oh man...

oh man... i'm losing self-discipline. i'm not focusing.
i realise i can still see reality but am not taking any action. realising this, i'm not sure whether i'll take action also. no, wait, now that i'm typing it on the blog, i should be taking action. i will take action. i need some quiet time to myself. maybe i need more quiet time to myself. to think and pray.

i have to admit that i didn't think much about God, except maybe a few hours. i need to go back. to the 'quiet place'.

i was taught these verses by richard some time ago. and i remember how he talked about how we perform when we are serving God, even living our life. we may be strong in some areas, but weak at others. we're not perfect. we will make mistakes in our ministry.

but do we work as a farmer, have the spirit of an athelete and the discipline of a soldier? it was a reflection for me, to nurture and build up these characteristics for my journey and future.

2 Timothy 2:1-7

1 As for you, my son, be strong through the grace that is ours in union with Christ Jesus. 2 Take the teachings that you heard me proclaim in the presence of many witnesses, and entrust them to reliable people, who will be able to teach others also. 3 Take your part in suffering, as a loyal soldier of Christ Jesus.

4 A soldier on active duty wants to please his commanding officer and so does not get mixed up in the affairs of civilian life. 5 An athlete who runs in a race cannot win the prize unless he obeys the rules. 6 The farmer who has done the hard work should have the first share of the harvest.

7 Think about what I am saying, because the Lord will enable you to understand it all.

R.I.

do you all wanna know a secret?
well, i can't tell you cause its a secret.

nope. no one hacked into my blog.
just some random irritation to share to you all.

holidays...

ironically, it is in the holidays that we are tested and in a way, facing more 'hardships'.

being in adelaide and ocf teaches me a lot. i enjoy the fellowship and the warmth being in the family of God. i will always talk of the memories and lessons that i've learnt. yet, after all of those, i made sure i return to reality. of the world we are living in. people (christians and non-christians alike) will always frust us off or 'surprise' us. christians (or 'christians') will surprise us even more with their hypocritic attitudes whether in church or workplace.

that is the world we are living in. OCF has a good environment to grow and learn. but i have to say that the types of 'times' that we face when we return home during the holidays are good in a way. i'm not saying i like it but we must try to see beyond. it would be frustrating, depressing and discouraging and some may get it worse.

but it is those times that we will be facing for the rest of our lives after a few years of our uni life. this little break amidst our uni years will surprise us. but bring these 'surprises' back to adelaide to share and seek advice from the elder ones.

for those who have gone back before, yeah, they know. the tendency to fall back is quite high because we are not in our surroundings in adelaide. this is a test of how genuine is our changes and things we learnt in adelaide. are we still implementing them in our hometowns? do we email or msn each other to 'check up', support and encourage each other? do we still open the bible and pray?

i do miss the fellowship and am looking forward to seeing everyone in adelaide again. its about a month left before returning. continue living for God and being a witness to those around you.

meeting...

had a gathering of OCFers at my house today. so nice. had kenneth kwan, priscilla, esther, paul, alfred, addielle and elvin. lydia, sharon wong and evelyn also nearly came. but couldn't. its ok...

it was really great. had a meal. then flip some channels on TV (some chinese series with fan wong) while talking to each other.
got to talk together with kenneth and elvin for some while. but really hoped i could talk more to learn from them and their experience. it was later that i realised, kenneth would not know a few cause he left before they came. then it dawned upon me even more, that i was in adelaide already to see him. and that was long ago. 2003!

and kenneth also reminded me again, that that is how the cycle of OCF is. people come and people go. haha... i remember telling that to many. dang.. (must not be dinosaur, must not be dinosaur). haha...

it was a long way since i came in '03. i think i forgot some lessons that i had learnt. i better make the effort to recap.

memories...

my mother brought up human psycology about a sign that the hotel put up, 'Do not fish on the balcony' and how indirectly, it put the idea into the other not-so-creative (or naughty) tourists and so they try.

it reminded me about the time i was form 1 in a new school. the headmaster gathered all the guys and talked to us about manners and etiquette, discipline... you know those stuff. and he proceed on to telling us not to do this foul hand sign or do this other foul hand sign. so, from knowing only 1 'type', i ended up expanding my knowledge with an extra 5 or 6 'types' (different races have different type of foul hand signs, for your info).

so, another indirect case of learning.

note: don't ask me for the signs.

kena balik...

went out with parents friends today. and i also know their children (more of same age friends). she's studying in perth and also knows an OCF uni SA person. classmate in taylors. how small is the world? hahahah....

anyway, was talking to her and the topic went to where we serve in church. i mention OCF, she mention overseas student ministry in her church helping out overseas african students. so i thought of 'kacau'ing her and asking her 'so you got an african boyfriend?'

and she said 'yes'.

bleh... shock and in disbelief, i looked at her sister. her sister said its true. fine... in my face. the joke went back on me. the likelihood of that happening is pretty low, well, to me statistically. but who am i to say, love can happen anywhere...

cracking....

well, got some reactions about the 'putting aside' ministry and music ministry. so i better expand a little bit. that it is just setting aside. my heart and passion and my interests remains 100% the same (and expanding). but facing reality or more of the timeline, i would have to concentrate on my 'profession' as a financier and build on that. it is for the moment or how we call it, current plan (long-term is a different story). realization of a different and distinct path had caused me to think further about what are the implications of all these directions and happenings. its good to think deep (but not too much also) on how God may actually be planning according to His ways and promises.

i feel scared sometimes that i'm not fully committed or i lose energy in doing things and serving God. yet at the same time, i'm scared of like 'hogging' up everything or being in the limelight all the time and not giving others a chance to serve and shine. i suddenly have some inclination to 'hate' limelight and not want to go there, unless needed. yet i want to serve and give everything. peculiar. but of course, serving is not a matter of what we are comfortable in. get out of your 'comfort zone'!
(i admit i have to force myself to meet new people. i'm shy by nature. really. at times i'm just shy or thinking of myself and being too lazy)

anyways, i cannot believe i'm cracking my head to see what is there to write upon.

so i decided...

so, i decided this blog will continue as long as its purpose lasts. it will walk together with my journal.

i would have to admit that i will have to learn to be transparent to my parents. why wasn't it this way earlier is another story.

talking with joel made me realise that there were times that we go through the same things. we both realised that coming from a school that promotes all-roundedness, we now have to put certain things behind and concentrate on a sole goal or purpose. i realised (and heavy heartedly) that i will have to put down music and ministry for now, for finance job. he also has to put down music and ministry for now, for his IT job.

i have to say, that maybe i see a little bit more of 'the picture'. my path is very different from his, and also from my other church friends. why? i don't know. i may have felt the reason. i may have thought i saw it. i may have had correct guesses.
many of the things i went through, i wouldn't have wanted it. but it happened for a reason. after asking why and searching, i didn't get anything. only a bit. :) faith is required to go on and only then will more pieces fall into place.

nevertheless, i still have to keep connected with God because things now, are not forever. it would only be for the moment. a world in adelaide or australia while looking onto malaysia.

P.S. to all those being barbequed in adelaide, remember to turn yourselves so that you get cooked properly. hahaha...

let's see....

since returning on the december 8th, i went to singapore straight away with my mother to see my father. he just had a gall bladder operation. (before any reactions, that was dec 8th). so now my father is recuperating well and healed a lot. about 80%.

on the 31st went down to KL again and today jan 4th, came back to singapore again. it was an interesting 4 days where everything was crammed up. pretty much to meet up with old friends again. and i was glad to meet up with all of them. i reached my goal and target.

sunday the 1st, i met up with church friends and a lunch at megamall. and in the evening, my parents church friends.
monday the 2nd, met up with OCFers. though it was a last minute planning. at least i get to go out with OCFers at least once. and jia ching was there too,ll the way from sabah. a whole day in sunway pyramid. thank you to chian dong who sent me to the LRT though it was a long and nearly-got-lost way.

tuesday the 3rd, met up with my close MBS friends. kuok han, alicia and joel wong. it was one of the most wonderful times i had. getting to talk with Joel and really in depth. really one of my good and closest friends. met at MBS as classmates and served together in school plus get in trouble together as well. he reminded me about how we talked in school about our future and how God will use our lives and who knows, we may meet and serve togther. from there, we parted our ways. he went to APIIT and i to SAM and adelaide. and now, after 4 years, he's staying to work and serve in malaysia. i will be in adelaide or australia and will be serving there. i really treasure. both of us with different strengths and giftings. partnership. X2 the power to serve God.

we place our hearts and lives in God's hands.