impacted...

i know i just watched 'Fireproof' yesterday, and i did again today. parts of it. haih.. terrible.. still cried again...

it speaks of many messages i have had the hard time learning myself (and still learning) and now, want to see it happen in other's lives as well. the message of the movie speaks close to my heart.

realizations of God's love again, of sacrifice, of what love really is, of humility, of what it means to be a man of God and not what the world portrays, of what it means when God says,'husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the church', of commitment, of what relating means, of what waiting on God means, of healing of the heart. there's so much...

there are so many broken families everywhere. even if they're under the same roof, it can still be broken. so many broken people everywhere and most of the brokenness starts from home. the family is the first church that we must take care off before all others. pretty much everything starts from the family. i teach the youths and i see many with broken hearts. broken guys, broken girls. why do you think there is so much broken relationships everywhere? because we're all broken people.
yes, they and we hide it well. they and we try to find things to replace and cover it. sigh... pray for healing...

a verse for a tough week...

it has been a tough week. working wise, church wise, people wise, rest wise. but its a good journey. remembering my uni lessons, with God's help and guidance, i am determined to finish strong.

amidst all that, got a verse sms'ed from danny, my ex-housemate.
Col 1:17
'17 He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.'
truly.

it was encouraging. it reminds me so much of uni days and sms'ing verses to each other as words of encouragement was so common; as if natural.

got a call from my best friend, Joel too. its quite an interesting way of friendship. he so busy, i so busy. its quite funny. we haven't met each other for so long, but he really is a friend i respect a lot & we share many same passion together. he calls me and i'm in meetings, and i call him back and he is in meetings and when he re-returns, i'm in meetings... its just weird.. till finally, fate brought the call together. it was great catching up.

was pretty worried about the training that i planned for MYF because i didn't have much time and couldn't put much effort into it. but i just worked at it cause all these effort is a work of faith and this is my heart for the MYFers. it is crucial because i will be away. today was training them about organizing events(games, programmes, camps) and also about confidence in God and yourself. next week, teamwork and leadership and vision.

next friday, we'll be watching a movie called 'Fireproof'. don't worry no spoilers. unfortunately, this is just one of the movies that made me cry. *sniff *sniff... no joke man... it takes a lot for a movie to make me cry.
its about marriage and broken relationships. this is one of the real-est movies i've ever seen on relationships. it is in accordance to the Bible and also the healing process in counselling books.

painting...

after about 3 weekends, i have finally completed painting my house. took me quite long to paint the first coating because of many things. i finished the first coating process yesterday(sat) morning. and today(sun) i just came home and finish painting 80% of the 2nd coating. the other 20% will do some other day but it'll definitely be quick.

when i started the 1st coating, i thought it would be an easy process. i have scrapped all that i can and even water pressured whatever is possible. how could anything still be stuck... the remaining paint that is stuck, i'd assume it is stuck well. that's were the irritating part is. when i painted the 1st coat, the supposedly well-stuck old-paint comes off. it comes OFF. what the heck man... i had to take the scrapper back and re-scrap again.

looking back at my reflection on scrapping, it takes long and hard to heal the heart. and even after all the counseling and help (scrapping) is done and we thought that it is over, it not over yet. even when God's Word and new life (new paint) is starting, there is still deep hurts that is being found and healed(more stubborn old paint coming off).

one coat of paint isn't enough. it needs 2 coats so that it'll look good and also last. the 1st coat is like a foundation and the 2nd coat is for a thicker coat and a more solid finish. same like the heart. after taking the first few baby steps and learning more about God, there is more solid food to learn to take for a more beautiful finish.

its interesting that i get injuries while i'm painting. how? the bougainvillea tree, the kalamansi tree, the pineapple tree leaves. scratches and the fine thorns getting in my skin. terrible. amazingly no blisters, just swollen palms. in reflection, in the course of helping(painting) others to heal, some of our own hurts can also surface and we can also get injured in the process of helping another.

i don't know how i finished 80% in a 2-3 hours. but i challenged myself to persevere on. helps me to prepare for missions. i was pretty tired with white spots everywhere. aunty brigitte thought i went crazy suddenly pushing on to finish so much. well, the healing of the heart takes lots of time and perseverance...

a little habit...

i have developed a little habit.
amidst all the things that are rushing about me, and knowing that my brain can just be spinning non-stop in thought and worry, i just stop and ask myself, 'what is your focus?' 'what is your focus?' 'what is your focus?'.

i ask myself over and over again to keep myself in focus that i do not stray from the correct focus and purpose of why i do what i do. amidst expectations and just really lots of 'voices' around me, i ask myself to remind myself, that the focus is to listen to God's voice, to serve Him and take care of His sheep.

it is just weird. it can get very overwhelming and very tiring. but when i ask myself, 'what is your focus?', realignment is the word that i will use to describe the little process that keeps me on track.

there is a reason to go on. there is a hope that i work towards. there is God who is ever faithful and will hold me. i need not fear.

O God, our help in ages past,
Our hope for years to come,
Our shelter from the stormy blast,
And our eternal home.

Under the shadow of Thy throne
Thy saints have dwelt secure;
Sufficient is Thine arm alone,
And our defence is sure.

Before the hills in order stood,
Or earth received her frame,
From everlasting Thou art God,
To endless years the same.

expectations...

it can be a good thing where the teacher cares enough for the students to have high expectations out of them. where the leader cares enough for his sheep, that he expects and hopes that they will grow and progress in life. expectation is good when someone goes to an event and with an open heart, expect great things to happen.

it can be a bad thing. where every quarter expects you to be present at their event. where every quarter expects you to contribute to their event. where every quarter expects you to take an active role in their event. where there are expectations in terms of conduct and character. expectations in 'performance' that it should never drop. expectations to be helping their children. all the above adding the assumption that the person is very free makes a bad combination.

and with expectations comes disappointments. of course, when the bar is raised to ridiculously high levels; forgetting that he is just as human as you. some will just think that they have every right to believe it should be that high and that he should be performing well for their purpose all the time. then starts the 'counseling' sessions as though he would want such situations to happen. its just weird. there is high expectations but when a clash comes, there is no benefit of the doubt.

okaysss.. at the moment, the bad seems to be longer. but that's cause i'm getting most of the low ends. perhaps people should do their R & D more before opening their mouths.

as bread that is broken...

i'm tired.
and i always question myself: why do i do what i am doing.

As Bread that is Broken
Many hearts are hungry tonight,
Many trapped in darkness yearn for the Light
So many who are far from home,
And many who are lost
Oh, Lord, Your wounded children need
The power of Your cross

As bread that is broken, use our lives
As wine that is poured out, a willing sacrifice
Empower us, Father, to share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken Lord, use our lives

Help us to begin where we are.
Help us love the people near to our hearts
Then give our faith a mission field
Wherever You may call
Lord, love Your world through each of us,
Until we’ve touched them all

to start anew...

given a chance to start something anew, what would you do?

its weird that from a bystander's view, a lot can be said about what to do with the chance. but when you're in that chance, a lot of blank moments come in. perhaps its uncertainty that comes along as well; unsure of what is the best thing to do because it is building the foundation for the future. plans are drawn but what's the best?

richard taught me that whatever it is that you do, let it echo into eternity. i work, God moves.

as days pass and lots of thought being put into it, a frame starts and the picture gets clearer.
i would love to get a clear pictures straight away so that i can stop worrying. but nope, it comes bit by bit. i have to have faith and wait patiently on God to tell me through the things i go through and in prayer.

God isn't a vending machine. and if God has placed me where He wants me to be, He will also provide me what is needed. He, Jehovah Jireh, is our provider. He will provide for all our needs, according to His riches and glory.
i think a lot and also worry a lot. but everytime i just speak the words out, i just realise again God's goodness and faithfulness and i feel calm and comforted again.

a little sms...

Got an sms from fannie a few days ago. Roms 12:11 and an encouragement to remember the days when we worked together and enjoyed each other's presence. and to keep going.
i miss those times. it was amazing. i believe that things that were done in the past can be done now as well, just that its slightly tougher. looking back and judging myself soberly, ok ok lah.. not as much as i want to but i'm doing my best.

Roms 12:10-13
10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

further away...

OCF convention seems to be getting further and further away... sigh...

it pains me. i miss it. it would be nice if i can make it. but not having enough leave and being the camp commander for a coming camp at the same time does not leave any space or time for a breather at all. many things are clashing and december is always one of those headache months where so many things are happening and everything is coming one after the other and time to rest is hard to find.

keeping the focus is one thing i have to keep my eyes on. i can't do everything and have to choose wisely. what is important and the limits of my time and body. sacrifices would be here and there.

a simple thing of kneeling and pray sustains me. i am amazed cause i myself do overlook its power as well. it does not supercharge me like an energy boost, but it sustains me to live on each day.

i also start going through a bible study material on prophets. danny gave it to me 2.5 years ago for my birthday. learning about Samuel, Elijah and at the moment, Elisha. its amazing to see how they went through their lives. i always thought they were just people who prophesize...

but the bible study taught me that they were humans with hearts that ache for the people too. life was tough as they try to speak to the people and help them, but many things go against them. and amidst all of it, they were always going and living in faith even though it was very testing. through their lives, they ministered to others with miracles.

weird DVD...

very very weird.

today, MYF was suppose to be watching 'Facing the Giants'. a good movie. i watched it on my laptop with the PowerDVD software and it was all smooth.

but today, i have no idea what, how or why the dvd refused to be played. and the weird thing is that i can still open it and explore/see the files but i can't play it with the same software. though i was there earlier to set up, i spent 40 minutes trying to find the solution. i even re-installed PowerDVD. tried VLC as well. it all didn't work. in the end, ok, back to the most manual way; open the DVD and play each .vob file one by one with VLC. it worked but had to select the proper audio.

i have to admit i was very flustered. i take the necessary measures to check and run through before sat. but with the same procedures, nothing worked.

after just accepting 'defeat' to the 'manual' way, i just sit down, cool down and watch the movie as well. its weird in a way. i getting flustered with it all and the movie is Facing the Giants; about faith and God. i just smiled and cool down.

the problems not solved yet. i handed it to my IT friends later, they can't even play the dvd on their laptops. what the? there are no scratches on the DVD and its brand new and original. could a software spoil a permanent hardware?

i seem to be seeing my 32.90 flying further and further away...

a little childhood...

a colleague told me about this and i looked it up.

Sesame Street: Andrea Bocelli's Lullabye To Elmo

it brings back childhood memories and how Elmo can be so adorable.
it is interesting that i actually only delved into disney deeper only when i started working and not my whole life as some may think. in this already tough world where things are complicated and weird, going back to disney and some sesame street reminds me of the innocence of childhood and why it shouldn't be lost in the 'adult' world.

nowadays, it seems that 'knowing the bad stuff' is very glorified and we shouldn't be 'naive'. we are applauded when we can 'see' or uncover the 'hidden intentions' and 'possible manipulative situations' of people's actions. why can't we think the best of others and give them the benefit of doubt? or am i being 'naive' now?

somehow, i just think that 'naive' is a word that is created by the so-called people who can 'see' bad intentions to prove that they're of a higher class with some higher knowledge and experience and to also hide their inability to think the better of others.

i am not saying that we are to just believe everything people say and foolishly agree upon and do everything and get taken advantage of. there is a difference. giving the benefit of doubt to others and helping them is different from foolishly allowing people to take advantage of you. this is where discernment comes in. we are to be as wise as snakes and as innocent as doves (matt 10:16).

God asks us to be childlike in faith (matt 18:2, mark 10:15, luke 18:17). and it is true that it is easier to 'see' God when we are younger.