fooh...

lets see... now it is one month and 2 weeks that i have worked.

i am starting to feel the strain. calculatingly, i am having a 60 hour week. the past few days my brain's been half dead going to work. and having an analytics type of job that requires the mind, its not a good thing to happen. its like, the computer hanging on you while trying to process something. so my mind hangs on me while trying to think of a solution.

i don't think i'm managing my energy as well as i could. i have to be more disciplined now and standardized my sleeping time.

i work 12 hours. wake up at 6.30am. travel. work. and come back at 8pm. and to have 8 hours sleep, i have to sleep by 10.30pm. that gives me 2 1/2 hours to do what i want. i have to eat dinner. i have to bathe. so how much time do i have left?

i want to make sure that i spend time with my parents. its going good. but i also have been cutting time out for myself. practise piano everyday and quiet time. so i don't have enough sleep. plus, i exercise everyday, pushing myself to keep fit. so i'm really exhausted. slept at 12 for 2 days this week. not good. not wise at all.

i worked 3 days on one thing at work. only to find that it is flawed. all because of a decimal dot that was in the raw data. it happenned at the beginning of the programme, which leads on to extraction and producing reports. its one of those things where though the format is wrong, the programme still works.
so 3 (12-hour) days of work, down the drain. i start all over again on monday. my manager just smiled at me. that's where experience is needed which i don't have. i look at it, scratch my head, and ask, 'it happens, right, boss?' and just smile. la la la la ... it happens...

now i understand even more what it is the working life. i adjusted quite okay to it. and am just trying stuff here and there, trying to see what's the limit. and now fine-tuning a regular schedule that is as balanced as it can be. i am starting to feel the strain. i'm actually quite surprised i lasted quite long and now only feeling a bit.

i prayed last night and just really spend quiet time by myself and just ask God stuff. reflect. i pray for protection of my mind when it is weak. all the s**pid thoughts comes to my mind. doubts, lust, crazy theories which i always find ways of proving that its right, anger, frustration, jealousy, bla bla bla...

Jesus hold me close in Your embrace...

Be still my soul...

alright man... work is work.
its like that.
accept it.
and just do it.
:)