videos...

okay okay.. i need to protect myself before any conspiracies or doubts about my sexuality comes up. hahaha... plus i'd like to share this too... wonder why i didn't think of sharing it...

anyway, i was asked to make a video of myself answering questions. so 7 questions makes 7 videos.
the videos are for Returnees Night in OCF Adelaide 24th Nov. so did quite a rush for it and to upload it on the Multiply account[williamkch] (thank God for Multiply) for the person to download and compile it.
so with the rush, my sister helped me make it while i teach her economics in her room. that is why the pink flowery curtains at the background. i'm sure i explained that FIRST in the video. hahaha....

so with questions of, what's your feeling now that you've graduated? what did going home to Malaysia feel like? what were the major differences? what difficult issues? what was your experience/the process in finding a job? what joys did you experience as a returnee? what are your last words to ocfers and returnees?

i kind of had the advantage to be able to plan my answers. but i did the video quite a number of times. the amount of bloopers... haha...
she wanted about more than 1 min but less than 2 min per question. till i found out that a 1 minute video takes about 1 hour upload. don't even think about 2 minutes. so i made it all 20 seconds except for last words which is 1 minute-plus.

the questions kind of gave me a check on myself. it brings me joy again to continue to be able to do something and give to OCF. to be able to share what little wisdom i have that God has taught me.

i really had to choose and think what are the last words. i thought it out and i know that the last words are not just for their university journey but for their life. and it must be condensed cause i only have 1 minute. so i try to imagine:
1) i'm giving a 1-minute sermon for the rest of their life.
2) i'm going to die in 1 minute. what's my last words?

one thing for sure, i knew it was important. what are the fundamentals?
:) i'll post what i said up soon...
of course its not model answers lah.. definitely not. what i said, is based on what God said in His Word and also of the things i see that i hope none of my brothers and sisters that i love be in the future. [including me]

The Robe...

i've been listening to many songs some time ago but didn't post about it. i want to share this song, for it talks of us who are walking on this narrow journey.

whether a christian for a long time or someone of new faith, this song presents to us the fundamentals/basics of life - to where it all began for each of us.

i believe that the journey can be pretty lonely. and many times it is God's grace and love that just holds us, for He is our strength, our Rock and our Redeemer. He is our provider in our time of need. His grace is sufficient for us.

The Robe
- Wes King -

Anyone whose heart is cold and lonely
Anyone who can't believe
Anyone whose hands are worn and empty
Come as you are

Anyone whose feet are tired of walking
And even lost their will to run
There is a place of rest for your aching soul
Come as you are

Chorus:
For the robe is of God
That will clothe your nakedness
And the robe is His grace
It's all you need
Come as you are

Anyone who feels that they're unworthy
Anyone whose just afraid
Come sinner, come and receive His mercy
Come as you are

back from TRAC...

just came back from the TRAC conference today.

it's nice to be able to attend. the teaching sessions were quite good. plus i haven't seen so many pastors at one go. broke my previous record. its compulsory for all the pastors to attend this annual AGM conference.

being a pastor is tough. there are so many issues to deal with in their life. and this is only just within the church. don't even talk about going out into the world yet.

there was an ordination of a pastor today. welcoming a pastor into the ministry.

okay... my mind suddenly came to a halt. just now, my thoughts were about the many things i have heard and seen that happens in churches as i was growing up and also till now. its quite saddening. its not the same as OCF, obviously. it stumbles people. it's surprising how people change and i won't be surprised at how others who are good and faithful gets discourage or pick-up the bad habits and forget the Lord whom they love. okay. i better stop.
its only 8.35pm. but i'm tired. may have to run on caffeine tomorrow at work.

mmmmm.... :)

so my grumpy mood ends...

i solved the problem. spent 1 and half weeks. and earlier, i had to redo it from the start because of leaving a decimal point. after going through a lot of mess, the data did not equal. it could not be reconciled. the difference is by the millions! i struggled through and kind of reached the solution. but it was messy and a complicated way to get the solution.

i looked at it. its crappy work. certainly not good. i set it aside and started it all over again but this time having done it before. i finished it in half a day. i reconciled all the data. all formulas in each cell checked and corrected. its good.

when i woke up this morning, i was like, what kind of day is it going to be? well, i choose what type of day it is going to be. and i just prayed and ask God, 'please help me.' no elaborate prayer or spiritual words came to my mind. i was just so so so so sincere and true when i said, 'please help me.'

oooo... how could i forget? ee leon is in malaysia for 1 month. he came down to KL for 3 days. met up with him last night together with chok and yvonne. its really great. so nice to see ee leon and chok again.

haha... and i'll be going for the TRAC national conference. TRinity Annual Conference = all the english methodist churches in malaysia. its in kuantan and i'll be going down with my parents. all the pastors and church leaders will be there. scary... its from saturday till tuesday.
my supervisor allowed me to take leave on monday and tuesday.

thank you, Lord.
oh yeah... i'm not going to be involved in the Christmas musical this year. i take it slow first...

mental defence...

i am tired.

i am glad that i still finish my work fast and early.

my life-defence is getting battered. the defence is good. but when getting knocked on day after day... its not a really nice feeling.

plus now that i am going to serve in some ministries, more problems comes up.

being an elite for God is tough. even warriors need a quiet place to rest. take the armour out and place it at the side. the warrior is also a child. i go running home to God each time my enemies have a go at me, be it the silent strategy or straight out in the open. God hold me and bring me through...
i'm persevering.
i'm not going to give up.
i won't give up.

wow...

i was looking through a book that had lifted me up when i was in adelaide. 'Finding Peace' by Charles Stanley.

it brings back memories. the not-so-good memories. i'm still kind of amazed that i got through it. i didn't expect i could do it. i just never gave up. i wanted to fight on. and i did got through. i definitely know its not on my own. with God and the people, no, the Brothers and Sisters that He placed around me.
[my prayers are still with you all that are in the midst of exams]

even as i am back here, things are not smooth. but i learn to smile through all of it. i still got so much to learn. this week, i can say its a rougher week. but just smile lah. haha...

this scripture just wows me. i tell you, the amount of times that doubts and insecurities and inconfidence comes to my mind and heart, is a lot lot lot. this verse from Isaiah really lifted my heart and tells me:
- God is Always in control.
- from adelaide, God is REALLY placing me and using me. but not from the ends of the earth lah...
- i am His servant. i just so want to serve God to the fullest especially in ministry now.
- i fear. and God comforts because His presence is always with me and He is my God.
- i feel weakness. and God strengthens.
- God knows i need help.
- God knows the crazy things that i will get as i do my best to serve Him in ministry and He will uphold me as long as i am righteous and obey His commands.

- Isaiah 41:9-10 -

You whom i have taken from the ends of the earth,
and called from its farthest regions,
and said to you,
"You are My servant,
I have chosen you and have not cast you away:
Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
i will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

fooh...

lets see... now it is one month and 2 weeks that i have worked.

i am starting to feel the strain. calculatingly, i am having a 60 hour week. the past few days my brain's been half dead going to work. and having an analytics type of job that requires the mind, its not a good thing to happen. its like, the computer hanging on you while trying to process something. so my mind hangs on me while trying to think of a solution.

i don't think i'm managing my energy as well as i could. i have to be more disciplined now and standardized my sleeping time.

i work 12 hours. wake up at 6.30am. travel. work. and come back at 8pm. and to have 8 hours sleep, i have to sleep by 10.30pm. that gives me 2 1/2 hours to do what i want. i have to eat dinner. i have to bathe. so how much time do i have left?

i want to make sure that i spend time with my parents. its going good. but i also have been cutting time out for myself. practise piano everyday and quiet time. so i don't have enough sleep. plus, i exercise everyday, pushing myself to keep fit. so i'm really exhausted. slept at 12 for 2 days this week. not good. not wise at all.

i worked 3 days on one thing at work. only to find that it is flawed. all because of a decimal dot that was in the raw data. it happenned at the beginning of the programme, which leads on to extraction and producing reports. its one of those things where though the format is wrong, the programme still works.
so 3 (12-hour) days of work, down the drain. i start all over again on monday. my manager just smiled at me. that's where experience is needed which i don't have. i look at it, scratch my head, and ask, 'it happens, right, boss?' and just smile. la la la la ... it happens...

now i understand even more what it is the working life. i adjusted quite okay to it. and am just trying stuff here and there, trying to see what's the limit. and now fine-tuning a regular schedule that is as balanced as it can be. i am starting to feel the strain. i'm actually quite surprised i lasted quite long and now only feeling a bit.

i prayed last night and just really spend quiet time by myself and just ask God stuff. reflect. i pray for protection of my mind when it is weak. all the s**pid thoughts comes to my mind. doubts, lust, crazy theories which i always find ways of proving that its right, anger, frustration, jealousy, bla bla bla...

Jesus hold me close in Your embrace...

Be still my soul...

alright man... work is work.
its like that.
accept it.
and just do it.
:)

Psalm 46...

psalms is one of my favourite books besides the last few letters of the bible.
let's go back to one of the comforting psalms as i remember my dear brothers and sisters, OCFers in Adelaide, taking their exams starting last saturday.

Psalm 46
-for the director of music. of the Sons of Korah. According to alamoth. A song. -

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where Most High dwells.
5 God is withing her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

8 Come and see the works of the Lord,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

11 The Lord Almight is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

walk His trail...

saturday, MYF was encouraging. indeed, fellowship is building again. of course these things take time and its good to have a start.

after MYF, was going to watch the Footstool Players, presenting 'Walk His Trail'. a theater type of presentation. didn't want to watch (cause its too far away) but things fell into place and i got a church friend to go to the place and OCFers to go back home. :)

i was surprised also to see about 10 GCFers that were there too. i was sitting in front of a few of them. and i got to see oliver! from OCF tasmania. i didn't see him since OCF Convention Hobart 2003. it was nice seeing him again...
yeah... the hobart convention was full of seniors who have finished and were going to be returnees.

anyway... Walk His Trail is about the missionary Jim Elliot. uh.. google it up. he and 5 others were matyred by the indians in ecuador that they were reaching out to. 1956. their deaths, besides shocking the world, impacted so many people and the growth for missions was exponential. they were only in their 20's.
his wife, Elisabeth Elliot, is an example in her life and also her testimony of God's grace and peace and guidance is something to be awed.

as the presentation started, they spoke and the microphones weren't that clear and a few spoke quite fast. so i had to strain my ears to catch what they were saying (uh oh, the music side coming out of me. however i put that away so that i can learn and receive what is presented).

i'm sure the presentation touched, taught, created awareness, awed, called, convicted, teared and impacted everyone in some way.
the hall was quite dark, so wasn't so embaressing when i was wiping some of my tears. heh heh...

a few things struck me.
the Auca indians had killed some Shell employees in the earlier years. but no impact.
Jim Elliot died for God. he left little of value, as the world regards values. but look at the impact that he had around the world.

at the end of the presentation, Elisabeth Elliot mentioned about Obedience to God and what it means to do that. then i cried lah. cause Obedience to God was the last thing i said before i left Adelaide as i do my best to follow God's direction. i don't think i got the answer. but its a reminder that God is still there and He knows... He knows...

elisabeth elliot continued to reach out to the Auca indians. the Auca indians who killed the group of 5, accepted Jesus and followed Him. and as they witness to others, others also went out to other tribes and were willing to die for Christ.

one of the missionaries sons was baptized by the Auca indian who killed his father.
one of the grandchildren calls the Auca indian who killed her grandfather, 'Grandfather'.

"He is no fool, who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose."
- Jim Elliot -

one night...

2 nights ago.. i lie down... and just think.

my thoughts flew back to adelaide, to my 2nd family, and oh! its swot week. (the week before exam starts)

Swot - (English dialect), sweat,
from Middle English swot, from Old English swAt.

i remember i was taught that it meant Study WithOut Thinking. heh heh..

i just prayed for them. i know i can't be there (of course) but i know that God can be there. He is always there, everywhere, with them. i sent them an sms that they remember God.

for those who know what i went through, i'll tell you that the same God that has planned my uni life (all the joy and pain) and faithfully brought me through it, is ever faithful and will also bring YOU through. every single step on the path or off the path is in God's control.

i don't deny that i question the pain all the time. i always ask and think it out: 'why all the pain? need so much meh? no other way ah? don't need so pain right?'
but i also turn on my wisdom brain and think again: 'if none of the pain happened, even the smallest, what will happen to me?'

i really can't remember who told me this but i'd really really like to thank him. i hold on to it all the time.
"in all these pain, take heart to know that God is doing something in you. God is preparing you for His purpose. something so big you'd never dream of. are you going to be faithful to walk in His path all the way?

and in all these pain, you are being tried and tested. do you persevere through it all? and when you were persevering, were you faithful and honouring God and living for Him?"

well, here i am, God. grounded, mashed, broken, moulded, polished, tried and tested. is there gold?

my days are passing pretty slowly. most likely because i keep on counting my days from august 13th.

new place...

well well, the latest photo of myself at the office. looking good, eh?
that's weird, i'm wearing the same coloured shirt from the previous photos...

the internet going up and down is really stressing my nerves... but then again, i'm still grateful that i can come online...


my office and my cubicle