left or right?

i am having a dilemma. i have to choose between the OCF 55th International Convention (held in Equatorial Melaka) and youth church camp. (i have a wedding clashing also but that's another story).

so, OCF convention or youth camp?

OCF convention was in my heart and mind since i left adelaide nearly 3 years ago. yes, 3 years ago. i was looking forward to the international convention 3 years into the future when i left adelaide. it is something that i was looking forward to and not miss for whatever reason. and as it approaches, details start coming.

my heart sank in some ways. the price is RM600. well, that's equatorial hotel for 5 days. its um.. quite a price. it is 25% of 1 month of my salary, and try imagining a student asking his parents for RM600 for 5 nights stay in a hotel. in melaka. RM600 is a larger bite of an amount for those working in malaysia as well.
and to me lah, there's other worthwhile causes that RM600 can be used for instead of a 5 night hotel stay.

and another heart sinking matter was because it clashes with the church youth camp. i am in the youth ministry and the camp is one of the effective areas of impacting lives. areas of music & games need to be tended to plus the important factor of spending time with the youths.

OCFers local and abroad are already asking who is going or not going. i had to say, maybe. but then, cannot simply delay also lah cause early registration helps the convention.

i'd really love to see the OCFers again. but i don't know whether any of my batch +- 4 years will be going or not. and i also question myself, why am i wanting to go? am i chasing back memories and just wanting to re-live some?
am i still trying to hold onto faded pictures and memories and wanting to re-colour them?

wasn't OCF's vision, 'Reach Out and Prepare, Build Up and Send Home'?
send home to your country that you may be a shining light in your family, church and workplace.
so in the case of church vs OCF, would church come first?

then again, i also question, is the case of me being a bit more reluctant now because of heart-hardening and increased skeptism after 3 years of working?
well, i'm not wanting to be giving those 'matured' excuses such as, 'i'm past OCF already. it is a kid's thing of the past. there are more 'matured' and important things now.'
or the 'change' excuses like, 'things have changed already when you start working.'

then again, nothing's wrong with taking a break to refresh from working & serving. feelings of guilt shouldn't be put upon someone if he can't serve.
hmmm... feelings of guilt also shouldn't be put upon those who can't make it for convention.

ah well... someone told me before i left, that memories of OCF were to serve as a good reminder of God's faithfulness during your uni days as we go through life. but it should not be something that we cling on to and not move forward...

so how?
maybe i'm just thinking too much. i won't die if i did not do the other.
i wonder whether i can go for both...
hmm....