sleepless nights...

a lot of things happened in nov and dec... and of course, jan.

been having sleepless nights for about 2 weeks. to my last recollection, only about 2 nights that i had straight 8 hours sleep. kind of frustrating that i can't figure out the cause. wasn't emo-ing, wasn't stressed from work, no one is stressing me from work, not thinking about work, not thinking about anything. body is tired, not moving and lying on the bed. but the mind is active.

i manage to keep the mind blank and neutral. but then thoughts start coming in. am familiar with the area of thinking on too much things. am able to press pause and stop the thoughts, but the mind still active. i even tried exercising in the evening to tire my body and use up the energy but it was even worse. i still couldn't sleep in the night and the body was tired AND aching. haha...

but amidst it all, i praise God that i am still healthy. had the muscles aching a bit here and there. can feel the fatigue and headache but didn't fall sick.

digging deeper, a thought. i did try a lot of things to try to sleep. but i did not pray. why? that's a question for me to answer. we have ask ourselves the honest brutal questions. is there something deeper that is bothering me? is there any unsettled issues? is there an underlying grudge that i am holding against God?

a little dedication to shelley who encouraged me to continue writing... as time progresses and we each move on in life from uni, God does speak through these little things from friends. they do count.