sleep...

had pretty funny nights lately.

i could sleep, but then the dreams are like follow-up'ping from the thoughts and thinking that i had before my sleep. and what more it was about people in real life. quite disturbing, as in stressful and dramatic. and when i woke up, did i actually did that or said that? uh oh... i'm not sure. after a few minutes of recollection, ok.... i was really dreaming.

but having heard of problems, from one of my classmates back home, it does make me sad having seen wounds that aren't healed or the scars that are left behind. cause i know how it feels as well.
i had had nights, that i kept awake because of the past. Lord, forgive me. and heal me. the dirtiness and guilt remains. oh, how much we need God's forgiveness. as much as i have said 'sorry', nothing changes the fact that it had happened. but that is our youth. we are to learn from it. move forward cause God has forgiven us and still loves us. that's God's grace.

with a brighter smile, i got to continue my work. need a nap and work.

growth...

having had that week, i had my own confusions as well.
had talked with many people. had the jokes, and the serious stuff as well.

talking with eng poh and addielle, learnt and also had confusion. much prayer is needed for guidance, wisdom, time and signs. sigh, Lord...

talking with john, seeing a younger person, and with very much similar characteristics and personality to me, i see the things he face, just reminds me of when i first came. not saying that i'm super good and grown up now, but through time, God showed me more and more. to see how the things of the past 2 years had been important in many ways. painful as it is, it serves its purpose. i don't know all, but through time, it will be shown.

talking with friends online. the sharing and teasing, happiness and sadness. a senior from school. an ex-classmate. OCFers.

a week and BS...

it's been a wonderful week.

i got to enjoy the simplicities of life and really feel God's presence in my life. been at the CAT suite till late with chok, doing work and all. and after returning home, having to get back at my housemates for some stuff and teasing. oh well...

i led bible study yesterday in my group for OCF. and i totally didn't expect anything. usually its silence and lots of awkwardness and yeah.... the controversy. but i just prayed to God. i have only myself to offer and i'll just do my best to lead by the Spirit. and it was really marvellous and wonderful. and it is all God. i spoke and led, and there was discussion, it was lively, everyone was supporting each other, helping each other. i'm sure everyone had learnt that day. i felt God through me. God using me. i just smile.

this morning, we had the auditions for the e-nite musical. check out the enthusiasm and commitment. it was fun. people were supportive and encouraging each other. i was at the music side, given the task to evaluate. we have many wonderful singers and styles. argh... i wanted to see the acting side. but its ok. hopefully everyone had enjoyed themselves.

why you have a blog?

i remember looking at blogs as a waste of time and also that i'm not much of a writer. little did i know that i would be one who uses this in later years.

lately i saw some blogs and um... yeah, it is quite badly used. the things that are typed are not really (in nice words) recommended for reading. i just wonder, why...

how and what we type reflects a lot on who we are. just like the style of an author's writing in his books reflects on the character of the author. or the composition of a composer or the painting of an artist.
what's the purpose of having this... this... this blog?

is it because it was a craze that we are sucked into? a place to vent and our freedom of speech? or to impress others with our writing skill? a place to get attention for people to notice us? to collect fans and avid readers of our site?

excuse me, if it seems as if i'm judging (i'm not). i'm just putting a question forward. cause honestly, i did had tendencies towards many of the above mentioned.
but i had a purpose of this blog (i don't like the word blog). i see this as an avenue to share to others, known and unknown. a time to stop and reflect. its easier on the catch up as well for friends everywhere.
take note again : i'm not condemning people that do not have a serious thought on their reason for having a blog.

just a thought and question to put through...

He is here...

felt tired and the drag of my body. most probably because of exhaustion from saturday and the night's farewell dinner. stayed on later for coffee. which is expensive. so waking up this morning, had a little bit of problem.

but right after church was sleep. and a long sleep it was. 3 hours. at least i was rested. cooked dinner with my housemates. it was good. and later i had an urge to just go to daniel's house and just spend time with him. listened to a rough draft of the song he wrote.

spent the night teaching him how to write while writing more of the song with him and developing it's character and flow. it was fruitful. but we need some other listeners. we tried recording it on a recorder. it wasn't that good. much to our amusement, we need better singers though. hahaha... we at least have a rough copy of it. it was fun and hopefully an experience for daniel. 'He is here.'

brought my external hard disk over to share some songs with him. and also showed him lots of pictures of the times that i had of OCFers, lincoln college and many other events. also showed him the elder brothers and sisters that had guided me since i came. i hope i could do the same for others and him too.