fooh...

lets see... now it is one month and 2 weeks that i have worked.

i am starting to feel the strain. calculatingly, i am having a 60 hour week. the past few days my brain's been half dead going to work. and having an analytics type of job that requires the mind, its not a good thing to happen. its like, the computer hanging on you while trying to process something. so my mind hangs on me while trying to think of a solution.

i don't think i'm managing my energy as well as i could. i have to be more disciplined now and standardized my sleeping time.

i work 12 hours. wake up at 6.30am. travel. work. and come back at 8pm. and to have 8 hours sleep, i have to sleep by 10.30pm. that gives me 2 1/2 hours to do what i want. i have to eat dinner. i have to bathe. so how much time do i have left?

i want to make sure that i spend time with my parents. its going good. but i also have been cutting time out for myself. practise piano everyday and quiet time. so i don't have enough sleep. plus, i exercise everyday, pushing myself to keep fit. so i'm really exhausted. slept at 12 for 2 days this week. not good. not wise at all.

i worked 3 days on one thing at work. only to find that it is flawed. all because of a decimal dot that was in the raw data. it happenned at the beginning of the programme, which leads on to extraction and producing reports. its one of those things where though the format is wrong, the programme still works.
so 3 (12-hour) days of work, down the drain. i start all over again on monday. my manager just smiled at me. that's where experience is needed which i don't have. i look at it, scratch my head, and ask, 'it happens, right, boss?' and just smile. la la la la ... it happens...

now i understand even more what it is the working life. i adjusted quite okay to it. and am just trying stuff here and there, trying to see what's the limit. and now fine-tuning a regular schedule that is as balanced as it can be. i am starting to feel the strain. i'm actually quite surprised i lasted quite long and now only feeling a bit.

i prayed last night and just really spend quiet time by myself and just ask God stuff. reflect. i pray for protection of my mind when it is weak. all the s**pid thoughts comes to my mind. doubts, lust, crazy theories which i always find ways of proving that its right, anger, frustration, jealousy, bla bla bla...

Jesus hold me close in Your embrace...

Be still my soul...

alright man... work is work.
its like that.
accept it.
and just do it.
:)

Psalm 46...

psalms is one of my favourite books besides the last few letters of the bible.
let's go back to one of the comforting psalms as i remember my dear brothers and sisters, OCFers in Adelaide, taking their exams starting last saturday.

Psalm 46
-for the director of music. of the Sons of Korah. According to alamoth. A song. -

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where Most High dwells.
5 God is withing her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

8 Come and see the works of the Lord,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

11 The Lord Almight is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

walk His trail...

saturday, MYF was encouraging. indeed, fellowship is building again. of course these things take time and its good to have a start.

after MYF, was going to watch the Footstool Players, presenting 'Walk His Trail'. a theater type of presentation. didn't want to watch (cause its too far away) but things fell into place and i got a church friend to go to the place and OCFers to go back home. :)

i was surprised also to see about 10 GCFers that were there too. i was sitting in front of a few of them. and i got to see oliver! from OCF tasmania. i didn't see him since OCF Convention Hobart 2003. it was nice seeing him again...
yeah... the hobart convention was full of seniors who have finished and were going to be returnees.

anyway... Walk His Trail is about the missionary Jim Elliot. uh.. google it up. he and 5 others were matyred by the indians in ecuador that they were reaching out to. 1956. their deaths, besides shocking the world, impacted so many people and the growth for missions was exponential. they were only in their 20's.
his wife, Elisabeth Elliot, is an example in her life and also her testimony of God's grace and peace and guidance is something to be awed.

as the presentation started, they spoke and the microphones weren't that clear and a few spoke quite fast. so i had to strain my ears to catch what they were saying (uh oh, the music side coming out of me. however i put that away so that i can learn and receive what is presented).

i'm sure the presentation touched, taught, created awareness, awed, called, convicted, teared and impacted everyone in some way.
the hall was quite dark, so wasn't so embaressing when i was wiping some of my tears. heh heh...

a few things struck me.
the Auca indians had killed some Shell employees in the earlier years. but no impact.
Jim Elliot died for God. he left little of value, as the world regards values. but look at the impact that he had around the world.

at the end of the presentation, Elisabeth Elliot mentioned about Obedience to God and what it means to do that. then i cried lah. cause Obedience to God was the last thing i said before i left Adelaide as i do my best to follow God's direction. i don't think i got the answer. but its a reminder that God is still there and He knows... He knows...

elisabeth elliot continued to reach out to the Auca indians. the Auca indians who killed the group of 5, accepted Jesus and followed Him. and as they witness to others, others also went out to other tribes and were willing to die for Christ.

one of the missionaries sons was baptized by the Auca indian who killed his father.
one of the grandchildren calls the Auca indian who killed her grandfather, 'Grandfather'.

"He is no fool, who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose."
- Jim Elliot -

one night...

2 nights ago.. i lie down... and just think.

my thoughts flew back to adelaide, to my 2nd family, and oh! its swot week. (the week before exam starts)

Swot - (English dialect), sweat,
from Middle English swot, from Old English swAt.

i remember i was taught that it meant Study WithOut Thinking. heh heh..

i just prayed for them. i know i can't be there (of course) but i know that God can be there. He is always there, everywhere, with them. i sent them an sms that they remember God.

for those who know what i went through, i'll tell you that the same God that has planned my uni life (all the joy and pain) and faithfully brought me through it, is ever faithful and will also bring YOU through. every single step on the path or off the path is in God's control.

i don't deny that i question the pain all the time. i always ask and think it out: 'why all the pain? need so much meh? no other way ah? don't need so pain right?'
but i also turn on my wisdom brain and think again: 'if none of the pain happened, even the smallest, what will happen to me?'

i really can't remember who told me this but i'd really really like to thank him. i hold on to it all the time.
"in all these pain, take heart to know that God is doing something in you. God is preparing you for His purpose. something so big you'd never dream of. are you going to be faithful to walk in His path all the way?

and in all these pain, you are being tried and tested. do you persevere through it all? and when you were persevering, were you faithful and honouring God and living for Him?"

well, here i am, God. grounded, mashed, broken, moulded, polished, tried and tested. is there gold?

my days are passing pretty slowly. most likely because i keep on counting my days from august 13th.

new place...

well well, the latest photo of myself at the office. looking good, eh?
that's weird, i'm wearing the same coloured shirt from the previous photos...

the internet going up and down is really stressing my nerves... but then again, i'm still grateful that i can come online...


my office and my cubicle