not yet...

things have been speeding by that it felt like so many things have passed. what more with the speed i do things. i thought i was sick last week, but no!
i was only sick on monday (which is 5 days ago). which explains why i've been sleeping in the weekend.

dang! does this amount of time sleeping goes under 'a must and valid rest' or does it goes under 'indiscipine' for not studying?

well, whatever the argument, i just know my grave just became deeper.
not good for the nerves. i was just talking with someone about the exam and he was asking, am i putting too much pressure on myself?
um... well... is wanting to pass too much pressure on myself?

been getting panic attacks and high intensity stress levels before going to sleep. so i'm like sweating in bed before i sleep. heart pounding and all. cause i'm thinking, oh no! i didn't do enough for the day. another day wasted. and there's so much more to do. then i do not get enough sleep and so affects the next day and i can't work properly and try to study and the anxiety cycle continues...

not quite a nice life, but they are normal stress patterns. thats what the melancholics always get. good thinkers but with also an alternative bad side. really got to pray to ask God to protect my mind and guard my heart. it tests the faith definitely. i wonder a lot. is it worth it? what am i doing with my life?

perhaps it just comes down to real grit and determination. just fry the brain and sit through the torture. press hard and push on. irregardless of whatsoever.
but you can't sacrifice health and work, right? and i'm not even mentioning church or serving.

i think i'll just have to go back to one of my theme's of studying. "Cut of Emotions, and be a Block of Wood, and Study."