scrapping...

spent the past week doing lots of scrapping. the paint is peeling, fungus growing, black stain everywhere... so i think about time i repaint.
before repainting, you need to scrape the paint off. and after that, scrub the walls clean and then only paint. and need 2 coats.

this is a lot of walls.

interestingly, though it is tiring, it is while scraping where i get to just think and reflect; put a lot of thought into some things and ideas and revelation comes. its pretty amazing.

i got many lessons from scraping. it is like a person. to repaint, you have to scrape the old stuff and clean the walls first. and it is a long hard work. after 1 week and i'm still not finished. same with the heart. to heal and start anew, it takes a lot of hard work to scrape off the hurts and bitterness of the past.

and the next day, i return to spot and try scraping again, and there IS still stuff that can be scraped out. the old paint really sticks. same with the heart. you'd thought you dealt with it all but there's still some left.

however, each day as i return to the spot, there's less and less to scrape. as with the heart, as you tend to it, it heals more day by day.

there were areas that were still nice and white. out of curiosity, i just scrape a bit and a huge large sheet of paint is scraped off to reveal lots of fungus and mould. same with people. the maskS (capital 'S' on purpose) that people wear just hides lots of things underneath; where the pains and hurts are allowed to grow.

scraping isn't enough to clean the wall. after scraping the paint, i still have to scrub the fungus off. and it is a long scrub. as with the heart, after 'clearing' the bitterness and hurts, there is still 'cleaning' needed. what 'cleaning agents' to use? God's Word to tend to the broken hearted.

haven't reached painting yet.

september 09...

2nd - church anniversary practise. fumbled lots cause no time to practise. but practise lots to make up for it. playing by ear all the time has made me rusty on following notes. it was a tough but great piece.

5th - wedding in the morning, MYF in the middle, last anniversary practise at the night.

6th - anniversary sunday. it was great. only God would have provided me strength, focus and discernment on the piece as i played it.

12th - Edward's wedding. my dear brother in OCF and really took care of me. i learnt lots from him and really look up to him. a brother with a straight forward and growing faith, and knows when God is convicting him and humbly acknowledges.

19th - market at 7am, practise at 9am, meeting uncle herbert at 12.30 for lunch. scout for bible study materials for small group in the afternoon.

20th - SSS worship workshop starts. and it continues every sunday for 4 weeks. the quality of worship was going down and down each sunday. many factors causing its degradation; loss and lack of musicians, loss of knowledge and experience. something has to be done. so training is prepared for teaching, guiding and exposure.

august 09...

8th - teacher leslie's daughter's wedding.
SSS teachers went together. and saw a very familiar face. saw James, whom i played for his wedding. and if he's here, his wife, who is a wedding planner must be here too.

9th - MYF Sunday
it was quite a struggle cause i know i am going to see only 7 people in the choir. no more cause that is pretty much MYF. i remember the dilemma and i wonder why. i also wonder what in the world am i doing. but in the end, we worship God first. perhaps there is a reason for doing it this way.

dinner with setapak parish youths. an effort by aunty carolyn to gather the youths together cause we don't see each other often especially if we seldom appear at the once in a month parish meetings. i respect that cause she is reaching out to the youths.

14th - had to see physio. bad neck.

15th - Ying Mei's wedding. my sunday school friend since 10 i think. and now she's getting married. deepest congratulations. played a bit at her wedding dinner.

18th - 23rd - Beijing, China. was conducting a 3 day training on Excel Macro VBA to the Finance Department of British Council. 20 in total. glad they learnt and enjoyed it. very thankful to E.T. and uncle Moses for teaching and training me cause my evaluation forms were all 4 & 5's out of 5. took the opportunity to be with my parents as well.

29th - 31st - MYF camp. planning the games was interesting. had to put a lot of thought into it because technically and mostly, everyone is new to each other. was very glad God gave me lots of discernment to see and assess the current group dynamics which is always changing. Games with meaning is what i always strive for. i was really glad that they bonded and learned.

joy & pain...

ok.. lots of things been happening. i don't have time to gather my thoughts properly and sit down and put it down. plus there are some things i cannot write down yet due to 'information cannot be released to the public yet'.

anyway, a freak accident that i was at church on monday to attend ajith fernando's talk on 'Joy and Pain'. don't quote me and say what master wugui said in kungfu panda, 'there are not accidents'. was there for practise at 6.30-7.00. and sam asked me whether i'm going.. oh well.. since i'm already in church...

i'll just type what i wrote down. its bits and pieces.
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At the start, when we are younger, we have joy. and as we go through life and its knocks, we get bitter and depressed at the end. it is normal and there are many different reactions to these 'knocks'.

Joy & pain - both can coexist together.
Dominant theme in the old testament is joy. there are 23 different words for joy.

Rom 14:17, John 16:33.

The joy of the Lord is our strength. when the joy goes, the strength goes.

people seem to not want joy but other things. success, sexual conquest, material properity, revenge, fame. wanting the satisfaction of getting what you want than joy. e.g. you want your revenge than joy.

Zephaniah 3:17

quoting someone: I have hit rock bottom. And the rock is solid.
- referring that after everything gives way and you fall and hit the bottom, it may be hard, but that is God's foundation.

asking God for help when in suffering/conflict is a sign that you are still seeking God.

joy is not satisfaction or pleasure.
people are chasing or trying to create substitutes for joy.
but you don't create joy. you express joy that is already there.
-expression of joy, not substitute of joy.

joy is the business of heaven.

the comfort is greater than the suffering.
God's love is greater.
but we must allow God to minister to us.
we have to open up, express, weep and believe.
we complain to God and we can't heal because we do not let God. we do not open up.
we prefer to be self-pitying and not wanting to surrender it.
James 1:2

God's love is greater.
God smiles when He sees you.
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