn't post for a few days. even if i posted it would be work, work and work.

yesterday, there was a praise and worship event by the english congregation of the Goodwood church. it was their first time having such an event. i learnt many things. besides the journey of completing the race ( or completion of the event ), the day also had lessons that i learnt and reflected upon. got to spend more time and get to know more of Handy, Eng Poh, Arthur, Addielle and Elaine.

the 17 songs being practised over and over again, well, it really does make you get irritated. and when the worship leader repeats it over and over and over, its doesn't help at all. we did laugh about it and all, but i was worried that the songs will just be an irritation and the playing will just be for the playing and not for worship.

i have to say that not much publicity was done for the event. arthur and i was talking about it and he said, probably less than 50 will come. i tried to be more optimistic, but honestly, i got a bit scared about it as well. but i decided to go on in faith and continue to play. even if it means the place is going to be empty.

but, about 60-70 people turned up. it was amazing. and a lot were OCFers. it was so nice to get to see all of them. really wonderful. the songs of praise and worship, were meaningful. hearing the preaching and arthur's testimony, showed even more meaning for the songs. it really is a God blessed night. Glory to God on high!